Hi,
I am very sorry for your loss, which is so recent. You're right about this journey. I lost my husband 7/14/13.
You know I noticed the same thing in my photo album, so many pics of places and dogs, but few of him or us.
That sadness grabs you and won't let go. I got better sleep after joining a gym and working out like a demon.
You'll find the ways of coping that work for you, but here people share how they manage and it gave me ideas.
God bless, Trici

Thank you for 'venting'. I, too, am feeling nothing but sadness since my partner died 01/16/2015. And I have regrets that I had no photo of the two of us together although we were together for 23 years. Hopefully someday the over powering sadness will diminish for us.

Hi
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 4-19-14. The first few months there was so much to take care of, so many responsibilities and lots of family support, all those things kept me really busy. Then as the months went on, I really felt I was walking in a fog all the time, just barely getting through each day. I found this site and everyone to be very supportive and helpful. We are all here for each other.
I read somewhere "you get out of bed each day, put one foot in front of the other and keep walking without our loved one with us"
Please hang in there, vent whenever you need, take baby steps and don't forget to take care of yourself.
Hugs to you.

I'm at 6 weeks without Ray and it does surprise me the rollercoaster emotions I have gone through. Like you the first weeks all I did was think about Ray's finial months and then the finial days/day, what I could have done differently maybe could have changed the outcome. I would so vividely see him his last moments when he died on the front stoop of the Dr. office after a Dr. office visit.

This weekend a great saddness came over me, I spent most of Sat. and Sunday crying. Crying at the loss of Ray, crying at being so lonely, crying because I so want to just go be with him but am stuck here. It's not my choice to leave this world. And my dogs need me because they'd have no one to care for them if I wasn't here.

Working outside I did have some fits of anger. I tried to make kindling for the woodburner and chopping wood with the heavy axe was hard. Yelled a little but got it done. Yelled at the dogs because they were so excited to run in the snow and about knocked me down.. Just yelled out of frustration..I was so angry.

Today, monday, am back to just being sad. I'm tired and worn out from so much emotion. God help us through all of this to at least being at piece with our lot in life.

I feel too that for me the hospital visions are receding (the traumatic memories) and now the sadness, regret and anger are coming in. Also I'm feeling more of the "unfairness" of life --- I see people around who really do not seem to appreciate or be aware of what they have, and while I know that this is actually sad for them because they won't realize what they have til it's gone, I get upset because I really do feel that my life has been hard over they years because of many losses. My husband's life was hard too, and that's why we so openly appreciated and loved each other for the 11 years we were married -- we knew how lucky we were the whole time. So this is a mix of emotions and I feel that for me, the stages of grief happen over and over again, sometimes in one day. I am doing very well in my grief counseling (an 8 week group session with a counselor), and I'm learning a lot about myself in the process. Key for me is taking care of myself (eating right and doing yoga and meditation). I hope you find what works for you to get through this terrible time.

I love your pictures...I don't have a lot of me and my husband...and way way more of him and the kids than of me and the kids...I guess its hard to be in the photo when you are the one taking it...the thing I love the best about my old photos is "the capture"...you didn't even know how it was going to turn out until they were developed...no 75 shots of the same thing until you found 1 You like...yet we were able to capture amazing moments...in this crazy world of instant everything...especially information...its so easy to over analize everything..I am gonna do my best to be ruled by my heart and my gut instinct VS everything else...I know how bad this hurts you but I can tell you this from my heart..it does get better...I know this because I feel it...a little over 2 years here...sending u a great big hug!!!

I started this journey nineteen months ago. What helped me during the first few months was putting together a photo journal. I loved to take pictures, so I chronicled from our dating years to Life Even After. I made comments because I didn't want to forget those special moments pictured. It took me 1 1/2 years, because I would become so overwhelmed. The pictures included trips and events taken even after he passed. I finished New year's 2014 with 600 photos and comments. He was my second husband and we were together 36 years, married almost 30. He was my first true love.

yes, pictures are a great comfort. We took a ton of pictures over the years. My husband loved photography and took great pictures. I carry a few in my purse now and it is nice to know he travels with me everyday.

Sorry for you loss. I store a few picture of my husband and a couple of us together on the cell phone. I place a photo of us next to my computer at work and on screen. This help me get through each day at work as if he is still with me.

You most definitely have my sympathies. My wife died 2/19/15, just 2 weeks ago. I have been in Hell, ever since. When I am not miserable, I make myself miserable by feeling guilty for feeling a little normal. Everywhere I look, I am surrounded by her memory. I moved from Charlotte to her town and in her house. I had never set foot in this town, prior to meeting her. So I see her, everywhere. The pain was gut-wrenching, the 1st few days. It has eased only slightly. The tears seem to come flooding out of nowhere. I can look at her pics, one minute & be fine. 10 minutes later, I look at the same pics and fall apart. I have been alone for most of my life and I finally had found the perfect woman, for me. Now, shes gone...

It is amazing to me how unprepared we all are for this extraordinary trek through grief when it hits. I am almost 7 months out from my husband's passing and while some things are indeed better, the sadness can still be overwhelming. I remember hearing my father talk about Winston Churchill's famous quote during WW II, "When you find yourself in hell, keep going." Although there are many other sayings and much gentler words that have brought me comfort, I have to say that I have found Churchill's to be pretty motivational. And often the ones that comes to me at night when I can't sleep or when I begin thinking about the "what ifs..." and the "how could this have happened?"

I think there is wisdom, strength, and healing in the "just keep going" plan. And I can see from many posts on different subjects how often the folks here are doing just that and inspiring one another forward. It seems that you are doing this too and I can only say that I admire that and wish you greater peace as you journey further on.

Take care,
Valie

Thanks for listening and sharing. It's a genuine help.