Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Roller Coaster Emotions

NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
I had been looking forward all week to going to a fish fry at a sister church in our area where I am acquainted with a few nice people. I had a full day of errands, driving from one side of town to another because of problems, so I was very tired but looking forward to the fish fry. They have the well deserved reputation of having the BEST FISH FRYs anywhere around here. Well, I headed home from town, about 20 miles to drive, and the dark clouds of my mind started working on me and before I knew it, I was deep into tears and grieving. Joe always loved the fish frys there. Long story short, I drove home and ate potato chips for supper. I am so tired of my plans being suddenly pulled away from me because I become a bucket of tears. Nine months ago today, Dec.18, I lost my Joe. I just feel so unsteady still. I can't trust myself especially when it comes to being around other people because I never know what my mind in going to do to me. This journey is so long. Just wanted to vent. I love fish frys.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have cancelled things that I have been looking forward to at the last minute for the same reason. Hopefully in time and as we get out more we will get a bit better. As I can I do make myself go. I figure that if I don`t I will be tear drenched eating potato chips for the rest of my life. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's amazing how busy I've been, and that helps, but when I haven't been busy, it's been hell. Almost lost it out a few times, but managed. A couple of folks know how I'm doing, and the difference in my mood is so dramatic. It seems from recent threads most wouldn't approve, so I'll be vauge for now. I hate roller coaster rides, so I'm doing something else.
Chris
laurabp
laurabp
I am now at 21 months, but I remember what it was like that first year. I think a lot of us get worse as the one year mark approaches - I did. I am much better now into the 2nd year, but still have those odd moments of tears. I do understand what are going through. You are not alone. Hugs, laurabp
driveler
driveler
My first instinct was to tell you that maybe you should have forced yourself to go, but then I paused to remember.... and yes I have done the same thing MANY times. When the time is right you will push through and force yourself to do things in spite of yhour emotions. Only YOU know where yoiu are in your journey and you will do those things when the time is right for you! Oh yes, now that I pause I do remember doing that oh so many times. Have even done it recently but not so much because of tears I just lost my nerve....or did not have enough "want to". Hang in there! It really sucks, but you can make it through!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is a roller coaster ride. We just have to do what we can when we can. In the earlier days I cried everywhere and cancelled things too. With time (I hated to hear that term), I began to be able to do things again and the crying lessened. We all have to do things at our own pace. Be kind and patient with yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort. Take care, Sandra
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wish I was close......love fish frys and wouldn't at all mind sitting with you in the midst of your tears....................will be 9 mo for me on the 27th.......................know he feeling...............church is really hard...........and Chris, you don't have to be vague..............believe me, there is always someone here who understands, or is going through the same thing and hasn't said it out loud until someone else mentions it......................I have a couple of my own stories to tell sometime.........................lol..........................

Boils down to the fact that you need to do what is best for YOU .............whether it be go or not go...................would be available to talk if that would help sometime...............this has been a time when I am just plain tired of Norm being dear, and being so totally alone................and sometimes just plain exhausted from doing "nothing".........................try to get to the AL GTG
blessings
L
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's OK that you didn't go.......I have backed out on many, many gatherings because I couldn't deal with it at the last minute. It's all a part of the grieving process and, in time, it will get better. Wish for all of us that we could know when but that uncertainty is part of the journey too.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Hugs, Dianne
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its Ok to have days like those I still do and I am 2 years on my "roller coaster" sometimes it gets so unbarable that my doctor put me back on medication. I have found that there are just times that I just need to be alone wether at home or somewhere else to feel and greive my great lost. I agree with laurabp and the second years, for me is a little better but we are all different. I have learned that I have just gotten better in controliing the tears but there are moments when it all gets the best of me and I just have to give in and let my tears run and have a good cry. It does get better.
Hugs Maria
Truhal
Truhal
I know what you mean. For DH and me, it was Star Trek. We always took a day off work for the premier. Now, the next film comes out and I know I'm not going. I'll just content myself to wait for the DVD. As it is now, I can't even bear to see it in my Netflix queue. I'm so incredibly tired of grieving.
Donale
Donale
This happens to me constantly I am beinning to wonder if it will ever end, my hushband passed in Feb and everytime I think I am making progress I end up a dozen steps backwards.grrrr

~HUGS~ to you
Donale
deleted_user
deleted_user
My counselor says your soul will tell you when you are ready. All in your own time; there is no comparing of grief in this world....do what you have to do. You are on the right path; let your emotions flow. I'm at 5 months and had a horrible week on the roller coaster. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
tonight i was supposed to go to a concert and dinner with my children -- the tickets were bought two months ago -- and i just can't go. now i am not only dealing with how horrible i feel, but they are both mad at me because they say that i am allowing all of the issues that i'm dealing with -- not only the grief -- stand in the way of family time. i just don't know why, but i am boxed up and have no idea how to remove the lid!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry it was so difficult for you. There really is nothing you can do but to feel what you are feeling and sadly people can't deal with it so home is a safe haven. All in due time, whenever that may be. Big Hug, Donna
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
Thanks, everyone, for your comments and support. Grief is so hard, like living with a roommate you don't trust. You never know what it is going to do to you when you least expect it. Home is my favorite, safe place. My pets are my family now. They don't mind my tears, they just love me more.
swindy
swindy
doing things that your spouse loved to do is the hardest thhing to cope with. I haven't been able to eat tomatoes as that was my husbands favorite food in the summer. To most peoples way of thinking that is just stupid but on this journey that we are all on I know someone out there understands and if it takes you 5 or 10 years to go to the church fish fry so be it. We here at DS all understand perfectly. Let the tears flow. We are here to wipe them away. Diane