Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I was talking to a widowed friend recently who has dipped her foot into the dating pond. She had a bad experience and was upset. Mostly at herself, because she felt she had made a mistake, that she wasn't ready to start dating. And she blamed herself, boy did she blame herself. "How could I do such a thing? Why didn't I know better?" Finally, I looked at her and said "Where is it written that you are supposed to be perfect? Maybe you made a mistake, that's okay, let it go. Do you blame a toddler for falling on his/her rear end when they are learning to walk? Or do you say, go boom, smile, pick them up, and let them try again?" She laughed at me, but I think she got my point.
We are like toddlers at first, fresh into this strange world not of our making. And it is okay to "Go boom". It is okay to to cry at the grocery store, to get mad at friend's Facebook posts, to generally make mistakes in this new life. After all we are only human. So please give yourself permission to make a mistake today, maybe even two, and don't carry it in your heart like the worst thing ever. Just pick yourself up and carry on. It's all okay.
Hugs,
Val
I'm sure many, if not all of you, heard of this old joke:
A deeply religious man, whom I will call Dave, finds himself in dire financial trouble. He prays earnestly to his God to help him out of his predicament. "God, I'm about to lose my car. Please help me. Let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but sadly, Dave is not the winner.
Things go from bad to worse. Without a car to get to work, Dave loses his job. Without a job, his mortgage is foreclosed on, and he loses his home. Without a home, his wife leaves him, taking the kids. After each horrible step in the mounting crisis, he pleads with God to let him win the lottery, but he never does.
Finally, broke, hungry, living on the street, he tries again. "God, please, my life is a wreck. I have no car, no home, no family. Please let me win the lottery just this once so that I can turn my life around. I beseech you."
Suddenly, a flash of light rends the sky, and the voice of God echoes down from the heavens. "Dave, meet me halfway. Buy a ticket."
That story was hilarious! Made me chuckle out loud. Although I have no interest in dating, Idon't think that your friend stepping into the dating world was a mistake (although a bad experience). I'm still baby stepping my way through this new life but am trying to do the things that I've always wanted to do (for instance, I'm taking a creative writing course this fall). Life is a journey - I just want to live my best possible life and be open to new experiences. Good luck to your friend.
Peace, Tim