You got this Msbklyn! Hugs

It takes so long to even begin to remotely know yourself after losing your spouse ... all these baby steps are wonderful ... please let us know about your weekend! I am four years in after a 42 yr relationship and even tho I am now in a committed relationship with a widower, I struggle emotionally day by day!

Plan on doing some things you enjoy. I can spend a Saturday just puttering around, reading , tending to my plants, changing my sheets. Watching a movie on TV, going to the grocery store, chatting on the phone with a friend.
Sundays, to church, perhaps lunch with a friend, reading the Sunday paper, cutting out coupons, working on a craft, or a crossword puzzle. I'm comfortable with my own company. Enjoy this time to do what you like. Hugs, Dolores

10 months yesterday since my world left and still having meltdowns!! Left me as a shell of a person I used to be!! Crazy stuff happening since he was taken. Like my friend fixed me up with this guy who lives about 1,000 miles away. Just to help each other out and possibly be more than friends later. Because this guy lost his Mother and said he was her rock., and he was also lonely like myself now. CRAZY thing is that this guy's Mother passed away the same day and same time almost, give or take a few minutes!! And we are both Libras . AND another crazy thing was he was a lot like my Big Daddy boyfriend in so many ways!!! I asked my dead boyfriend, who I talk to all the time and the neighbors must think I am certifiable by now, cause I live in half a twin, my dead parents home. I wish my Mom was at least around yet, would make a lot more bearable I think!! But this guy were talking in the phone about a week and he was being my rock and manly man like my boyfriend was. And I was calling him Sweetie like I did my dead boyfriend and said I would spoil him and all and wait on him, which I enjoyed!! But this guy got mad easily, and my boyfriend never got mad, took a lot, maybe cause his great grandfather was a rabbi, he would try to help people with advice and a lot of patience, something I don't have much of since older!! Guess I was talking about my dead boyfriend 2 much and that was the end of this frienthroatand possible relationship!!! Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life now, at 57 years old, because I am going to compare them to my dead boyfriend and try to turn them into him?? Today I am all cried out, had 2 many meltdowns yesterday. So I don't even have that manly friendship that filled a void and he would give me advice and all like my sweet boyfriend did!! Oh well, 2 bad didn't work out because I am stuck in all aspects of my life since and would have loved to leave my crazy family 1,000 miles apart, after I would have to fight for my third of my dead parents half a twin I am now living in. And this guy was looking for a kind hearted little woman and he is a rich retired farmer enjoying the fruits of his labor, but with a health issue could have helped him out with. I now have to still act like a cornered animal who has to strike out because my family and others hurt me cause I am too sensitive and emotional and 2 nice and all. And I wanted to get a boyfriend or out of here before this gay neighborhood guy from when moving back to this neighborhood again. And he thinks we can go out to dinner and see what happens??? And he is sick also, which I feel bad 4 him!! Wasn't it enough my Schweety was taken away from me and I am a sitting duck being thrown all kinds of crazy crap I can't handle!! I had to get on a different nerve and abusing that and melatonin just to make it through the damn day??? Any Divine intervention??? My Aunt s Jeep needs a transmission I was driving her around even though I hate to drive, everybody in such a hurry and I brake for animals!! And she jumping down my freaking throat and had to stick up for myself again, so don't have her friendship either, isolating myself, crazy family, my boyfriend protected from them, crazy. My life a total train wreck now!! And not getting thrown more work did for years, not around humanoids, sorry, get hurt 2 easily and all!! Sorry so long!!

I have not managed to get to your place yet. I have had a few overnights while my daughter visited friends and have done ok. I just have too many things still roaming my mind though my Brenda has been gone for nearly 4 months. Too many things pressing me to enjoy getting out or getting much done on my own. Being somewhat disabled I'm a bit challenged to do a lot of things but I keep trying to broaden my horizons so to speak to see how much I can do on my own. I just have to keep searching for "Me"!