Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Party/wake/funeral time

fuchsiasky
fuchsiasky
On Thursday we are having a celebration for Rob. He planned it in theon the before he died. He wanted a gamer party. A hall full of tvs and game systems, everyone eating and drinking and sharing memories of him. So that's what we're doing.

But oh gods this is hard. Not just the event itself but the planning. I can handle a food order. That was easy. But going through his tshirts so we can hang some up (he had quite the collection ). Making a playlist of his favorite songs. Printing photos. I've been immersed in him for days.

It still doesn't seem real. He should be in the living room playing video games right now.

Sigh
Norske1
Norske1
You are so young to be a widow. I want to just give you a hug and tell you it will be better, but it is a journey of healing. You might find strength in having the party and knowing you are doing what your husband wanted.
sienna9
sienna9
I am doing a similar memorial for Vic on Saturday, I asked some people that bought paintings to bring them and I will have them on display, it is going to just be a very informal open house potluck. I also will set one of his bass guitars out. My place is not that big but I expect anywhere from 25 to 50 people, not sure who is going to show up.Vic knew people from all walks of life.
It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since he passed but I agree, there are times when it still doesn't seem real.
tim57
tim57
Linda had always told me if she went before I did to go have a drink and throw a party for her. Because she was finally home and with the Lord and her mother and other family members.
You know this may sound morbid. But I'm not sure who got the better deal here. In paradise for eternity verses staying here and going thru the things of this world.
In all seriousness I am glad she was spared this hell. I would gladly go thru this for her as long as she didn't have to live it.
Peace, Tim
fuchsiasky
fuchsiasky
I once told Rob that he had it easier. We had to live here without him.
meg40185
meg40185
Brian always wanted a party too, but I can't bring myself to do it. Some friends of his did a little benefit thing for him over the weekend, and I think that was enough. I can't handle anything more. I feel your pain! This is such a long hard road. The early days are awful. I'm a month and a half in and I feel like things are never going to get better. But they will. For both of us. Have that party if you can handle it. And cry. Do whatever you need to do to grieve and don't let anyone make you feel badly. Hugs for you my dear.
letmehelpyou
letmehelpyou
Funerals and memorials are for the living, not the dead. It is lovely that you are doing something to honor your husband. You should be very proud of yourself for being able to do it, but if it is too much or you need to scale down, or hold at a later time, that is okay. I printed pictures, wrote an obituary, etc.. It was very hard at the time but I appreciate the memories I have from it now.

Hugs,
Val
at17
at17
No question, it is very hard to take care of all of the details while you are at your worst, emotionally. However, as time goes on, you will be very proud of the efforts you made to do your utmost to honor your late husbands wishes. All those people who have offered to help? My advice is to put them to work, now.