I know what you're going through I just spent the weekend with my adult children for Mother's Day and his absence is so overwhelming difficult. I miss him so much. I do cry very often and every day as well.

My husband died a year ago, and my daughter graduates from college in a few weeks. He kept telling her, even though he had cancer, that he would live to see her graduate. Your post really hits home for me. I guess today was one of those days we experience on the grief journey....all a part of the process as life without our husbands goes on. Wishing you peaceful days ahead as you navigate your new life and find your way back to happiness.
Aloha ~ Lori

Hello Katexyz123,
My heart goes out to you, I am feeling the same, I miss him so much, I can hardly bear it and I just don't know what to do. For nearly 10 months now I've been holding it together and I don't know how much longer I can do this. The unfairness of it all has really hit me and I am just plain sad, miserable and lonely without him. All I want is what I can't have, him and our old life together. Perhaps for me, I am feeling this now because here in a Southern Aus, winter is coming and we should be getting our caravan ready and driving off up north to the warm for a few months. But, not this year and never again and my heart just breaks at what I have lost with him gone. All I want is the impossible, my beautiful husband back again. I am over being strong, moving forward, building a new life, I want my old life back again. Well that's my rant for today, think I'll put my '2 yr old self that wants the impossible' to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow.

I have two autistic sons. My younger son was a senior in high school when Cliff died. He graduated 6 months after his died. All the hard work that we had done together to bring that day about, I had to finish the job alone. May was a horrendous month for me that year - Mother's Day without him, our anniversary, graduation, and my son's birthday were all back to back, and Cliff gone barely 6 months. I cried through the entire graduation ceremony. I couldn't help it. I got a lot of weird looks, but I couldn't stop. I had my sister, brother, and older son with me thankfully, and my son that was graduating couldn't see me, so that helped. But the wave of emotions - the tsunami of emotions! - I don't know how I made it through that. I guess I made it through it for my kids, just as you made it through it for yours.

It won't always be like this. Honest. Happiness is as inevitable as sorrow is. Right now the sorrow has the upper hand, but eventually it will give way. Sometimes little by little in baby steps, other times in bigger chunks. You will find your way through this, and you are not alone on the journey.

Congratulations to you and your daughter for making it through the day and for the accomplishment of graduation. It's a big deal, and I am happy for that for you both, even as I understand your pain for the one that wasn't there.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Kate...Im so sorry for the bittersweet..the milestones in our childrens lives can get overwhelming trying to keep the focus on the joy while a cloud of sadness still hangs overhead. Ive had a few over here and the shadow of my husbands death..though still here has gotten smaller..and has been replaced by gratitude of the gift that he gave me...that was simply our children. As I write this I must confess that for some reason I was struggling with sadness yesterday..it was my 3rd mothers day with out him here ...so you would think it wouldn't..but it was and then I knew I had to turn the table and put the focus on me and I pampered myself and I did good things for me... hang in there, I know how scary this is....,,sending you hugs!!

K, thanks for sharing your experience. I "hope" to have a similar experience in a year or two. I guess it will just have to be sad as well as happy.

Katexyz123, I just finished posting something similar to what you wrote. It wasn't until after I posted it did I read yours. I feel that I can make it through that day, just by holding my head up high and move on with so much pride for her and my daughter and son-in-law for a job well done. Congratulations to your daughter and to you and your husband too. Thumbs up!!!

First Congratulations for your daughters graduation especially under the circumstances. I am sure she knew how proud her dad is of her.
And your contribution to help her through you should be proud.

Your feelings of how to move on, what is my life now and how to continue on with unsure what life is now is so very typical in this life widows and widowers face. The ups and downs of these moments are tough I am so sorry for that. And its true as time goes on when you find those moments of laughter and going forward you get stronger and cherish those happier moments better. I think there will always be times when you find what is this life and where am I to go now? Yet life goes on and you find out how strong you become. Hugs and I wish you alittle bit of peace.

I was scared too. Scared of the present and terrified of the future. I was alone for the first time in my life. I feared that I would never have a reason to smile and I felt so very alone. I remember when I began to see the sun from inside the tunnel I had dwelled in for so long. That scared me too. My self made hibernation had become comfortable, but not a happy place.

I took the leap of faith and I found a confidence that overcame the pain. It's more of a process than a step and you travel with those who understand. Sharon