Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

One Year - Part 2

Mgould
Mgould
I've heard people say and write that reaching the anniversary of their loved ones death was a hard day - but for me (tomorrow is the day) - I was going to make it like any other day. But as I left work tonight, I couldn't help but think about one year ago and wonder how I might feel tomorrow. It was suddenly freezing and my car was one of the last in the parking lot. I walked the long distance from the door, put my key in the lock and realized I could not open the door. For the last 30 yrs I would have called my husband like I had done so many times before and he would have left work and fixed the problem - what ever it was. Now I couldn't call him. I called my older son - he didn't answer and I knew he was at work. My mother gave up driving 2 years ago - couldn't call her. My younger son had a seizure a few weeks ago - had to give up driving. Just a few short years ago I would have had 4 people to call for help and now I had no one. I tried the car over and over, cried, and froze with no hat or gloves and a coat not nearly warm enough and thought what a great way to spend the eve of the infamous December 1st. Finally I called an emergency service, but after more than 1 hour and before they arrived the janitor where I work realized my dilemma and produced a torch and was able to open the car. Standing in the cold was just another slap in the face of how things had changed.

Then I came home - came on here - and saw all the nice messages. My day was no longer a bad day afterall and I knew that tomorrow would be okay too - thanks for the comments and kind words.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel your pain. I have to call my brother in law or my son to help me. It wouldnt have mattered where my husband was, if I needed his help, he would drop whatever he was doing and come to my rescue. Ive cried quite a few tears over needing other people now...when Larry did everything for me and there was nothing he could not fix. I thought I would get through my first year anniversary fairly easily...boy was I in for a rude awakening...hit me like a ton of bricks...The grief I felt was just like how I felt when he died...It took me a couple months to recover and get my feet back under me again. This site is such a wonderful place. I am so glad I found it. So sorry for your rough day, but so glad it got better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What a tough day you've had. I am so sorry !!
It makes such a difference not having our husbands to call and come to rescue us... Bob would always be there for me, no matter what I needed.
It is very discomfiting to realize we don't have such a person in our lives anymore. But, thank God you did have someone come to help you. The janitor came to your rescue.
I pray tomorrow will be like any other day, as you are hoping it will be. I will say a prayer for you , Mgould. May God bring you His strength and comfort.

Hugs, Linda
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too feel your pain. Though my journey is just a few months I have no immediate person to call for help. My husband was always a phone call away. I'm glad you are now safe and warm.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know what you mean - we were always there for each other. I wish you peace and comfort today. Take care, Sandra
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
So sorry you're day was rough. There are so many things we have to do on our own now. I was just thinking this morning, walking through the parking lot in the rain to the back door of the office. How my husband would have driven me right to the back door so I wouldn't get wet. He was a pure gentleman.
deleted_user
deleted_user
So sorry I haven't been on line to realize what you were going through.........that was an awful day .....................know many of us are going through the one year mark this month.............mine comes later in the month.............and I feel the same way about not having anyone to call.............glad you were able to get some help and that so many responded to your feelings.....................this sucks............
Lori
deleted_user
deleted_user
So happy that the janitor helped you. It is a lonely road when you travel it alone. We on this site know all too well. (hugs) Barb
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so glad that when the door was closed, a window opened.
I had a similar weekend ( 7th month anniversary). Went to get brakes on the car. Needed brakes and rotors.
Bathroom sink was draining slowly. After plunging through the weekend, I added a drain unclogger. Then it wouldn't go down at all. It took two service calls to get the sink finally unclogged. Then I had to clean up the mess. Four hundred dollars later, my weekend was over. My husband would have taken care of all of it. I got so overwhelmed that on Sunday night all I could do was cry. Why me? What happenend to my life, my security, my caretaker? But I made it through. And Monday morning dawned.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm proud of you mgould! You didn't give up and you problem solved! It's amazing how many things I've had to figure out in the past year on my own, and everytime I succeed, I thank MIke for helping me to figure it out. He always said that things always work out in the end, and they do. Peace to your heart tomorrow- I just went through the first year anniversary and it turned out to be a day of honor for my husband rather than about me feeling blue all day.Hang in there!
deleted_user
deleted_user
marylin
Sorry that your back up were not there for you what a comparrson from a year ago That's one of the hardest lessons we are hit with, not having someone to have your back in tough times and even in good times. Just remember God's promise I'll be with you always. Dave
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am new to this site, so far I'm very intrigued with what I have read. Dec. 23rd will be the one year anniv. I lost my husband, he was only 46. I also lost my dad Jan. 31st of 09' so my mom and I became widows in 2009, she is turning 65 next ,week. I have a 15 and 16yr old teenagers, boy and and girl. I have been struggling with a lot of similar things. Having to pay people to do things Clayton would have done. Our vehicle didn't start this morning, the kids and I jumped it and still didn't start. Water came gushing out from under the washing machine today because the guy I paid to do some work had to pull it out yesterday and failed to check the hose when he was in a hurry to leave. So my new laminate floors are already impaired. I thank God and my church family for all their prayers, love and support.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there, sweetie. And if the one-year anniversary is tough, that's okay. We grieve much because we love much.

Hugs to you tonight, Tami
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
My first year will be up on Dec.18. I remember the first couple of weeks I was terrified of something going wrong without Joe here to fix it. He always had my back, to fix things, to have money in his pocket, etc. Near the end of the first month I drove an hour and a half to check on some property we owned as was our custom every so often. As I drove down the lonely back road highway where seldom a vehicle would be seen, I thought about what if I had a flat tire. Well, I made it without a flat tire. But the next day at the dentist's office, I came out and saw I had a flat tire. Middle of the day, plenty of people around, and AAA. I got it fixed and was on my way in 30 minutes. I believe that was God saying, "I've got your back. Trust in me." It was a powerful message. During this year other things have happened that I had to attend to - freezer went out,some trees had to be cut down, AC went out, etc. But all things got taken care of. We are stronger than we think. And with every success, it makes us more confident that we can make it. "Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain thee." Words of truth and comfort.