Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Mgould 04/15/2010

Ive tried so hard to make things ok and think maybe I should give up. In the last year my husband and I lost a total of 3 FT and 2 PT jobs. Im working 2 jobs and a month ago was taking 2 classes also, along with being the only family around to help my mother.

Monday I woke up and found all my fish were dead. I threw them away and cried all the way to work. On Tuesday I took my dog, Max (8 yr old schnoodle) to the vet for an infection after being groomed. The vet (who I had never been to before) said she thinks he has cushings disease and wants to have him tested - for $980. If he needs pills that would be $125 a month and maybe he has diabetes too and that would be more. She didnt like his behavior because he tried to snap at them when they attempted to put a q-tip in his infected ears. The vet was downright mean and said she didnt like my dog (and everyone else thinks hes such a sweet dog) and therefore said he could not join their Plan. I told her he had been upset since my husband died and she acted like I was crazy. I looked on-line and saw most dogs only live 2-3 yrs after diagnosis of cushings. I dont understand why they cant start with some simple blood tests first but Im not going back there anyway.

Wednesday my son called to say when he flushed the upstairs toilet lots of water came down into the family room. This morning I flushed the toilet in the master bath (where the shower is already ruined) and more water came down- so both are broken.

Two mos after my husband died I learned I'd be one of 20,000 teachers in IL let go. I went to work today and saw the new recall list - 732 teachers are ahead of me. (Altho most are not special ed.)

The first raccoon man (I had raccoons tear up my house when my husband was dying in ICU) tried to charge me more than double what he should have luckily my insurance co told me and recommended someone else. All cars have broken down and Im questioning whether the car shop charged more than they should have. I dont understand why my car insurance was canceled last month because no one has had an accident or claim since we got the insurance a year ago. I dont feel I can trust the vet, the car repair man and dont have a plumber.

I dont think one person other than my kids has ever seen me cry and everyone keeps saying youre so strong. Ive tried to be optimistic but I dont know what to do now Ive had it. Half my old friends havent called or emailed in the 4 mos since my husband died. Guess theyre not my friends anymore. Im so upset about my dog. He sleeps next to me every night. Hes always happy to see me. Why cant some of these people be more sympathetic.

sorry if this is long... guess I just wanted to vent a bit. Anyone know the cost of testing for Cushings? I think they're trying to rip me off too. I think my husband was treated with more respect. They think I'm clueless - which I am. I didn't deal with this stuff before.

Truhal 04/15/2010

I don't know about the rest of them but I do know not to trust the vet. Vets are hungry due to the recession. I have a dog too. she's 15. Two years ago my dog had diarreha and the vets eyes lit up when I walked in the door. He was talking about liver failure and cancer. He wanted to run test. I took my dog home, the diarr cleared up and she's fine.

Last year I took her to another vet for her yearly shots. This one came out with all sorts of brochures about rare illnesses that can be passed on to people. I told him to give the shots I usually get and left.

My dog is fine and your's probably is too. I'm not saying not to test her because if she does have it, it can be serious. Just take her somewhere else for a second opinion. Don't mention what the other doctor said and see what happens. Don't count your young dog out just yet. As I said mine is 15 and is doing quite well.

deleted_user 04/16/2010

I am so sorry....you have a lot of stuff to deal with right now...in addition to your grieving. I am with Truhal. Get a second opinion. I am just past 11 weeks and my older Boston Terrier is still not over Jim's death. The boarding facility told me that he snapped at them last week. He has NEVER snapped at anyone before. I am crying and upset all the time and I am sure my Boston has picked up on that and is acting out. I am sure your Max has picked up on your mood too. Meanwhile, just try to take a deep breath get through one problem at a time. You are in my thoughts and I hope tomorrow is better for you (and Max). Dianne

tessandbarney 04/16/2010

Definitely get a second opinion on your dog. Ask around and try to find a more sympathetic caring vet as well. His attitude is awful both to you and your poor dog. It doesn't take too much to understand and empathise with a dog who is in pain being a bit touchy and you would expect a vet to understand. My old dog was diagnosed with Cushings when he was 8 years old, he had been treated for an underactive thyroid since he was 2 and this often leads on to Cushings it seems. My vet was marvellous with Max. I'm in UK so I can't really comment on the costs but I remember that quite expensive specialist blood tests were required for diagnosis and then had to be repeated to get the medication dose right. The medication itself was pretty expensive as well but it kept Max well and enjoying life until he was over 14. I had pet insurance which paid the costs initially but for the next couple of years they put up the premium so much that it was actually cheaper to cancel the insurance and pay myself. My vet was immensely supportive and gave me the drugs at cost price. I discussed it all with my vet and knew that I would never put Max through an operation at this age no matter what happened therefore I didn't have to worry about needing more expensive treatment for him. Having a vet that I trusted made a tremendous difference and I think you should shop around for someone you like and trust. After all, it's your money and quite a lot of it that they're asking for.
I'm so sorry that you have so much on your plate to cope with right now. It would be bad enough normally but just makes your loss even harder to bear never mind trying to be optimistic. I wish I could suggest something to help. Here in UK we have various support services including a Citizens Advice Bureau which can point someone at places specific to their needs, I don't know if you have somewhere similar that you could approach for advice. As for your poor dog, I would keep pushing to find a good vet for him, you need him as well as love him. It's sad that at this time I think it is often our pets that come through as our best friends. I'm thinking of you and hoping that things will get a bit easier for you, but vent all you need. I'd be happy to listen and know that many people on this site will be too, you are among friends here.

deleted_user 04/16/2010

Please get a second opinion. My Cairn terrier was diabetic for the last 4 years of her life. Insulin twice a day. Every 6 weeks a blood test for Cushings disease. Which luckily she never had. The blood test will tell if the dog has either. She lived to be 13 and was a great dog. The insulin and constant tests can be very costly. But, I was glad to be able to keep her with me for 13 years.

deleted_user 04/16/2010

I don't trust many vets as some will make things up just to get into your wallet. They also charge an arm & a leg for ointments & salves that have the exact same ingredients as those sold at any pharmacy. I have saved a lot of money by caring for my pets at home. If it's serious I take them in, but I find it's not usually necessary.

Most infections can be cured with antibiotics.
If it's just in his ears they make drops for that.
If your dog got the infection after he was groomed & it's topical maybe he's having a chemical reaction to the soap they used(?).
I'd bathe him & swab out his ears to see if it doesn't help.

If he's lethargic, vomiting, dry nosed, gums look pale or if there is a lot of heat radiating from the infected area I'd worry.

I know dogs can have bad skin reactions to chemicals they come into contact with. Once my dog walked in something & the pads on his feet swelled enormously & cracked. I just soaked his feet in warm soapy water a few times a day & made him wear socks. In a week all was fine.

I hope everything works out okay..

Mgould 04/17/2010

Thanks for the replies- I feel better about everything. Another vet suspected my dog had a thyroid problem several years ago and did a blood test but it came up negative. Now his hair is worse, however. It does concern me that TessandBarney said a thyroid problem can lead to Cushings. I'm so encouraged that your dog lived so long though - everything on line was saying the dogs live about 2-3 more years.

I thought I would keep track of how much he eats and drinks before I take him to someone else. I may take him back to his "old" vet since they have his record. There were 2 vets in the office and 1 we liked & 1 we didn't. He hasn't been there in several yrs (hasn't had any health problems) and I decided to switch since the last time he was in it cost me close to $300 when he was stung by bees. The vet cleaned his ears with a cotton ball and charged $40 for just that. I thought this is insane and decided to try the Banfield Plan with the Petsmart stores.

Max doesn't drink much water - and I read excessive drinking was a major symptom. The vet said "I won't allow him on the Plan because I have to protect my staff". Protect her staff? - they immediately put a muzzle on him - he couldn't hurt a fly. He's never been great at the vet but since my husband died I think it made a difference.

It just seems so many are out to get money from you with so little concern over the problems you may be having. Travelers Insurance & the people who fixed my house, however, worked together to do a great job on my house at literally no cost to me. After they found out about what the first person had done who I hired to get rid of the raccoon and repair the house they went above and beyond what they should have. So - there are still good people out there too.

tessandbarney 04/17/2010

When my Max was diagnosed with Cushings my vet also told me that I could expect 2 to 3 years with Max but I actually got 6. Apart from the annual blood tests for the first few years he was very stable, well and happy. He was tested for throid at 2 because he suddenly put on a massive amount of weight and developed a limp. Because it happened so quickly my vet immediately tested for underactive thyroid. Again apart from regular blood tests and very cheap thyroid hormone replacement pills he was fine for the next 12 years with no symptoms. When he was diagnosed with Cushings, I can't remember what the symptoms were that made me think there was a problem but my vet tested for Cushings specifically amongst other things because he said that it often followed an underactive thyroid. The Cushings wasn't treatable because it was likely a tumour on the pituatory or adrenal gland, which was inoperable. Although the treatment was expensive, it was very affective and dealt with the symptoms very rapidly. He had to have the regular blood tests initially because of the risk of overdosing on cortisone and going into shock if they didn't get the dose right. My vet gave me a list of warning signals to watch for in case Max went into shock but it never happened. I think they finally only had to adjust his dosage once and then he stabilised. In the end I had to have him put to sleep at 14 because of an accumulation of old age problems that just got too much for him, deafness, arthritis and then finally virtual blindness which made him panic a lot. It is frightening though when you hear about these potentially fatal illnesses from your vet, it's natural to expect the worst but my vet was very good about getting both problems under control quickly and reassuring me that they were common problems with tried and tested solutions. It is crucial to be able to trust a vet though, our pets are so important to us and at this terrible time in our lives we really need them. Funnily enough one of my dogs now, Barney who was a rescue at 1 year old, also had tests for thryoid as he seemed to have stamina problems at first. He was diagnosed with border line underactive thyroid but the vet advised not medicating at that stage but just to retest in 6 months. He was in a very poor state when I got him but after 6 months of good diet and exercise his tests came back much improved and within the normal range and he's fine now. I do hope that your Max recovers quickly and you find a vet you can trust. I think we all feel so very vulnerable without our partners and it's doubly hard if you don't feel you can trust people you depend on. Wishing you some respite from all these worries and sending you and Max lots of hugs

Mgould 04/17/2010

Thank you for all the information. I bought him some pills for skin and coat but I'm going to wait till summer break before I take him to another vet - when I have more time. It is encouraging to read even it it is cushings he can have many more years.

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