Jesse, NO WAY!!!!! This is exactly what Morey and I have planned. Morey's ashes are in a beautiful cherry wood urn on a shelf in our bedroom. We made a promise to each other that we would be together after death, too. If the second one to pass did not want to be cremated then the first's ashes would be buried with him/her.

I know it's a very sensitive subject for some but each person has a desired wish. Ours was put into our Wills. So, if I were to re-marry my new spouse would have to abide by my Will [as would his] and it's not going to change.

Morey's not in the urn just "stuff" in which his soul resided is there. He used to say, "when I die, I don't want my housing to rot in dirt!' He was a very direct, black and white kind of guy! I loved him that way. Everyone always knew where they stood with him!

I suppose if I chose to be cremated then I would ask my children to be responsible for our urn. Neither one of us want to be scattered anywhere.

Thanks for bringing this subject up.

Roz

My husband always would say I don't want money wasted, so just bury me in the backyard. He was cremated and I have his ashes here in the living room in a beautiful handmade pine box our oldest son made. Recently it has been brought to my attention that a couple of our children want him buried as we have a plot where our infant son was buried 27 years ago. After several days and nights of thinking I have decided to make it known and update my will that I want to be cremated and have my ashes put in with Dad's and then they can bury us together.
Yes I agree with Roz as this is a sensitive subject and agree about adding it to the will that you want to be with your wife and making it known IF and WHEN you meet someone and it gets serious, you let that someone know of the vow you made, how important it is for you to keep that vow.and that it is in your will, so IF you remarry the new spouse will know and abide with your decision. Hope this helps a little... Carol

My husband is cremated and his ashes separated. We both believe that they are just the shell of who we are and our spirit would be ongoing on another level. I will also be cremated and my ashes can be used to comfort those left behind.

My current husband will be buried by his deceased wife. But we will all celebrate together in the afterlife. I am comfortable with this, but all must do as their heart says. Sharon

I understand completely the respect given to a loved one's ashes. But I share the mindset that the ashes are merely the leftovers, the heart, soul & spirit of a person are what remain to be treasured.

I think you are asking two things here: how do you deal with a new partner and still keep your promise to your late wife, and logistically how do you insure your promise is kept?

Provided your will states your wishes and the executor of your will is aware of your wishes, it should not be a problem. You cannot rely on simple word-of-mouth, verbal instructions for this though. You will need to make sure your will is clear on that. That's the logistical bit.

The emotional bit with a new partner -- the only way to handle it is to honestly discuss it with your new partner. If you have a family plot, is there any reason a future wife could not also be buried there?

If your concern is how a new partner would feel about it, you should cross that bridge when you come to it. Your late wife is not competition for a new wife. Or at least she shouldn't be! Any new person who comes into your life needs to be able to accept that you had a life before them. You have history and your late wife is part of that history. I am a widow married to a widower. Sometimes it feels like there are 4 of us in this marriage, because we both have a past married life. I became a widow, I did not enter the Witness Protection Program -- my past is not erased. It is still my history. It wasn't just Cliff's life - it was MY life.

Not all new partners can understand that, nor understand that they do not have to compete with your late spouse. For me personally, I don't think I could have gone into another relationship with someone else if they had not experienced the loss. That's just me. Why? Because I am not going to erase my past or who I am to get into a relationship. I didn't and neither did my new husband.

I hope this helps, and I hope it makes sense.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I had Paul cremated and he's home with me. I'm going to be cremated too someday. Our kids get to decide if they want to keep us or get us a vault somewhere or maybe sprinkle us somewhere nice. I think it'd be cool if I could be made into a diamond. Then my kids could have a very unique piece of jewelry. But I'd want my own drawer in the jewelry box, because I like space. If I'm ever in a relationship or remarry, he can "join the group" someday or not. It won't matter. I'd hope he would focus on the living part.

My Jim was creamated and I kept him next to my bed for the first year...then I put the urn at the cemetery wall niche. Its a niche for 2 but his urn is more like a large box so another urn won't fit so my kids can just toss my ash bag in there...Our plaque is there...just waiting on my death year. I never thought of putting this info in my will..since my kids know what to do but I will now. Someone mentioned the diamond and I am having one made...The only diamond I ever had was the tiniest ever and through the years he would say get a big one but I didn't want to..anyway since I wanted a clear diamond its taking for ever...was a year this October but is almost ready..originally I was going to have it put in a ring but now I'm just getting a stone and I have found a jeweler who will take our rings and put the diamond in the middle..it will be a beautiful necklace...

Oh Jesse, those same thoughts have been churning around in my mind too. We did the same and neither of us could decide where we would like our ashes to be left. We discussed our desire to have our ashes mixed and to be left for eternity together, but we never reached a conclusion. My wife bequeathed her ashes to my care, to do as I felt. For the moment, they stay with me in my bedroom - i know they are no longer the person i knew and loved, but i want them close to me.
It's such a difficult and sensitive subject and one I feel I have to consider with her parents and my step-son - she was also a mother and a daughter.

I think it's nice that you feel that way and that you made those plans. I also believe you are thinking too far ahead, but I'm someone who didn't want the ashes of a human body in my home. After seeing enough bodies lying in state in a casket it became clear to me that the person who walked around in it was not there anymore. Keeping his ashes creeped me out, so I left them with the funeral director for three months until I could bury them in his family plot. I told my kids to have me cremated, no formal service, no grave. I asked my daughter, who is also somewhat unconventional, to spread them out in a nice place in the woods so they can fertilize the trees and plants, but to make sure which way the wind is blowing when she does it. I love plants and the woods and don't want to make my kids go through the emotional calisthenics of a funeral. They can do whatever they want, but that's what I want. Maybe even dump them in somebody's pot field, then I'd know I helped make multiple people somewhere feel good.