So many people have told me that I need to keep busy. I am not sure if keeping busy helps with anything. I think it helps other people to see you are doing things, gives them some form of comfort. I can be busy for hours, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about my wife, and neither do I want to stop thinking about my wife. She will always be in my heart and in my mind. I love her.

I think you need to do what is best for you, what you feel you want to do.

I have never regreted retiring. I do keep busy. I feel when I do think I am able, I can get a easy pt job, but for now, my life, my health, and my mental state is important. As we all know,too well. Life is short.

We arre each different. You have to e happy with your decision, and I am. I my strruggle with finnces, but am still happy.

I work full time and I'm at 27 months. I'm planning for my retirement, but it's in 10 years. I don't know how far along this journey you are, but that might make a difference. If you are less than a year into your journey, you may want to hang on until you see if retiring is truly in your best interest. Another thought I have is finances. Will you be okay financially if you retire? One thing I think about for me is my interests when I retire. I love cross stitching and I'm hoping that I get to do a lot of it when I retire. Do you have hobbies that you enjoy and would like to spend more time on? I've also considered working part time after I retire at some job that I really enjoy.

I'm all about my plan for retirement. I know it's going to be very different than I had originally planned, but I still want to try to enjoy myself and relax.

These are just some ideas that I think about on a regular basis for my own retirement plans. Good luck to you and if retirement is what you want to do, then I wish you the best.

Nessie from KY

I retired 2 years ago, and had time to spend with husband, and caregive him. that probably makes a difference. its been 3 months for me. I will be 64 Sunday. At retirement age, you can work all you want and it not affect your SS.

My husband passed away 12/15/11 very unexpectedly at the age of 62. My retirement papers were all in place for me to retire in January, 2012 when I turned 62. When my husband passed away, I immediately withdrew my retirement papers and am still working full time 16 months later. I keep going back and forth about retiring at the end of the year or waiting until I am 65 the following year. I hate the winters here and get very tired of working, but am afraid of going crazy if I do retire. My friends all tell me I will find things to do if I do retire, but my husband and I had made plans to spend winters in Florida (he was already retired), and I know I don't want to go there for the winter by myself. All I can tell you is you have to go with what your gut tells you to do...I am still not there yet.

That's a call only you can make. I'm sure its a tough one too.

Do what makes you feel the best. For me it was work. I'm in sales, so putting on a happy face was a challenge. Still, I didn't want to be home without my husband, so work became my oasis. Now, three years later I'm part of the new retirement generation. In other words, losing my job due to the economy, too old to find a new one, too young for social security. I'm three years out and planning this retirement. I've joined a number of social groups and will join a church by the time I lose my job. I won't be sitting in the house feeling sorry for myself like I would have three years ago.

I was not in a position to retire when Cliff died. Some days I hated working, other days I was glad I was working. I had some co-workers who were so insensitive it was shocking, while others who I did not expect to care stepped forward and were real heroes in my life. I cried a lot in the ladies room. But then I would wash my face and get on with the business of the day. I think it was crucial and necessary for me to know that I was still capable, and dependable, and respected for who I was apart from my role as Cliff's wife. I think it helped ground my self-confidence, as so much of one's self-confidence comes from having that very special cheerleader - your spouse - in your life that when you lose that it can really shake you up. It reminded me that I was still needed, too.

The other thing about working was that I was able to get counseling through our Employee Assistance Program, and it cost me nothing. I also got counseling for one of my sons through it, too. If you have any kind of counseling available to you through either an Employee Assistance Program or through the medical coverage through your job, use it! It can help so much, and it is not something you have to do forever. It can even help you sort out whether and when you retire.

The other thing would be to take a break or perhaps work some kind of flexible schedule if your job allows it.

Hope this helps....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Men actually find it harder to retire than women do.You see, a woman is by nature a multi tasker, so she can fill her time with housework, hobbies etc. To stay at home to basically have the peace to cry - yes I do understand where you are coming from, but you have nights and weekends where you are alone - would more of the same serve you?
Folks at work mostly understand when you are feeling low, and at least you get to see some faces and someone to share your coffee break with. You can and must be the one to decide of course, but speaking as one who is on the same road as you are - don't be too quick to make any decisions you don't HAVE to right now, take more time to process your ideas more slowly. Wherever you are, you have to experience your grief - a place will not make it either harder or easier. Time does indeed stop your heart breaking in that dreadfully crushing way. Life will never be the same, but you become a little more used to the new road. (((HUGS)))

I never regretted retiring, even once my husband died. I am now 61 and I retired two years ago. I had a very pressurised job and having worked for 37 years I felt I could not carry on. My health was suffering and I though enough was enough. My husband and I felt we could afford my stopping work, now that our children had left home and were making their own life.

My husband died 3 months ago, four months into his own retirement. I am not sure how I would have coped with my grief and having had to work as well. Of course, since I stopped work 2 years ago, I have had time to.organise a new life outside work. I never get bored, even now, I miss him dreadfully but I keep occupied, as always. I have tried to cultivate friendship outside work. And now that our plans are no more, I joined various classes, meet friends who are also retired. I keep busy.

However, I agree with Barbarame that men generally find it harder to retire but it might not be your case. You are the only who can take the decision. It is just another viewpoint on retirement.

Big hug.

Thank you so much for your replies. There were some great responses that helped a lot.
Russ

Oh man. We're in the same place. I love what I do most days, but it really was all about her. Without her there doesn't seem to be much point to it anymore. I can get by without the job income, but what I do is what I am, and I'm really good at what I do. So besides losing my wife, I'm afraid of losing my indentity. I think this will only make sense to guys, not being sexist here, but we identify ourselves by what we do. Work occupys my time, but there's no one to share my daily triumphs with or the occasional defeat. She could always lift me up. I want to quit, every other day, but I'm afraid to.

I can relate to what Trackersam posted, even though I am not a guy. I, too, am afraid of retiring, not because I am afraid of losing my identity, as he said, but because I need to keep as busy and motivated as I possibly can in order to survive. I get so tired during the work week, but once the weekend is here, unless I have plans with my family or friends, I get very sad and depressed by the end of the weekend and am glad I have work to look forward to. I was all set to retire 16 months ago, but am so glad I was able to pull my retirement papers when my husband passed away. The first few weeks were tough, but I am back into the swing of things as far as work is concerned......just need to figure out what to do with the rest of my time, as I really want to retire by the time I reach 65 in 18 months.

hmm, difficult. The standard advice is not to make any major decisions in the first year but seeing as your retirement was planned I'm not so sure.

I get going back to work is hard, I found that too. I also have heard the "keep busy" thing but I think that is more for the convenience of others rather than the person grieving.

if you have things you want to do when you retire I think I'd tend to go with your original plan of retiring.