Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Pre-Dawn Spookiness

shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17

Whenever I have to get up "early,"  like before ths sun comes up, it's always spooky, but this morning I just can't describe how weird and desolate the feeling.  It almost feels like I have ice in my veins.  Then the exact same routine follows.  I hate this.  I want out of this prison of grief and loneliness.  Even if I were to move, I would still be ALONE.  I don't think it's fair that I even have to try to figure things out.  I wish I could just get in my car and drive far away, but I think someone stold my gps.  I'm looking for it, like Scotty is looking for that remote!  

shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
No, I have not made a final decision. For one thing, I would have to find a house that had some sort of storm shelter. One of those tornadoes came close to taking out my grand kids several years ago. It did take their home. By the time July rolls around, I may not even have the money to move. I have moved so may times in the last 7 years. It will be a trade-off, whatever I do.
Momster18
Momster18
Dear Shewearsblack17,
I understand that predawn feeling 100%. I too suffer with morning anxiety since my hubby left me. Often times I feel like running away, but I know I can't escape the grief. It bears down on me like an elephant sitting on my chest. I wish we could talk to each other during those wee hours. It's so confusing and uncomfortable. Thinking of you.
nell79
nell79
Well add me to the predawn party. I’ll bring the mimosas and Bloody Marys. I wake up just about every morning at 4ish, sometimes I go right back to sleep and other times I am awake for the day. I feel the need to run away too, but like shewearsblack said I’d still be alone, the grief would still be a part of me wherever I end up and it sucks! I know I say that a lot but I cannot think of another way to describe it. It truly sucks and I don’t see it getting better anytime soon.
Rick51
Rick51
While I don't suffer those bump in the night fears, I do wake up many times or have trouble falling asleep. For those times I turn on the radio. I listen to Coast To Coast AM with George Noory. It's kind of a strange radio show, but keeps me entertained and runs from 10 pm until 5 am. It offers lots of bizarre topics which keeps my mind distracted. I had to get an Internet radio that works off wifi to pick it up at our new location, but Glenda and I listened to it a lot at old location. Not advertising, just telling you what I do when sleeping a problem.
Momster18
Momster18
Perhaps our predawn group should sign onto this discussion and connect to each other. I know I would give anything some mornings just to connect with someone.
raininseattle
raininseattle
In my first year I had an iPhone App called White Noise to help me sleep. I turned it on and just on low volume settings and something like waves or crickets. Not trying to sell anything or fix you'll but I don't want to be on the screen at 4 am in the morning.
Momster18
Momster18
It's 5:28am and I'm up feeling very anxious. So many things on my mind. They all seem like giant monstrous issues. Predawn frights are the worst. Anyone up?
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
I woke up a few times during the night. Then by the phone, once I settled back into sleep. Maybe Momster has a point; we get all these things on our mind, all the issues that we now deal with alone. I still feel like I am "on the clock." Old habits die hard. I can't sleep with music playing, which was always an issue with both my husbands. They couldn't sleep without noise, so I guess that may have been why they were up and down during the nights. I do like noise during the day, other than the landscapers.
scottito
scottito
Oh, precious sleep. I had a lot of problems with that. A person just can't function on 3 or 4 hours sleep long-term as I was doing. long-term in my grief. Getting a puppy was a real positive for me. Worth the hassles. Like last night, I was spinning in my head about some stressful work issues for half the night, woke Blue up, and just cuddled her. Then I settled down and got a few hours of rest. Still looking for that dang remote! Scott
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
Last night I didn't go to sleep till like 3;30 in the morning. This was after taking a melatonin. It seems that I am haunted by "what ifs." Plus working on these taxes. Still don't want a dog and certainly not a cat. My friend has two cats whom she allows on the kitchen table, not to mention the way they claw her furniture. I won't say never, but I can't see it right now.
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