Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Its been a year and half and found today I just suppress my feelings by staying busy. When I have time to set alone its rough. Today on an airplane flight, same flight I took with hubby for over 20 years to a 2nd home, plane half full and I sat alone. Tears for half the flight even feeling my husband next to me, finally did crossword puzzles to take my away from the grief. I miss him so very much,. Once I am here though, its almost as though he is in the other room painting like he always did. Everyone says it will get better, but I am beginning to doubt it.
I am very sorry for your loss. I am not sure suppressing pain is a very good idea. Maybe you want to let pain out regularly. Here is something sent by a friend, which may be helpful.
"Healing is an active process, not a passive one. If we have a cut and do nothing to clean it out or do not apply a salve, it will probably form a scab. It might take longer and it might develop an infection, but the wound will most likely close and leave a scar......".
"Healing and curing are two very different concepts. Healing is a spiritual idea and curing is a medical one. Healing is an active process. It doesnt happen to us; we must participate in the process of our healing. Healing happens for us. It is a gift we give to ourselves in the moment we decide to stay open to that which has broken us.
In chronic pain management, we are taught not to tighten around the pain but to relax and allow the pain to be present. The idea is that when pain is resisted, it intensifies, When we breathe deeply and acknowledge the presence of pain, it has room to move and can flow through us more readily. Pain is there to tell us something, to warn us of possible danger. This is as true for emotional, spiritual, and mental pain as it is for physical pain. When pain speaks, we need to listen. All it takes is paying attention to our pain so that when it comes, we remember to breathe and get soft. We dont want to fight with our pain. We want to learn from it."
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