I really don't have any suggestions - it was just five months yesterday my husband passed away and I am going through what is happening to you. I am not on any medication, but you may have to change medication. Be kind to yourself because I think this time of the year is so very hard. The holidays I think make our grief harder because we have no one to share with the things we always did together. I can't wait until the season is over. Blessings to you and lots of hugs

Hi Langlois,
What you're describing may have aspects of PTSD; I think any sudden death can bring on those symptoms. I also experience some of that as well as my partner was healthy one day and died instantly the next. I can't seem to handle any changes, no matter how small, and any type of stress is very difficult. A lot of the other things you are describing sound like "normal" grief: apathy, lack of enthusiasm about anything, foggy thinking, and exhaustion. Six months is still very early in the grief journey.

Perhaps a different medication would help you. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist--someone who specializes in matters of the brain and not just a family doctor. Continuing to see your counselor and replaying the events will help you; it takes a while for the awful reality to sink in and by rehearsing it over and over again it becomes somewhat easier to accept.

Time will help; you may be at the peak of your grief now. I'm 15 months into this now, and I found that after 6 months or so I started turning the corner a bit. Just be patient and kind to yourself--you've been through something horrible. It will take time to heal. Do whatever little thing might bring you a few moments of relief or pleasure and then try to build on that. It may be something you used to like to do but then didn't while you were married. And just remember we're here to listen and respond.

Hugs, Amy

Feeling shaky - check
Stressed - check
Nothing appeals to me - check
Can't think straight - check
Exhausted - check
Confused - check
Quick to anger - check
Plus so much more. I'm not on any medication, don't believe in it. It's all new to me too. Think I'll cry for a while.
Ken

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't take any drugs. Granted the physical and mental pain is so bad, but to me, drugs add another layer of concern. Often Dr's give you stuff because that's their way of thinking. I took over the counter sleep stuff, because I was staring at the walls all night, but I'm off everything now. If they could find a pill to take this all away, that would be great, but it's something we have to live through. Good luck getting on with this sad sad journey, and know that you aren't alone.

Along with the other excellent suggestions listed here, I would just add that you might want to start thinking of redefining "normal". You aren't likely to feel how you used to feel ever again, because this has been such a life-changing experience and you are not the same person anymore. People talk about finding the "new normal" and that takes time. I found that setting small goals for each day helped me keep moving forward. I am now at 2 years, and I can tell you it does get better, but it is a slow process and involves a lot of trial-and-error to find our way through the grief. You sound about "normal" for six months. Give yourself time and realize that there is no time limit on grief - it takes as long as it takes. Hugs, laurabp

How long have you been on your medication? It sometimes takes awhile to build up in the system. However, it wouldn't hurt to check with the doctor; maybe something else would help you feel better. It has not been that long since you lost your spouse, and with the 6 month anniversary and the holidays, not surprising that you are feeling these things. Be gentle with yourself, but do check back with your doctor, especially if you don't feel better within a week or two. Good luck; it is a hard road, especially the first year. All the "firsts!"

I don't have any suggestions. I can only tell you what I'm doing. I lost my husband quickly. It was an aneursym with no noticable symptoms. He was healthy, planning our future, and just like that it was all over.

I cope by going to God. I did so quickly, calling my church the minute it happened. I've moved now and haven't found a church home that I feel comfortable with, so I'm reading the bible and keeping my mind on what Jesus has done for us. My husband is alive in Heaven.

Some days I get weak and come here. I talk to members and listen to their stories. I watch religious programs on television, keeping my mind on the fact that these are the end-times. None of us have much time left.

I work, write, eat too much, exercise, and love my stepdaugher and her little family. I take one day at a time, excepting the sadness, anger and loss that I've suffered. I refuse to live with guilt, so I kicked it out from the beginning.

I know God will pick me up and He has, everyday since this happened. Sometimes I smile and on good days I laugh. I know that my life was enriched by knowing my husband and I go on.

Langlois - i am being treated for PTSD, both by my physician & my therapist. Actually my husband went through some of the same things - on the ventilator (which I had to make the decision to remove him & then really just stayed there with my family & watched him die) & the morphine drip, etc. Seeing this has haunted me terribly & many times when I get to thinking, that is the vision I get. Beginning the first Thursday in January & each Thursday thereafter, my therapist is startingt a new type of therapy on me - called EMDR. you can read about it on the EMDR Institute website. Thst website also lists symptoms of PTSD. It will help me to block some of the traumatic things I went through with him in the hospital (it was terrible). It does not block the memories of him, just blocks (to a point) & lessens the trauma with which I am struggling . Ronnie passed away 16 months ago & unfortunately the things that keep surfacing are the ventilaor, and then his care (or lack of) on the regular floor. I want desperately to get beyond these hurtful things. Look up the website & ask your counselor if he/she feels you could have PTSD - they say with a death, it is not uncommon. Right now for as bad as I hurt, I feel like it was only yesterday I went through his death. I don't want to move on per se, I just want to get beyond the most traumatic parts. I wish you the best - it is not an easy journey & eventually we will get through it. CHERI

CHeri,
Good luck with the EMDR; I've heard wonderful things about that. As always, it's important to find someone who has good training in that specific area. PTSD is very serious and won't go away by itself. It's important to find someone who specializes in that area and to get the proper medical and talk therapy help, in addition to awesome treatment like EMDR.

Good luck to you, and to Langlois. I hope you can get the help you need. Hugs, Amy