I do the same also. I don't think he could have handled being a widower either. Why does life have to be so sad? I am also glad he isn't suffering anymore but still wish her were here.

I too am sad my husband is gone but glad he didn't have to suffer the loss like me

You're not alone. I do the same thing. Michael was a big strong guy but emotionally...as they say...not so much. If anyone had to be the one to stand strong I'm glad it was me.

I've often wonder how my husband would be if I died. I think he would go about his daily routine but be dying inside and being a man not reaching out. As much as I feel I am suffering I think I'm handling it better than he would. I'm glad that he doesn't know this kind of torment and emotional pain and loneliness and intense sadness.

For all the pain I am enduring, in many ways I am relieved that Tracey hasn't had to experience this. Whilst we were together, we both knew underneath, that one day we would be confronted by this awful agony, but there was no point dwelling on it, we lived and were happy and content.

The day I got the call, I was one and half hours drive from the hospital they took her too. To this day, I have no idea how I got there.

I am tormented by the events of those next 36 hours, seeing her laying there, tubes, monitors, etc I sat with her, holding and stroking her hand, speaking softly to her - I do hope she could hear me.
I'm sorry , it really is too painful, but I am pleased she didn't have to go through this and is at peace.

John

I understand as I proudly take on this pain for Wayne...he's worth every tear I have shed and those to come. I ask please don't judge as I know none of you will but I use to pray if we couldn't go together please let Wayne be first. He was such a strong and proud man, never would have asked for help and he would have needed some. He never had been on his own I think he would have been lost on top of lost. Though it is a small comfort I know he is free of pain, able to walk and run again. I carry on many conversations with Wayne everyday...I see nothing wrong with that.

I talk to my hubby everyday. So very sad and broken hearted, I barely make it through the day sometimes; but also very glad he is no longer in the horrible pain he endured the last 10 months of his life. I am thankful for the 31 years we had. God Bless. chipstears

Oh my gosh, I feel the exact same way. I feel guilty about feeling that way but I have thought it often. Her name was Janice.

I just was thinking this very thing yesterday. How glad my husband will not have to suffer and be alone, as who would care for him if I wasn't here. At least he isn't suffering anymore and I so miss him . This might sound crazy but I have a shirt hanging in the bedroom that he wore to our Granddaughter's wedding in Oct 2013 and I hug it and talk to him and tell him how much I miss him and glad he doesn't have to endure this pain..

Right on Janice, right on.
I felt if it had to be, I wanted to be the one left behind as I felt I would rather be the one to deal with the aftermath than her. But damn it hurts.

Best Regards, Geo

I still talk to Cliff, even after all this time, and I think he can still hear me, too. My kids told me straight out that if I had died first instead of Cliff that he wouldn't have been able to handle it and they would have been even worse off. I don't know if that would have been the case, but I do know that when you love someone so much that you don't want them to suffer. And I believe they don't want us to suffer needlessly here at the ones left behind either....

Hang in there, we understand.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I, too, am grateful that Gene was the first to go. He grew up in an orphanage, so had a lonely childhood. I don't think he could have tolerated being 'abandoned' again. But, oh, I miss him so......

I also know that Wilf would not have coped if I had gone first. He would have been completely destroyed by the paperwork and officialdom involved. He also couldn't have coped on a day to day basis living by himself. He used to practically have a meltdown if I was away for work for 2-3 days - he got so lonely.

I had always known this and said it to myself but that doesn't make dealing with this loneliness any easier. I miss him every minute of every day but know that he is at peace now. Martha is right, we do understand about sparing the person you love the pain of loss.

Fay

I talk to Sam every day, telling him how sorry I am that he had to go. But despite my sorrow, I am glad he was spared this torment. He was completely self-sufficient and would have gone on with life, but he would have been so utterly lonely, as I am now. I'm glad to have been able to spare him that.

Perhaps it is good that we don't select our tests, because we don't know what we are capable of until we have to deal with situations.

In my case I don't think I would have been as successful in fighting cancer as she was ( five operations and 180 chemo treatments and no complaining ). But I probably handled the caretaker role better than she would have.

I'm sad that she got a crap hardship, but I'm also proud of the way that we handled the struggle.

We don't get to choose. I'm left trying to be the best person I can for however many days I have left. And so do all of y'all.


Bob