Russ,
I hope you can smile more when thinking of your wife and remember the good times you shared as the days go on. I am at 4 months and thinking of a year is beyond my sights. You are a strong person and you will find your way for a future of new memories and old.
Stay strong and keep fighting
Peace and love to you
Laurie

Sending you warm thoughts of peace and comfort today, Russ. The reality of all that has happened can be so very overwhelming. I am only at 5 months, and I am petrified of all that lies ahead until I reach the one year anniversary of Steve's passing. But so many of you have proven that with faith, strength, determination and support, we can do it!
I like your plan for this next year; to start moving forward. Good for you!
May God continue to guide you.

Your steps to the future will be one of small steps just like the first year you passed. Deciding what you want and why is a journey. Some people even go through identifying who they are. You are on the way to finding peace in your circumstances no matter where you go. The loss is permanent, but life can build upon the lessons we survive. Wishing you blessings with each step you take. Sharon

Russ,

Blessings to you

In a few days it will be one year ago that I lost my wife to a sudden illness. I didn't think I could make it this far either. At that point in time a year in the future was too painful to think about.

I remember someone telling me that you don't ever really get over the loss of your spouse but that you learn to live with it. I could not begin to understand that at the time.

Now as I transition to acceptance I begin to understand that it is a journey of one step at a time. Believe in yourself that what she would have wanted.

Russ: I too am approaching the "one year" mark My husband passed away on March 16th, 2013 and my world is forever changed.
I've certainly struggled daily.. some days ok, other days not, but I'm surviving and moving along the best I can.
I've managed a lot this past year all by myself. Together we started to re-model the home my parents lived in and we inherited, but my husband Mark passed away before everything was finished. 4 months after he passed, I picked myself up, and continued on by myself with the re-model. I had a new garage built, and after that I had the complete inside of the house re-done... brand new everything, all done to my specifications. Its absolutely beautiful, but there is of course one thing missing.. my dh. This coming Sunday will be an extremely difficult day for me, but I will go to church and light a candle in his memory, and thank god for giving Mark to me for the 16 years we were together.. No one can ever erase the wonderful memories we hold and cherish in our hearts.

I am coming up on a year too. Praying for peace for you and acceptance. The lives we had were a blessing. I wouldn't trade it. Even the hard times. We are moving into a new phase in our lives. We were blessed then and we are blessed now. We are better people for having the lives we had. I have decided to use that to help other marriages that are struggling. (Share my secrets)
Blessings on you as approach another milestone.

Hugs Russ, I am up for a minute, but wanted you to know that I hear you. It's not easy at our older wiser time (ha) of life to have to start a new again. But we are here and thank you for all of your support too.

Jewells

Amazing to be where you did not think you would make it isn't it? I like you said its all you have. It is all we have and we do all we can with it. The best we can for the moment some moments are terrible some are so darn good. When the good come we just grab them, small as they may be. Glad you are planning year 2

My thoughts are with you. I just passed one year a month ago.Good luck with the moving on plans. It's tough to do things you have to do while at the same time wishing you didn't have to do them. My moving on plans are proceeding slowly and cautiously because I am always looking at things with the idea that there is not enough time for do overs at my age.

Russ, there was an element of peace and acceptance in your words that were very beautiful. I know that those moments can come and go but it is good to see that you have reached that point, at least for awhile.

I am at 16 months and am beginning to spend more time looking forward than backward. It is not easy for sure. The one year mark is difficult because so often I think our bodies relive the stress of the prior year. I recognized that I was experiencing that stress beginning at about 9 months and was just beginning to get a handle on it when my in-laws knocked me for a loop with some financial issues so I was a mess at a year. I found this site, spent the winter recovering and am now in counseling for the first time so I have high hopes that this summer may actually contain a few moments of joy. We will have to see what the future has in store for us!.

At the one year mark, I felt like I was turning a corner and felt better for a bit and then it became apparent that the first year is about making it through each day so that you can continue to heal and grieve in the second year... Hugs going out your way so that you can continue to gain strength while living through this.

Thinking of you, Russ, as you go through this significant milestone.

I just passed the one-year mark too, on March 7. I was so miserable that day and posted what I was going through here -- how I kept reliving and reviewing the moments leading up to my husband's death. Everyone here was so kind and helpful and that, more than anything, got me through the day. I am not sure what I would do without this site. It has become my haven and refuge.

Now, for manyt of us,Year Two begins. And that seems to have its own challenges. For me, the imminent arrival of spring -- something I'd always looked forward to -- this year just seems to signify that I will go through the season, once again, lonely and alone, without my husband, the light of my life. In some ways it's harder than last year: last year I was numb; this year, the reality is all too clearn.

But I am thankful for the memories and the knowledge that I loved and was loved. It is what I hold on to and hope you do too.

Best to you, Russ, and all of you at that one-year mark.

DorothyJoan

First let me say thank you for all of your responses.
I have read a number of times how hard year two can be and as DorothyJoan said I think its the reality of it all setting in. Year one was survival now its what do I do with the rest of my life. Some have said its harder than the first year but I cant imagine anything being harder than that. But it is still very hard and very different as the hard
Work of moving forward continues.
Russ

Russ everyone is different, we are all different...seems when i look back (i am now in year 3) that year one, to my was the most horrific time of my life and year two was VERY REAL, would that make it MORE painful??? who can compare...so different....SO REAL in the second year i really really really understood I was in this