Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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others have moved on

maryelnew
maryelnew
this week is 4 months, last night if you go by day of the week, tomorrow by date. I feel like everyone else in my life has moved on and i'm still here in my sorrow. I don't expect them to be where I am but it is tough when others stop acknowledging. I find others don't really mention his name as often, it's the first anniversary weekend I have not heard from his brother. I know all normal, everyone needs to move forward - I get it. I guess it makes me realize I need to consciously try a little harder to move forward as well. last night, I did something really stupid and i don't want to repeat that again. Let's just say i spent more money than I could afford. I'm ok with it since I can't undo it and I didn't do any permanent damage but I also know I did it for avoidance of another painful night and that I need to face my pain head one to continue growing. I woke up this morning feeling like I can move onward with a different attitude, like i've entered a new phase - more forward thinking more about ME, who used to an US, than it is about being one half of an US. I have to say it feels "ok", not great, not even totally good but "ok" - like it is something I can do. I think last week so tough for me, because I was working all this over in my mind. Sorry such a long post, guess I need to put it out there.
hgsdms
hgsdms
Yes they ALL move on. It is to be expected but at the same time very sad. We truly are on our own and must do what we have to do.....alone.
rebl3157
rebl3157
At 4 months its a real hard time. Others get on with their lives and act like we should too. They just don't understand. Until they walk in our shoes they won't. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep pushing your way through.
Hugs and prayers,
Rachel
lmj90
lmj90
The reality of everyone else going on with life as we sit and try to figure out what life is makes me very sad. I don't want this life, I don't like the me and not US thing. Who signed me up?? I have learned in a very short time that after the funeral fog no one really sees any reason for me to be sad. I have realized that I can no longer talk with anyone on a personal level about my grief. There isn't enough words to explain, even though we shouldn't have to. Since I have been on the site I have seen the phrase "my address book has changed" and that is so true. While people "feel bad" for us they have a totally different opinion and thought process than someone who is greiving. You are not alone in the never ending journey
dschwartz
dschwartz
Learning to fly solo is no easy feat for sure! However, that's exactly what we must face in our new reality. This is but a blip in time . . it hurts like hell right now . . but it will slowly get better. Promise. We all that have been forced to walk this journey have experienced the non-understanding from friends and family that we had hoped to find solace in. It's sad, but it seems that they truly can't grasp our emotional turmoil . . unless they've been there. Eventually, we will move on also, but this takes time. Allow room for your grief and keep it in baby steps without pushing too hard to move on. You will in your own space and time. Hugs, D
ptorres
ptorres
Sadly even with plenty of support we are on our own with this torment. When friends and family leave at the end of the day I am left alone with my thoughts and thank God my dogs and cat. Just when I think I may be getting stronger I get knocked back into reality and the pain flows over me just as intense as the day she died. These bouts aren't as frequent or as long but still debilitating. When people ask how I am doing I say ok and I have no good days just some days better than others.
tiger1962
tiger1962
People who truly care cannot move on. I know a guy who missed her sister's funeral regreted it all his life. For the people who don't truly care? It really doesn't matter. If we really care someone we lost, we cannot move on, we have to move through the pain. Only when you move through it, you can move forward. Because you become stronger only when you move through it.....strong enough you can move alone like a Phoenix or an eagle. Hugs, Tiger
JesusisOurSaviour
JesusisOurSaviour
Maryelnew,
Even after a year and three weeks of Ben's passing, I have moment's of feeling I'm still in the same place...I read some posts, here, of people in the same time frame and wonder......"am I stuck?"......
You know these steps forward, really are teeny weeny steps...when I read my journal, I realize, those baby steps really add up.
In my estimation you're doing well...keep on keeping on!!
You're in my thoughts and prayer......hugs....Sandra
heathermitchelllistw
heathermitchelllistw
Don't close the door to his life. Others will move on and forget.
I can't believe my husband's sister and brothers don't really care... no one calls or texts...I know they have their own grief, but I just don't get how people are...they still have their "lives"...One day at a time...alone.
Heather
bookdragon
bookdragon
I think those people are thinking of you now, how you are dealing with your journey. I have lost a sibling and a parent, but this is so much harder, i have lost half of me. They will always think of your partner but it is not the same journey as yours. Big hug-Patti
loveddogs
loveddogs
It is so true that people move on with their lives! Wouldn't it be nice if we could? Yes they miss our spouses, but not like we do. I never could have imagined the pain involved in this befudled journey. And there is no way others can truly relate unless they have walked or crawled and scraped and fought just to get out of bed as we do through this grief. Get over it, no way, I will never "get over" losing my soulmate, nor would I want too. He was my everything and my purpose. So now we are faced with rebuilding our foundation, from the ground up. brick by brick. It may be a lifelong feat, but our only choice is to work on it, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. And hope to someday find peace and joy again. Hugs, Michele
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mary,
Be kind to you. Every day is a new day!

Roz
joannklingaman
joannklingaman
I can so relate to all the comments made....

Someone posted this one day & to me it couldn't be any truer ....

"it's odd what our life becomes once Death enters."
Nicker07
Nicker07
I do not think at 4 months time grief is ready to let you adjust to what is called the new norm. For a few maybe they can but as others go back to their norm which is normally what they do their lives so they go on. What many do not realize you do not have the normally what you would do, and people just do not start a new norm that easy.
It takes however time is needed to redefine a life different now - and in that time you do because what choices do we have. Its not easy but little baby steps at first. And find those people who truly care what you are feeling and accept. Good luck
MJ46
MJ46
I read something about the difference between moving on(or forward) and letting go. The idea is that moving on is something we do to survive and deal with our grief. The mechanical day to day living , the reordering of our lives to deal with being alone, the psychological adaptations we make to keep from going crazy, those are involved in moving on. They are functional. Letting go is what takes a lot longer, it's more spiritual and less defined. I'm still a little confused about letting go but part of it in my mind is not letting grief define who you are. For me it means putting past love in a corner of my heart where I can find it when I want to but not letting it block my future. Thinking about it this way, we all need to move on, letting go is optional.