I find that it happens, now. After the 1st week, I got to where I could think of her and smile, but tears were not far behind. Right now, it can go either way. When I talk about her with friends & family, I can smile about things relating to her.

But I am far from being "ok." I am falling apart at least once a day, if not several times.

I am at 10 months now. So far the first 4 months were the toughest for me.

Months 5, 6 and 7 I still cried every day and when I wasn't crying I was angry or afraid of what my life would now be like.

I noticed I felt a bit better in months 8 and 9. I would wake up and my very first thought was not always "Oh God, he's gone". I could smile when I looked through pictures and every song on the radio did not reduce me to tears. I thought I was really doing better through the 10th month, but I just had a week of anxiety attacks.

I still cry sometimes, but not as much. I still miss him like crazy, but it is much easier to deal with now. I really did not think I could survive in the beginning. Everyone's journey is different so I can't tell you when you will feel better, but you will.

Hugs to you.

I asked a widow the same thing in the early stages of my grief. She told me I wouldnt like the answer. I said tell me anyways. She said 4 years. The good news is in my case I feel I reached a turning point at about 2 years. What I mean by that is rather than focusing on the loss I was able to be filled with gratitude for what I had. As I have traveled through this 2 years the grief waves gradually became less intense and further apart. Of course they often come when you least expect them. All that said everyone's timeline is different. The only thing I can tell you for sure is you will reach a point where as you put it you feel a little ok. Sending you a big hug.

Well, life is beginning to get a little bit better for me lately. I have cable, internet and phone all on my cable subscription. I bought a wifi device that I plugged into cable box that controls my internet, and bought a Roku Streaming Stick so I can get Youtube and Netflix wireless. That way I can watch movies and Youtube on my TV instead of on my computer. All of this came together Saturday and for the last 3 days I've been watching a bunch of movies. Well, not all of those I have watched were great (or even good) but they were better than watching The Weather Channel, CNN and MSNBC all day, which is what I was doing. And the overwhelming sadness has left my heart. Not that I'm happy (I'm not yet happy) but I am less sad than I have been. And that works for me.

As for your question about smiling about memories of our loved ones. So far I haven't gotten to that point yet. But I looking forward to it when and if it happens.

For some we feel better in months and others take years. We can't put a date on it because our marriages are different and we are different. Were you independent in your marriage? Did you know troubles? How were they dealt with? Was this a new love, stolen before you had time to live or we you together for a lifetime, but far from ready to lose him /her? It all has a bearing. What also happens is how long you've personal mourning period is. We grieve and grow at different times and ways. You will move at the right time for you and that's why we walk together. Sharon

This research article seems to suggest that 6 month is a benchmark when it says that acute symptoms of grief lessen at then. I have no idea if this is true. I am at 5 week, struggling big time

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grief-loss/info-03-2011/truth-about-grief.html

Today is 8 months for me.
It's easier to cope now, but I still have feelings of deep sadness, panic, and anxiety. Those feelings are lessening with time, and medication.
I don't cry as much as I did.
I still miss him terribly, and I always will.

I agree with Sharon - it's going to depend on a lot of different factors, including how your marriage went, how independent you were while they were alive, how much permission you give yourself to feel and grieve, whether there were unresolved problems between you when they died, etc.

When was the first time that the thought of Cliff brought a smile instead of tears? Somewhere around 2-1/2 months I think. It took 4 months before I could look at photos as those just made me cry. I think by 6 months I had my grieving into a routine -- I had figured out when during the day I could give myself the space to cry and remember and still get on with my life. I recognized that I could mourn Cliff while still going forward with my life, and that it didn't matter what anybody else thought of that. No one else was living my life. It was my life, my timeline, my survival, my way of honoring him.

On any given day those thoughts of your loved one can make you smile or make you cry or piss you off big time. The same memory can do each of those things. It's wacky and you will think you are going nuts, but you're not. It will just take some time to get through it all.

Don't be frightened. You can get through this. It's not a walk in the park, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Love and Hugs,
Martha