hi lininsocal - nice to meet you - i'm nanne (in socal)...thank you for the message, as unwarm as the site now feels (and I've been a member for only several months now) it's messages like yours that bring warmth and encouragement. really appreciate this morning - from the bottom of a tidal trough.

Thank you a million times over for your beautiful post.
This site was my God send too. I think 2 years back, when I first joined W/W group, I was so devastated, nobody could relate to how I was feeling. Then I posted here, and I felt like I was covered with a big warm blanket. The group was so caring and most of all they"got it"

My hope and prayer is, that some of those people will come back and give a little of what helped them to get through the worst times of their grief...
It's like a revolving wheel, of support ....each other and as we get stronger, we give to those who are starting the roller coaster. I'm hoping we can get past this NEW, site and still be here for new people.
You encouraged me, sending you giant hugs......Sandra

Sandra, The group that I was a part of all joined about the same time. We muddled through with the help of some who had come a year or so before us. After a few years here our humor and reflections of life began to renew which was a cause of distress to others who had just joined and who's grief was still raw. Then again, for us, reading the raw grief was constantly pulling us back into our own and hindered our own healing. There comes a point where one must choose to remain in mourning or to forge ahead and live the life we have left. Our journey together had taken many turns and it was time to break away and celebrate life. We have had marriages among us, marriages and relationships who are now included in our group and several gatherings. We still share our moments, have that wave of grief wash over us and lift each other up as we pass those "Angel-versaries", Holidays and special events without our spouses. I wish for those here who are joined together, close in their loss, the comfort, friendship and understandings we were blessed with. There is life after loss. It is always changed and filled with it's challenges. I am finally selling our home together to find a more affordable and manageable place, a condo or town home. I am excited at the future, decorating my own way, picking out things to my taste, less cleaning and yard. I'd give it all up to have my guy back but there are no do overs in death, it is so final. Living on what if's and if only's and I should have's can drive you bat-crazy. Before you you have the facts, this is what one must deal with, one step at a time, one decision well made and when we falter, which we will do, learn. Make nothing a mistake but a learning experience from which we grow. If we do not grow, we stagnate. Beware of grief and allowing ourselves to wallow for too long without trying to manage it for grief will stagnate us. When all else fails, take a deep breath and share here your needs, dears, sorrow and dreams. God Bless....

Hi Lini,
Thanks so much for your words of wisdom...they are like "apples of Gold"
I see you are selling your home and moving to a new place...an exciting challenge and big change for you.
Your enthusiasm and love of people is so contagious, in spite of all your grief and trials, you
are still able to give back. It takes a special person to do that, Thanks.
My precious husband passed on, 2 years ago....I'm in a good place of acceptance and I live most days to be fullest with the deepest of gratitude.
The special friends I keep in touch with from the old site are a treasure for me...always there for each other to share anniversary "waves" and joyful times. I believe We were blessed to have had that intimacy of caring and closeness THAT, very thing is what is missing here, in this new site, (the setup makes it impossible for new people coming here.
To have what we had)
Thanks again, Lini, you are a blessing .......hugs ....Sandra

Lin, I believe technological difficulties aside, love will always prevail and what brings people back. I am into eleventh month now. I had been seeing this world through a dark veil. It is almost astonishing how little people haven't experienced this knew how devastating it feels, and how quickly we are left behind. I am gaining strength and can see glimpses of light through the veil now, but like you said, still feeling stagnated.

Last night I came across an article through my reading. It was a lightblub moment when I saw this quote.
"For almost a year after Jim’s death, I thought of myself as only his husband. I had invested my whole self in him.
I had to think, NO, I didn’t give him all I had, I LOANED it to him. Now I needed to reclaim it, take it back, because I needed it for myself."
I don't know why it feels like a lightbulb moment. It's not like I didn't know it intellectually.

Anyway it is awfully nice for you to drop by and share with us.

Hi Lin! I joined this site just over six years ago, so I consider us to be in the same group. You have it so right; I remember my first post, and the huge wave of support from everyone... almost immediately. It's good to hear from you, my friend. I may still have my moments (don't we all), but I am doing well. In fact, I have married again (to another DS member) and our anniversary is tomorrow. Wishing you, and everyone else here, the best!
Tim