Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
some mornings are worse than others - ones where opening the eyes is met with despair immediately - it's like a prison sentence but the bars are within, and in that sense, perhaps more unbearable (harder to grasp?)
It's also springtime and quite lovely in the early morning. The spring before he died, my dear, funny, unique John awoke and - marveling at the beautiful freshly greened tree outside our bedroom window - made a gurgley, elfish, raspberry sound in appreciation of how the 100's of little leaves seemingly sprang out overnight. It was an ode to joy - of life burgeoning forth - unquenchable energy of life
John had the insight. Without him, I fear I will not find it - the memory of his way with words brings it, it does - but there's the shadow of my inner bars waiting to fall across my vision. Damn and pain - please pass!
Anyway I wanted to say to you all - en masse: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU all of you! for extending yourself, in grief, in your kind words of encouragement, in humor, just in reaching out to a stranger. You make me remember, you allow us to share, and you're very kind and courageous and thank you, thank you, thank you. Stay strong! Love and peace to you all!
It's also springtime and quite lovely in the early morning. The spring before he died, my dear, funny, unique John awoke and - marveling at the beautiful freshly greened tree outside our bedroom window - made a gurgley, elfish, raspberry sound in appreciation of how the 100's of little leaves seemingly sprang out overnight. It was an ode to joy - of life burgeoning forth - unquenchable energy of life
John had the insight. Without him, I fear I will not find it - the memory of his way with words brings it, it does - but there's the shadow of my inner bars waiting to fall across my vision. Damn and pain - please pass!
Anyway I wanted to say to you all - en masse: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU all of you! for extending yourself, in grief, in your kind words of encouragement, in humor, just in reaching out to a stranger. You make me remember, you allow us to share, and you're very kind and courageous and thank you, thank you, thank you. Stay strong! Love and peace to you all!
Robert
" living in jail without bars " covers a multitude of emotions
and situations that I am experiencing. I am one week away
from the 8 month mark since I lost my wife. To a great
degree, I am physically confined to sitting at my kitchen
table at home with the TV barely audible and looking at
large photos of her surrounded by burning candles or I am
in my office at work or in between those two points. .
At work, I am also surrounded by photos of her that were
taken in countries throughout the world. She traveled
everywhere with me on business and I developed the
habit of hanging photos of her that were taken in various
countries. I sit at times and look at them and they bring
tears as I look at all of those happy moments. Someone
carefully suggested to me that I may want to consider
taking most of them down if they were making me sad. I
think they meant well with their suggestion but many of
the photos have been in place for years. Removing them
now would cause much more pain. Another loss on top of
a loss. I just can't take any more losses. That's why I have
all of her things at home. For the present, I want no more
changes.
I have to force myself to go to the supermarket. Forget
dining in a restaurant. I have not been in a restaurant
without her in 30+ years with the exception of some large
business functions. I have no desire to do anything
without her.
So, I am confined to my kitchen table and my desk in the
office. The only other place is our bed that we shared
for 30+ years. I wait until the very last moment to go to
bed. I make certain I am exhausted. I don't want to lay
there awake and wait in the darkness for that quiet and
very soft " I Love You " that I heard for so many years. I
know I won't hear it.
So, I am " living in a jail without bars ". I am free to come
and go but I don't want to come and go. I have zero
desire to come and go anywhere without her. Maybe it
will change in time. I don't know. I seriously doubt it. I
loved her too much to ever really enjoy life again. At a
young man, I never thought it possible for me to fall in
love the way I fell in love with her. Every love song I
had ever heard suddenly had meaning almost from the
moment I met her.
Someone posted something a few days ago that truly
represented a question for the ages.
How can something so very beautiful end with so much
pain ? .
I'll never know the answer to that question.
Thanks to everyone for your posts.
Darrell from Texas
That waking up feeling is absolutely horrible. It will be
8 months next week but there are days I wake up and
still think it was just a terrible dream for a second or
so. My hand jerks as I begin the process of reaching
over to wake her as I did thousands of time and reality
hits with full force. I swear there are times when it
almost feels as though someone has punched me in
my stomach area. I tried explaining it to my children
and a few others but they didn't understand it. It is
entirely Impossible to explain to anyone that has not
or is not going through what we are all experiencing.
Darrell
Peace, Tim