Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I am finding at 4 1/2 months in traveling in patchy fog. Sometimes the widow fog is so dense I have an almost impossible time finding my way. Then suddenly the fog will lift or at least get better. Sometimes this are so clear.
The loss and loneliness never leaves me but sometimes I also find laughter and joy with my 2 little grandsons. Their existence and proximity force me to buy Christmas gifts and make slippers, hats and scarves.
In clearer moments I have found I'm waiting. The past two years have been filled with serious and life threatening illness for my sweetie and me. I survived and was able to bring him home with hospice.
During those many hours with him at the hospital I sat and waited. I stayed in his room and waited for Dr. rounds, waited for test results, waited for him to get pain relief, waited for him to sleep, waited for his therapy, waited for him to get better and come home, waited for him to die. I sat with my smartphone and did research on his illness and meds and played games. Filled hours and hours playing games.
Now I find myself sitting evenings smartphone in hand, playing games. Hours and hours of games. Tonight I had an epiphany. I am waiting. I sit here until 2:00 -3:00 am, waiting. Waiting for him to come in to the tv room and say, "You better come to bed, dear." just like he always did.
The fog is easier.
The loss and loneliness never leaves me but sometimes I also find laughter and joy with my 2 little grandsons. Their existence and proximity force me to buy Christmas gifts and make slippers, hats and scarves.
In clearer moments I have found I'm waiting. The past two years have been filled with serious and life threatening illness for my sweetie and me. I survived and was able to bring him home with hospice.
During those many hours with him at the hospital I sat and waited. I stayed in his room and waited for Dr. rounds, waited for test results, waited for him to get pain relief, waited for him to sleep, waited for his therapy, waited for him to get better and come home, waited for him to die. I sat with my smartphone and did research on his illness and meds and played games. Filled hours and hours playing games.
Now I find myself sitting evenings smartphone in hand, playing games. Hours and hours of games. Tonight I had an epiphany. I am waiting. I sit here until 2:00 -3:00 am, waiting. Waiting for him to come in to the tv room and say, "You better come to bed, dear." just like he always did.
The fog is easier.
I agree, the fog is more merciful. since my husband died instantly with no health warning, my shock was enormous and protected me more in the beginning. In the minutes when it lifted my pain was overwhelming.
As time goes on and the fog lifts more often, I find my difficulty increasing too.
I am sorry I am not too supportive but your words helped me a little and I greatly appreciate it. It is a bad night.