I wouldn’t lend anyone one of your cars. The same thing has happened to me as a widow. I lent the car out to his son. He ran up tollsand eventually totalled the car. Best to keep the car for you and your kids. Just my experience.

Sounds right Stormy. I learned folks never take care of your things the way you do. Just the audacity to think to ask. I did come to the conclusion I’ll keep my car for my son. He takes care of it when he’s home already. I just want folks to be still and let me be. Thank for sharing your experience.

Absolutely, widows can feel defenseless and kind of "exposed" to all kind of abuse, subtle or not so subtle. And the abuse can take any form imaginable. Even worse when you get hit on or bluntly get a proposition for sex - three months after your husband died. Proposition coming from who? A friend of the family, the one who had known and liked your late husband (and himself a widower at that, by the way). What a disgusting jerk...
Just sharing from my own experience.

And so can widowers. You meet all kinds, starting with family (abandoned step-parent). Her family disintegrated when she, the matriarch, died, I think it was about a year and a half into my grief when her son came by to pick up some specific furniture I had no use for but wanted him and his family to have. So he comes, and says something like, What about the coach? I thought you were going to give me the coach. I just said, "Oh no. Not the couch". Now if you knew him, you would know him to be a mooch. Mooched off me for decades. So I thought to myself, What am I supposed to sit on? The floor? That was the last time we saw each other, haven't talked since.

I'm in a writing mood but do not want to high jack DJC's thread. I know this widower has dang near gone through the wringer when it comes to being preyed upon. So I'll do a post about it. Be careful out there. ~~~ Scottie

I welcome all sides. Feel free to talk away. I thought I was being overly suspicious. Now I know I’m not. The moochers and the widow chasers all came out. But I stand my ground if I’m not doing anything sure I listen. Conversation turns towards your money problems ok sure talk it out. You ask for money nope I got three kids no husband one income you should be offering me. I got to live selfish that way now. As for the chasers I laugh. You got big shoes to overfill. So I see you and don’t.

I have in laws that only talk to me to ask for something. I've had to limit our relationship because I've gotten tired of being solicited. How about a little sympathy. Are you not grieving the loss of your sister and your daughter? C'mon. I'm no sucker and I've dealt with things like this for years even before she passed.

DJC, be selfish. Take care of your kids and yourself. That's the priority now. I wouldn't lend them that car. Just my opinion.

A lot of people think you get a big payout of life insurance money and that you are suddenly well off. That is so incredibly rare it is pathetic. I only knew one young widow that happened to - her husband was killed in an accident and they had $250K accident life insurance. Everybody hit on her, but she held her ground for her kids thankfully. I got lots of fishing questions about how was I set financially after Cliff died. It's nobody's business. I was lucky that I had a small policy through my work that covered him along with our sons. I bought it to cover our boys, not him, but luckily it covered all the funeral expenses and paid off his debts, so at least that was not hanging over me.

Most people think we come into a bundle when we are bereaved, and also think we are easy pickings. That's true for some of us, but not most of us. Most of us struggle mightily after the loss.

My advice is always the same: Remember that what was his/hers is now YOURS. Unless it was bequeathed in a will or you are otherwise legally obligated to turn it over to someone else, DON'T give away anything for a minimum of 6 months and it's better to wait a full year before doing so. I personally made the mistake of giving away some of Cliff's tools early on only to find later that I needed them, and then I had to replace them out of my own pocket. And the people I gave stuff to somehow disappeared when I needed help. Tough lesson learned.....

There were also some creepy instances of being hit on, too. Yuck!!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

So true Martha. And you know it’s hard for me because I am generally a generous person especially with family and those close to me. It’s hard for me to say no, but I have had a lifetime of saying no to my own kids because my husband died without a damn penny to his name. If I cannot do for my own children; I sure as hell will not hand over my hard earned money to some asshole scam artist. I stopped accepting help from people as well because it made me feel like shit. I don’t need anyone’s pity. In fact I am getting to the point where I will not share with the woman I live with what is going on with my job because she has started getting all weird on me. It’s like they think our brains stopped working when we lost our spouses.

I just feel lonely would like to socialize with other that lost their spouse so I'm not alone I love my husband so so much I am not ever gonna see him alive again and it hurts so bad

@efmamabear your in the right place. Tell us about your husband. Share as much or as little as you like. What’s on your mind.