I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t try to deliberately make yourself busy to forget about your partner as forcing things tends to makes things worse. Its ok to feel sad and depressed and the longer you’ve been with your partner, you can usually expect it will take long time to heal and move on. You got so used to having that particular person living and interact with you for long time so its only natural that you are having hard time living a different life. You need to be more patient with yourself, give yourself more time/love to move on from your previous life and adjust to new one. Instead of hanging onto obsessively and being very sad every time you remember some memories you have shared with her, be happy that you have met her, lived with her and shared many memories with her for long time. Nothing lasts forever and that’s not only for her but for you and for all of us. So it’s not really about death/ending but about how (and with whom, if you found that special someone) you spend your living life. You should be more appreciative that you have found your love and lucky enough to spend large chunk of your life with the one. Some people pass through this life never meeting one or met one but short lived for various reasons, not experiencing nor having any warm rosey-loving memories like you have. Death comes to all of us, so don’t be sad over death, instead celebrate that you were lucky to cross path with one another, stayed and created many memories together. Your new chapter is here, life moves on and memories of her will come and go many times over as feelings you have of her will always be there. You should feel blissed that it’s a loving memories/feelings as not all relationship has such loving ending. Some people may be glad that their relationship is over or glad someone passed away or stressed/sad that they crossed path with wrong person etc…..
Also don’t feel guilty just because you are moving on. Its ok to let go and move on. Do you think she will be able to rest in peace knowing you are suffering ? Do you think she will be happy you holding onto her and not living your life when she is not in this place anymore ? Give yourself plenty of time, nourish yourself, get in touch with your inner-self, heal and find what gives you peace/happiness/satisfaction and by time you will find yourself living a different life (or doing things differently) to the one you’ve been living/doing for long time.

Dear Joe,
I don't think she would want you to be miserable and so you shouldn't feel guilty when you don't feel awful. You should rejoice because it is a better place you are in then you were earlier. I have been told if you love them, then love for them. Find the light in each day. Do the things you said you were going to do. Live your life. Doing this does not mean we forget them.
It gives me hope in reading that there will come better days.
Be well Joe x

Rose,

Thss as no you for the kind words...they really hit me this morning and were needed!
The thought of love for her does make some sense to me and is a good way to try to reset my negative thoughts!

Thank you to everyone for you time and kind words of advice and fellowship!!!

Best to all!
Joe

My Warrior my Brother in Battle...what i learned in this battle is absolutely nothing. . there is nothing the Grief Monster will do for you. nothing that you can read and there are millions of books on loss. nothing someone can say
nothing will get done if you do not fight this Grief Monster whose only mission is to take your future drain your spirit and destroy the loving memories of your wife. go ahead and say it My Wife...there is nothing i can say but this.
.the man in the mirror will come to know life is gone memories are here
and you must control the narrative use the weapons she left you to fight and i have no idea what she left i do know she still lived and loved joe and left you memories dont let this Grief Monster 4up with them and plant in your mind hopeless dreams of yesteryear the man in the mirror will give you visions instead of dreams he will give you life over grief he will let you use the keyboard and your inner being to help someone else in this post or in this life
my Warrior my Brother I dont know anything that will help but fighting back