Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my husband last month in a motorcycle accident in which myself and our 4 year old son were following behind him in our car on the way to church. He was 26, a minister in training and a middle school teacher. He was amazing. Every day is a struggle and I just wonder when anything will feel even close to normal. Nothing feels normal to do because it feels wrong to do it without him. I feel like I am just paused in that moment while everyone else’s life just continues to move forward. It’s like I am going through the motions of day to day life but at night I can’t fall asleep because I feel so sad thinking about him and then in the morning I don’t want to face another day without him. I am trying my best to be strong for our son because his dad was his absolute favorite person in the world, but as soon as he falls asleep I feel so full of grief. I guess I am just hoping for some kind of encouragement because right now I just feel alone. I am very close to my in laws and have been staying with them since it happens and while it’s nice to have their support, I know they are leaning on each other through their own grief of losing their son, while I don’t have my husband to lean on.
I know how you feel, I lost my wife on 13 June to rare cancer and it is something that was coming, but not as quick as everyone was thinking. I have two girls and without support from my family and wife's parents and friends it would be a rough road to travel, I cried alone and I have cried with my girls. I hate the night time after the girls got to bed, as the quietness is very deafening and the loneliness creeps in, as I miss my wife so much and I have now accepted that she is here beside me and that makes it a bit easier, but it still hard. I missed the physical contact with her and I miss her warm hugs and her I love you every night. next Friday 13 July will be 4 weeks since she passed and I stop using social media to communicate with friends and family, as it was too much and I seem to be on a merry a go round and saying the same thing over and over and people saying call me if you want a chat, well i don't have the time or energy to call you, why not you call me? if you want to talk anytime leave a message and we can support each other during this rough time of uncertainty
Maluis
My husband died unexpectedly of a heart attack, and our sons were witness to it, too. Cliff took his last breath in my arms with me screaming begging him not to leave me. The 3 of us left behind were very traumatized. For us, counseling helped. I got mine through an Employee Assistance Program at work, so it was free, as did my older son. My younger son got his through the school psychologist and the school guidance counselor so his was also free, and frankly I could not handle trying to "fix" everything on my own. We needed the help badly. I would encourage you to take advantage of whatever counseling may be available to you.
You might be feeling angry at God about all this. I know I was. It's okay to be angry about it. You will hear a lot of stupid platitudes about death, which will be incredibly unhelpful. The "he's in a better place" comment in particular grated on me. "God needed him more," is another one. Ignore the dumb comments. We all had them, too.
I wish you didn't need us, but I am glad you found us. Welcome.
Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader