The grief went in waves for me. It would be ok, then get a little better, and back in the gutter again. About a year after my husband passed, I started seeing a therapist, thinking I wasn't greiving properly. It was such a great help to me. I thought I should be further along and better about the loss. What is important to remember, is that backsliding is not bad. It is just part of the healing process and things will get better again. You are still moving forward, just having a rough patch again. The first few months are such a blurr, it's only when things settle down do you realize what really happened and they are really gone. Hang in there, it will get better.

I am not at 9 months, only at 5 months now but I relate to the waves of grief...they come and go. I do think the holidays do not help, they make the absence much more apparent. I am sorry...I hope you begin to experience brighter days soon.

I'm only at four months but I can relate to the waves of grief also. I felt like I was picking myself up a bit but then these past few weeks I've felt just as bad as when it first happened, The past week or so I've had uncontrollable crying fits right before I settle down for bed. Like chillipepper mentions I don't think the holiday season coming up helps either. I really hope it gets better soon for you

Yes Russ I had a major setback or grief wave at the 8-9 month mark. The good news is once I got passed it things have been gradually turning around for the better. No magic moment, just a greater sense of peace. Wishing you the same result . Gerald

The thing to remember is grief can last for many years ...
In that time (over the years), not in the first year, the grief will change & become less intense ...
Shock wearing off is the major change in the first year; its begins gradually (around 4-6 months) then hits like a tsunami when its fully gone (8-10 months out) ...
During this time, days w/out grieving will build up (knot in the stomach, headache, anxiousness) to eventually implode or explode ...
For myself, I found it best to grieve everyday or every evening depending on what demands/chores I had to do during the day ...
Time yourself from last crying jag to the next - what you are looking for is how long you can go before it starts to build up ...
If its every 2 hours or every 10 hours, you will know the window of time you have to get things done before you need to give attention to your grief ...
Its best to learn how one's own grief works ...
Hope this helps ...

Russ, as for myself that was a very difficult time. I think because a lot of things in my life slowed down and my mind had time to catch up with my life. It was like a big Mack truck. I do feel after that 8-11 month mark I was able to see a light in this tunnel. God bless

I am coming up on the 2 year anniversary (12/15) of my husband's unexpected death in Florida. I had just spent 10 days with him, including Thanksgiving, eagerly anticipating his return home to MA for Christmas and my retirement in January, Life for me changed forever 3 weeks later. I immediately withdrew my retirement papers and am still working, but plan to retire at the end of next year. The holidays are so difficult. I love his family, but at the same time it is so sad not to have him with me. This year I had a quiet Thanksgiving with my 87 year old Dad, and my daughter and her husband, and I plan to spend Christmas with my son and his family in CA. I find that I need to make changes in my routine in order to keep my sanity, especially during the holiday season. As everyone here says, I just keep taking baby steps in order to find a way to survive this very sad situation we all have found ourselves in. I don't post very often, but come here everyday and read what others have posted, which helps me so much in my personal grieving process.

In her book" Seven Choices", Elizabeth Neeld PhD says that a 9 month set back is fairly common and has been noted by several psychologists. It happened to me and is still ongoing. At least I know it is not just me.

I'm at almost 5 months and I feel the same other than the reality has begun to set in now and that's worse. If I'm around people, I do ok but soon as I am alone, I get that real panicky feeling. My husband and I were almost constantly together and I just have a real difficult time being alone. I didn't realize how emotionally dependent on him I really was. The hardest part for me is the knowing that this will now go on for years...the sadness, loneliness and pointlessness of it all now. And that, I get so tired of.The constant fighting to get through each day. The feeling of the endlessness of it all. I'm beginning to feel it is just too much for me. I'm growing weary

I haven't posted for awhile but this is so true that it goes in waves with the grief. It's been 2 years for me since I lost Jim and sometimes I think I am good but then it hits again. After being married for so long I can't picture myself with anyone else again as there are so many memories of who he was. I would love to be able to be just me but how do you let go of your other identity? He influenced my life so much and I think he would be proud of me for my independence and how I have handled my life. But I just can't imagine life with anyone else. I have a couple friends who have lost their spouses and it has helped for us to vent to each other and know we have the same feelings. The other thing is the loneliness of being "just me". It's just so different. I was truly blessed to have Jim for 52 years and I try to be very positive about that, but it's still a couples world out there.