Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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lizbeth9 06/06/2015

Hello, I don't know if i've read anything on this but here goes. My beloved passed 3 years from colon cancer. I am doing ok, keeping busy with work and church. Here is my situation. I am afraid to go to a doctor. I was alone with my husband when he was diagnosed with stage 4. It was the second worst day of my life. I have been feeling a dull pain in my stomach for about 3 weeks. After all that he went through, I am scared to be told that I have a cancer of some kind. Sometimes I think that if I do, I don't want to do anything about it because I want to be with him. Those thoughts are far and few between because I have the greatest family and best grandkids in the world. I'm just so scared to find out what is going on in my tired, sad body. Has anyone felt the same, scared or worried about their health?

myhunkahunka 06/06/2015

I wasn't 't worried or scared about my health but after my husband passed from cancer on July 6, 2013 and than my mother on January 17, 2014, I was surprisingly diagnosed with colon cancer January 20, 2015. I've had surgery and last week I finished my chemo treatment. I'm not scared for myself but I cannot forget the faces of my children and grandchildren when the doctor told them. I do not want them to go through that again and for their sake I am doing everything in my power to be healed. With Jesus help, I am. If you would like to read about it please see my journal or it's in general discussion.

matoacalady 06/06/2015

lizbeth, I feel the same way. I don't want to know and I will not go thru what my husband did, I just won't. I may feel differently down the road, but right now I just don't care.

Hugs
J

soalone2to1 06/06/2015

I too don't care. I am terrified of doctors and always have been. I don't even really have a family dr either. I figure if I get sick my faith will either heal me or not. Most days I just don't care. I should have died with him. Maybe I will feel differently down the road, but not right now.

missingt 06/07/2015

I have the same reaction after my husband died from cancer 4 yrs ago at age 54. I have hard time to have a mammogram because I am just scared what they will tell me. I have appt scheduled for Wed and I am already nervous abou it. I think for all of us who lost spouse it is hard in general to see doctors. We all had kind of PTSD and these fears are real. I am telling myself all will be fine but we know that life may surprise us!
Even to have my blood pressure checked was stressful for a long time but now is slowly better! Maybe with time we will be able to relax again about medical visits etc but you are not alone! Love and peace!

wendimac 06/08/2015

This may be a negative attitude to take, but personally, I go to the doctor once/month for one reason and one reason only...to get my pain meds. My husband is gone. Right now, my health? I could care less. I do take my son in routinely...he has a heart condition and needs meds for that, and it's good to get him checked out (if he'll let the doctor near him long enough to do so)..Problem is, his dad passed from liver failure due to cirrhosis...the heart meds cause scarring to the liver...so now I'm afraid for my son with that respect.

deleted_user 06/08/2015

I totally understand what your all saying.

I'll go because I have to get my meds but I've NEVER been one to go to the doctor for every ache and pain.

I have to stay as strong as I can for my children and grandchildren.

It's not always easy but I'm the only elder left in my children's lives and I want them to have good memories of me!

Roz

Lisastp 06/08/2015

I understand what you are saying, but I hope you do go to the doctor and that he/she rules out anything dire and instead you find that it's nothing. Knowledge is power. Once you know what it is, you will then have the power to decide what you may want to do about it. But not knowing can lead to fear, stress, "horriblizing" and worry. I would try to find a very good family doctor and start a new relationship, letting him/her know your background and feelings on the subject.

sandeestttn 06/08/2015

I go twice a year, to get my meds. Diabetes, heart medication. I let them run tests if they need to. I have decided, "IF" they ever find things wrong with me. I will keep it to myself. Not tell my family, until the end. They went through 20 years of crap with my husbands illnesses. I refuse to put them through it again. The last 2 1/2 years they have been free from it. There is happiness and peace in their lives again. I haven't seen that from them in 20 years. Bless their hearts. Sandee

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