Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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NewRoadsForMe 03/13/2012

Fairly often, I see a man from behind, in public, that I think is my Joe. The hair is just like Joe's, the shape of his head. My heart leaps. I cannot take my eyes off him. I long for him to turn around and rush to hold me. The man turns....and it is a stranger. My heart drops like a rock. The longing remains in me and I can't get it out of my mind for awhile.

I loved Joe's physique. His legs were finer than mine. his hair, awesome, his feet and ankles so masculine. His blue eyes, his natural tan and smooth skin, his neatly trimmed mustache. I see others with a few of these characteristics and I am thrown into a longing to hold my precious one. I want to call out. But the air is silent as I realize that it was only a mirage.

Have you had these happenings? How does it make you feel?

Shrn 03/13/2012

It happened again last night, and it is the one thing that always takes my breathe away. Don was a very responsible motorcycle driver and I was his passenger. The memories of our afternoon trips with our friends and simple drives for an icecream cone in the summer are my most cherished. Just hearing the roar of the pipes and seeing a couple pass by Art and me brings a sense of loss I will never forget. Sharon

deleted_user 03/13/2012

Actually I have several times. Even driving a car or a truck or whatever!! Wishful thinking I guess.......it just doesn't ease up does it??

RRA55 03/13/2012

Oh ladies, yes. I have to admit everytime I see a Black Denali P/U coming my way my heart races a bit. I honestly haven't seen anyone who looks like him, I think that would be even harder.

Hugs,
Robin

cleodoggie 03/13/2012

I have heard of this happening to others. They say everyone has a twin. For me only once did I see a man who resembled Jim until he turned around. I really don't know what I would do if I really saw his twin....Hugs

deleted_user 03/13/2012

I journaled once about this! I started a new church and my daughter had told me the soloist looked a bit like her dad. I was not prepared for how much he looked liked him. It took my breath away and I couldn't wait until the next Sunday to see him. His voice was the same. It hurt and made me happy at the same time. Because of health he has stopped singing and I miss just seeing and hearing him sing! I miss my old life so much the hugs and connection of someone I loved.

horsepad 03/13/2012

Every time I see a truck like his, my heart jumps, I look. I know it's not him but I can't help myself.

deleted_user 03/13/2012

I have not seen his "twin' yet, but have been knocked down in a second by a certain stance, a certain look, a smile, wavy hair in back of them, and especially any white Sante Fe driving down the street.

Happens all the time, and the feeling happens all the time too, igf just for a moment

HUGS and MORE hugs diane

Lininsocal 03/13/2012

I was sitting three rows behing a man in church. From the back, even to the style of clothing, he looked like my husband. I sat there in tears. I rushed out of church to get a look at him, even from the front there was a reminder of my husband. In tears I spoke to him letting him know. He was very nice and consoling. I wasn't embarassed, just sad. I have seen him only once since. I do look through the crowds of people when I am out as if I am searching, silly though, there is no replacement only sort of look a likes. In time this has lessened yet it is still something that happens. Like Sharon, my husband road a Harley and each time I hear the rumble of pipes traveling down the road or see a couple on their ride my thoughts are with him.

deleted_user 03/13/2012

I have a gold ford taurus and there seems to be so many of them. Even when I am driving, it hurts to see a car just like ours. I haven't seen anyone yet who looks like him even from behind but when my father passed in '85, I saw men who looked like him all the time. I am not looking forward to that with my Lee but I know it will happen someday and you are right, I believe my heart will jump out of my chest if only for a second.

deleted_user 03/13/2012

I've done this several times since Steve passed. I see someone, usually from the back, and he looks so much like Steve--the way he stands and moves, his overall physique--and my heart leaps and then the realization hits. In the beginning I couldn't help but watch until they turned and I could see their face--now I usually turn away and remind myself there are going to be men who remind me of him from time to time. It's not as hard as it was in the beginning--but it still makes my heart jump.

deleted_user 03/13/2012

I am sitting here thinking: what would I do if Dave had an identical twin? He always said he looked like Charles Bronson. You would have to see him in person to believe it.....

cliffskat 03/14/2012

This has happened to me several times - sometimes it's somebody that looks like Cliff in his 50's, sometimes like he was in his 20's when we first met and fell in love, sometimes like when he was really in his prime in his 30's and our kids were still little and anything and everything seemed possible. It's hard not to stare and remember and wonder. It's unsettling.

My sons each have some of their Dad's features and/or mannerisms, so I see a little bit of him all the time in them. Most days that is a comfort, but once in awhile it is bittersweet.

I think I will always miss him, and always feel a bit unsettled at seeing his "doubles" - old habits die hard.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

deleted_user 03/14/2012

I almost followed a man hope from the grocery store once, but lost him...I don't know what I would have done if able to catch him. I have never seen him again.

marjoe 03/14/2012

When I see a guy with a long ponytail - that's a trigger. A couple of months ago, I saw this guy with a ponytail down to his waist. He was probably 60 or so, in shorts, mid winter, just like Joe used to do. I almost went up to him to talk, but didn't. I just stared at him. Or his back, actually. It makes me feel strange. And there's always this twist in my stomach when it does happen.

deleted_user 03/15/2012

It's happened to me.
I once walked into a Walmart store that i don't normally go to and there was a lady there that was a greeter.
She had the same body shape and color of hair .
from the back it looked like my wife.I know it couldn't be her but for those few minutes it was like seeing her again.
so i just stood there and enjoyed looking at her and then stopped to do my shopping.

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