Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband died of lung cancer in December at home with Hospice care which was wonderful and I would recommend Hospice to everyone with a terminal illness. However, I am grieved by one aspect of his final days. His mouth was so dry that the liquid morphine that was given to him hourly with an eye dropper began not to be absorbed. Two days before he died I asked the nurse to please get an IV for his morphine delivery. They only got a subcutaneous needle into his arm about 30 minutes before he died, even though I had asked them to attend to this. He was unable to speak or move, so I do not know if he was in a coma or could feel pain. I am grieving about this so much, I cry a lot because I feel that he didn't have pain medication in his final 2 days. The medical team did not give me a satisfactory answer and there seemed to be some disagreement among the group as to why this happened. No one wanted to say anything.
Please, is there anyone out there who might know if this has happened to their loved one? Is there a medical professional reading this that can answer my question of (1) why the med wasn't changed from oral to intraveneously (2) was he in a coma and unaware? (3) did he suffer from not having any morphine the last 2 days? I am so grieving about this. Thank you for whatever discussion anyone will have with me about this.
Please, is there anyone out there who might know if this has happened to their loved one? Is there a medical professional reading this that can answer my question of (1) why the med wasn't changed from oral to intraveneously (2) was he in a coma and unaware? (3) did he suffer from not having any morphine the last 2 days? I am so grieving about this. Thank you for whatever discussion anyone will have with me about this.
Doye
We torture ourselves so much about what we should have done and did we do enough,l,m sure your husband wasn,t in any pain.l have been told that once the dying process starts,the terminally ill person is semi conscious anyway.From looking after my husband at home,a week before he died he slept most of the time,even though l still gave him his medication when he was awake,the thought of him being in any pain played on my mind.
l think what happens to us is that we feel helpless when looking after someone with a terminal illness,so we think when they have gone did we do our best,did he get the best treatment,and the answer is we did all we could at the time.
Your husband is now pain free,take comfort in this,and find some peace for yourself.
Alice
My husband was at the inpatient hospice facility to adjust his medication when they realized he was in an end-of-life stage. So we stayed there. He couldn't speak or move, either, but I could feel the tension in his arms, as if he were clenching all of his muscles. They did start subcutaneous morphine around 2 AM on the day that he died (15 hours later) and I could feel the tension in his muscles relax. That was the only way I was able to tell that he must be getting adequate pain relief.
Perhaps you can think back and remember whether it felt that your husband had tension in his body while you were sitting with him. It's very possible that he had sufficient pain release that he wasn't really suffering at that point. And it sounds as if they added more in the last 30 minutes and he was able to have a peaceful end.
Hugs to you. I'm glad that you have found this site and hope that it will help support you and bring you some comfort.
Gail
We had hospice also, and they were absolutely wonderful. My husband came home with a pain pump inserted with a subcutaneous needle. The site was changed every 3 days like an IV would be. If not for that pain pump, my DH would have been in agony.
He was in a coma-like state his last 2 days. Even though they can hear everything and comprehend same, I believe they are on another level of transition where they are unable to feel pain. Just my opinion, though.
I hope someone comes through with your answers. God bless - Debbie