Sorry Melatonin is all I've tried and talk radio. Coast To Coast with George Noory.

indica

and rum

It's very hard to loose the one you love its like looking part of yourself..your loss was sudden which makes it even harder to grasp...My mom died unexpectedly and it took me quite some time to come to terms with...My husband had cancer and we thought he was going to make it..Then he got pneumonia and infections in the hospital and died....You have so much to take care of and from my experience take your time if it's not a pressing matter..I feel for you knowing how heartbreaking this is...Take care of yourself and take one moment at a time...Cry please don't bottle up your pain

I don't think I am the proper person to advise anyone here, really, but I love sharing! My husband died in 2008, I found him dead on the bathroom floor when I thought he was playing games on the computer! Going to sleep and STAYING ASLEEP when you are used to having a bed partner is/was a great puzzle. I have found that exercise, fresh air, etc. is the best solution (for most problems). Even if you have to join a gym, its worth it to be able to sleep all night! 3:00 a.m. still seems to be a witching hour for me. I happen to have a rather large TV in my room and switching to Netflix, Hulu, etc. CAN BE a great inducement to sleep. And I love turning on my iPad and switching to news of the day (in early morning). Good luck, and keep on sharing!

KK

There are several things you can try:

Chamomile tea - a cup about an hour before bedtime. It's an herbal tea, doesn't interact with medications, won't leave you groggy the next day either. It will relax you and help you sleep.

Benedryl - diphenhydramine - it's the sleep ingredient in things like Nytol, Sominex, and Tylenol PM. I used to buy the generic version at the supermarket, and for me, the kids version was enough to help me sleep (the kids' version is half the strength of the adult version). I still use that from time-to-time if I am having sleep problems.

B-complex - the so-called "stress vitamins" - take one during the day, not at night. Stress wipes out various nutrients that your brain depends on for decent sleep and recuperation. I found a marked improvement in my sleep when I added additional calcium and B's to my usual routine. I hate taking pills, so I bought adult gummy vitamins at Target and would have them after a meal.

Warm milk works for some folks. If you couple that with a turkey sandwich it helps. Turkey has tryptophan in it which helps make you sleepy (think Thanksgiving lunch).

Exercise during the day, never less than 3 hours before bedtime. The body is still revved up, and it makes relaxing and sleep difficult, even if you're exhausted.

Avoid anything with a screen for an hour before bedtime. KK may be able to sleep with the tv on, but the light thrown off most screens disrupts the natural sleep cycles. Better to try a book or soft music - whatever calms you down.

Try a "body pillow" - it's a long bolster type pillow you put lengthwise in the bed. My sister got me one and it helped. I was used to rolling into Cliff for 30 years, so not having anyone to bump into in the night would sometimes wake me up. You bump into the body pillow, and the bed doesn't feel so empty.

If you start to run all your problems through your mind and it keeps you awake, just ask yourself if reasonably you can do anything about it at 2:00 a.m. The answer is always 'no,' but can you better handle it tomorrow with some sleep? Yes. That self-talk often helped me stop my brain whizzing all night fretting.

My sleep was horrible for weeks and weeks. I slept as little as I did when the boys were babies - waking every couple of hours. I had to try different things and combinations of things. My doctor gave me a prescription for sleeping pills, but I was not comfortable with that idea. That being said, if you get no relief with any of the suggestions here, you may need to see a doctor and ask for medication. It would probably only need to be short-term, and only "as needed."

I hope this helps, and I am sorry for your loss that has caused this. Welcome to the group.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, Community Leader

Thank you for all the suggestions. I feel warmth and concern coming from this group. You understand. Any thoughts on starting a new life without a home base? I feel for everyone in this group. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Any thoughts on self-image issues. My self-image is at an all time low, my fuse is very short, and like so many others I cry all the time.

Take your time with decisions. I wanted to move away from the memories and all we shared. I waited six years. By then, I knew I was ready. It's been a good move.
Visit your supportive relatives and friends. That would be a start and something nice to look forward to.
Try not to drink coffee or consume any caffeine at all. Though this it's not for everyone. Prayer gave me rest. Hugs, Dolores

I find that using my imagination helps. Start a story in your mind about your perfect life. Live it in your mind as you lay in bed. Start at the beginning... drive away to your perfect spot, and begin creating that life one tiny detail at a time. I find that I fall asleep fairly quickly. The next night, I start again, and when I get to where I was the night before, I add in details until I fall asleep. Over a few years, I built a whole house in my mind. I changed it now and then, added a room, changed the fireplace, etc., At this point, all I have to do is decided to go to "my place", and I close my eyes, drive up the lane and go into the house... I usually look out the window at the lake, and begin doing some small task, and the next thing I know... it's morning.

I like to read myself to sleep. Read till about 2 or 3 in the morning. I use different pillows as well. I am going to order some more B vitamins. And some good hair vitamins. Stress plays havoc with my hair. My self image is definitely suffering, and being sick hasn't helped.

regwin: I did move away from the memories but only a short distance. It has helped some. I am planning a visit back home this summer, Lord willing. Then a possible permanent move back - not sure. I will have an estate sale and begin fresh. AngieP: I guess I could build a house in my mind, or at least decorate one. How fun is that!?!

I try to pray, but I don't feel like they are reaching past the ceiling of the room.

Thanks again for all the support. The empty bed seems like a problem for most people. I feel that too. Sometimes I think he is there next to me. Wishful thinking. I am reading "The year of magical thinking " by Joan Didion. She lost her husband very suddenly and she has some good insights .

I wish I could offer some advice but I have the same issues myself. Of course the doctor prescribed medications to help with sleep but even with those I only get 4-5 hours it seems. I wake up in a panic every morning since he died. 7 weeks it has been. Will it ever stop? I wish I could reimagine a life where I was happy before I go to sleep but I guess I’m just not there....all I want is for him to come back or for me to go wherever he is. Oh I miss you my baby.

Dear Lost,
I really feel for you. 7 weeks is a short time. You love him very much and can't imagine life without him. I feel the same way.