I totally understand that. I find myself talking about Danny all the time, and I feel my friends are trying to be supportive but they just want me to move on and be happy. They just don't have a clue. Sending love

I am experiencing the same feelings. People told me the second year would be the hardest and couldn't imagine it any worse, but it is. People are tired of my talking about Al in conversation because they don't know how to respond. I find myself crying more because I miss him so much. And yes, everyone thinks I should move ahead faster.

If anyone has the courage to say that to me, that I need to move on, that Al would want that, etc., I just respond "until you have walked in my shoes".

Hugs to you all.

if your posting your feelings, then your not lost, you just need someone to talk to. We all need that. Your ok by saying your not doing so well today. I have a favor, When you are sad, and feel lost. I want you to think of one thing that your sweet husband said or did for you that made you smile, and each time you start to get sad, you can, but also after a little bit, I want you to picture him there with you, telling you something that made you smile. See after awhile, I started realize, rather than just concentrating on my sadness about sean passing, that I would remember all the things that he did/said that made me smile, and I say them out loud, that way it confirms your time of happiness, not now, but when he was here. Then it makes the sadness a little less excruciating. He would be happy that you are pushing forward, and you are perfect in how you feel, just my two cents worth, hope I didnt upset you. Much love and big hugs carla

Thank you all for you responses. Hugs to each and every one of you. I'm new to this group so please bear with me...It's been 3 years since I lost my husband. He literally walked out of our house and out of our lives forever. He died while out walking..to this day if i allow myself to REALLY "go there"...I still can't believe he's gone. I have so many wonderful memories and I'm thankful for those. But with every new experience i.e. My daughters wedding, becoming a grandparent, my youngest graduating from high school, college graduations the list goes on and on. I find while these are awesome experiences and bring great joy; they're also a constant reminder that John is not here by my side to share in these joyious occassions. I find this to be extremely difficult. This was not the Plan...I was not supposed to be a widow at 52! Ugh! With each passing year it seems to get harder and harder. I find myself becoming more insular, if that makes sense. Sorry for the rambling..

I actually have a childhood friend with whom I recently reconnected. She is the only person I know who has gone through this. She warned me that after awhile her friends complained that she mentioned her late husband too often. So, I took her experience to heart. Interestingly though, when people outside my family and friends mention his name to me, I find that very intrusive (it has been 15 months since he died).

Kathy was a widow at 44, with a 10 and 20 year old.. iimagine the sadness.. yes, and as my husbands heavenly birthday is coming.. I will use you as my strength to get past that second birthday without him.. hope I didnt offend you in any way. much love and hugs carla

Kathryn73, I hear you loud and clear! That same scream is in my head. We are about the same age so you probably remember the cartoon The Jetsons. Jane Jetson had a mask she held up in front of the phone when she didn't want to be seen. That is what I refer to in those moments - I hold up my smiling, hair done, make up fresh mask and say "i'm fine". Everyone here gets it. This site has kept me sane some days. Read old posts if you have time. Reading how others walk this journey has helped me so very much. This is a safe place to be.

Me too. I sometimes give myself a headache doing that.

True friends understand and those that don't well I just move on...I always talk about my husband and always will...if they don't like it then they can choose to leave...You are so right when you say walk in my shoes...no one would ever want to...I have told many I would trade places with them if they think they could do a better job...so far no takers...

Good answer Rosie! (About trading places.) I haven't experienced this yet- though I imagine I will at some point- because I think I'll be mourning for a long, long time. When and if I do ever get a negative response from someone, I know exactly how I'll respond. Thank you!

A friend told me "it takes as long as it takes(to grieve) and one more day. Don't let anybody tell you any different". This statement has been one of those things I hold dear in my heart. Every one is different. Every relationship is different.

In my conversations with folks I make sure that they don't forget or try to redefine me as a single and Linda never existed. But I make sure she did and still lives in my heart and always will. I will not become something that makes everyone more comfortable with, for their sake. I'm not rude about it but I will not allow her to be faded out of existence because it's not comfortable for someone else. We were one and she will always be a part of me and I don't allow others to forget that. And I don't put on any face that I have to fake it. But again I'm not rude to folks in doing this, just transparent.
Peace, Tim