It has been one year since I lost my Love but I have to admit, it hasn't gotten easier. You learn to live with it, but I think of him every moment of everyday.

So what ever path one takes on losing their loved one, it's okay.

I know I have posted this quote that I saw the other day, but it just
hits home.... "Its odd what our life becomes once death enters"

Yes, if you read some of my journal entries, you will find I felt the same way. At one year, I was ready to start what I would call the rebuild phase of my grief journey. The grief was no longer so omnipresent and I worried it was because I did not love him as much as I should have/could have.
At four years now, I realize I was letting go of the grief not him. That he is still safely tucked away in my heart and that I think of him every day. Just now, I do it with a smile and a gratitude for what we had instead of the initial feeling of devastating loneliness and brokenness. Although you are worried that it means you are losing, which I totally get, it is a good sign. You are not losing him, you are regaining yourself.

Hope this makes some sense.

Hugs,
Val

Liz,

You are growing and moving forward with your life just as PJ would want you to. You are doing great.

Dewey

For me, the "settling" point came at about 7 months. Everybody is different. The raw grief subsided, a weight lifted, a veil was drawn.

Tears still well up several times a day, when I read the lyrics to John Lennon's Instant Karma, for example, or some other trigger.

I saw some photos of me at a Passover seder a couple of months after I "settled" and I looked so sad. I didn't realize how much the sadness shows on my face.

Maybe Guilt = Love? You don't feel guilt about anybody you don't care about. It's stronger the more you care about them.

Would PJ want you to be frozen and unhappy the rest of your life? I doubt that. If Arlene's ghost were to visit me, she would be saying, "Get on with your life, our time together is over, but I am always in your heart and memories."

I gave a lot of thought to my new phase in life. I was about 25 when I met Arlene, then we had almost 30 years together. Now I am phase 3, without her again. God willing, I will live another 25 years or more. There are many years for friends & family & joy & accomplishment, perhaps even love again.

For now, I take it one day at a time. I say, "Baby steps become steady steps."

Liz, it's almost 11 months for me, too. The first 6 - 7 months were horrible and heartbreaking and a big blur.
I feel like I've accepted my loss. I'm learning to live without him. I don't like it, but I'm coping.
I miss him every day, but I'm not sobbing uncontrollably like I did.
We're learning to live with our grief and sadness.
We're moving on, because we have no other choice.

Hugs,
Janie

I so want to get to the place you all are in.....right now it feels like I am just drowning and going down for the last time.

Life goes on but how? How can he not be here with me.

For those of you who have come thru I stand in awe of you, I really do.

It's been about 121/2 weeks for me. And the sadness is overwhelming. I'm okay for awhile, when I'm out and getting things done. But when it's time to come home to an empty house? I usually lose it as soon as I'm inside. Today when I got home a little while ago, there was a beautiful butterfly, sitting in the grass at the front gate of our building. It made me cry, but at the same time, brought me peace.

It's going on five years for me. I think it was during year 2 that I was starting to settle into this new life. I've become content in living alone and making my own decisions. I'm not looking for anyone else to share my life with because that is not something I feel I need. I'm alone, but not lonely. I still think of him every day and I still cry on occasion, but it's different now. I think more of the good times and I can laugh when I talk about him. I think maybe I felt some guilt too when I realized that I was going to be okay and was actually becoming content in living without him.

I'm traveling some and doing the things I want to do now and the guilt is subsiding. I'm retiring in 8 years and I'll be in my 50s. I had planned on retiring with him, but life has changed those plans. However, I now look forward to retirement and doing more of the things I want to do.

Brian loved life and he would want me to live it. I'm doing it mostly for me, but I'm doing it for him to. Good luck to you.

Nessie from KY

This has been one of my biggest inward struggles, I've been able to move forward outwardly for the sake of our son. I have taught him that life can go on, now it's my turn to learn it.
Thank you for helping me realize this.

It takes time and effort to understand that our "moving forward " to live our lives isn't in any way leaving the past behind. It doesn't take away what we had, but builds on the lessons learned. In the time I mourned sharply and with anguish I found a strength in myself in small ways that grew in magnitude.

I frequently talk about finding my identity outside of the family. My age group was one of different thinking and although I held a professional position, my identity was in wife and mother. I was proud of that, but with children adults with their own families, I found myself "out of work " as his wife.

It left me devastated. I had to learn of my value without others. It was a struggle and it took me 3 years to be of value alone. Only then could I be valued by someone else. Sharon