Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I finally passed the one year anniversary of Marcs death, 2/20/15.
I havent been on this site much lately, but hope to encourage new widows and widowers. I was in such a fog a year ago, but it seems to have lifted. I also want to let old friends on this site know how Im doing. You all were such a lifeline back then, as I LIVED on this site, and you all helped pull me through the darkest days. I hung onto your every word.
I flew to Dallas from my home in CA with five bottles of Marcs beloved, hand-picked wines. In a year, I still havent made much of a dent into his collection. On the first anniversary of his death, I invited 3 couples that we went out to dinner with for years, to meet at the gravesite. We drank wine, toasted Marc, shared a bit, and each poured a little wine near his grave stone. I actually snapped at someone who was asking about anothers recent vacation...I said Can this be about MARC? Rude, yeah...but her tittering innocent question just set this widow off! It was HIS remembrance celebration, not just an opportunity for their asses to catch up.
In the hours before the grave mini-ceremony, I also had a group breakfast, lunch with an old mentor, walked my former dog, and had wine with friends at their house...I felt it was such a momentous day, I wanted every minute filled.
After the gravesite mini-ceremony, we went to a really nice restaurant for a typical dinner group. We ended by all ordering Marcs signature end of the meal treat: espresso and white sambuca with three coffee beans.
Since I was there for 5-6 days, lined up breakfasts, lunches, dinners, coffees, and drinks with dear friends who love me and knew Marc- I counted about 45 different people.
It felt good to drive around our old neighborhood where we lived for 15 years.
It surprised me that I did not feel sad. I was busy with my schedule, but left time to think of him! I did not really feel Marcs presence at the gravesite (which I visited many times), or while driving around. Does that mean he has moved on, and busy and happy in heaven?
Now that the year is over, I feel a bit restless and empty. The neighbors that were there for me when he first died are now just keeping with their own lives and friends. They are all couples, and there doesnt seem to be room for widows. Do they think Im a jinx or something? Dull and boring without Marc?
I do have the widows meet up group, and friends I made from that group to socialize with, but I seem to be wanting more these days...I want to socialize with couples and maybe some men once in a while!
Im feeling much clearer and confident one year later. A year ago, I felt like a wave picked me up and slammed me around; I did not know which end was up. I never want to go through that again and doubt I ever will. Nothing could have prepared me for the unexpected loss of a beloved spouse.
Probate is still far from settled though, but Ive quit worrying about it. The emotional toil and money wasted on it is beyond ridiculous.
.
I havent been on this site much lately, but hope to encourage new widows and widowers. I was in such a fog a year ago, but it seems to have lifted. I also want to let old friends on this site know how Im doing. You all were such a lifeline back then, as I LIVED on this site, and you all helped pull me through the darkest days. I hung onto your every word.
I flew to Dallas from my home in CA with five bottles of Marcs beloved, hand-picked wines. In a year, I still havent made much of a dent into his collection. On the first anniversary of his death, I invited 3 couples that we went out to dinner with for years, to meet at the gravesite. We drank wine, toasted Marc, shared a bit, and each poured a little wine near his grave stone. I actually snapped at someone who was asking about anothers recent vacation...I said Can this be about MARC? Rude, yeah...but her tittering innocent question just set this widow off! It was HIS remembrance celebration, not just an opportunity for their asses to catch up.
In the hours before the grave mini-ceremony, I also had a group breakfast, lunch with an old mentor, walked my former dog, and had wine with friends at their house...I felt it was such a momentous day, I wanted every minute filled.
After the gravesite mini-ceremony, we went to a really nice restaurant for a typical dinner group. We ended by all ordering Marcs signature end of the meal treat: espresso and white sambuca with three coffee beans.
Since I was there for 5-6 days, lined up breakfasts, lunches, dinners, coffees, and drinks with dear friends who love me and knew Marc- I counted about 45 different people.
It felt good to drive around our old neighborhood where we lived for 15 years.
It surprised me that I did not feel sad. I was busy with my schedule, but left time to think of him! I did not really feel Marcs presence at the gravesite (which I visited many times), or while driving around. Does that mean he has moved on, and busy and happy in heaven?
Now that the year is over, I feel a bit restless and empty. The neighbors that were there for me when he first died are now just keeping with their own lives and friends. They are all couples, and there doesnt seem to be room for widows. Do they think Im a jinx or something? Dull and boring without Marc?
I do have the widows meet up group, and friends I made from that group to socialize with, but I seem to be wanting more these days...I want to socialize with couples and maybe some men once in a while!
Im feeling much clearer and confident one year later. A year ago, I felt like a wave picked me up and slammed me around; I did not know which end was up. I never want to go through that again and doubt I ever will. Nothing could have prepared me for the unexpected loss of a beloved spouse.
Probate is still far from settled though, but Ive quit worrying about it. The emotional toil and money wasted on it is beyond ridiculous.
.
It is a bummer the probate is still churning on. I hope that gets resolved satisfactorily soon.
You sound a lot stronger and clearer than when you first joined here, and I am glad to read such a positive post from you.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
In the part where you describe the cemetery visit, you ask if Marc has "moved on" and is busy in Heaven?
Marylou passed last June 12th and was cremated...the urn is in our house displayed in a special setting...I'm not claiming to "know" anything about the afterlife, and I certainly do not know if there is a different Spiritual dynamic from someone who was cremated to someone who was buried...myself, I tend to not subscribe to the idea that the departed need to "move-on" to Heaven, that being somewhere far away and unreachable, where they are distanced from their loved ones here on earth.
There is abundant material out there from seers and speakers that suggest something quite different, and to me at least, much more hopeful...that Heaven is, in the Spiritual realm, geographically right in our midst...which gives our departed loved ones the ability to stay with the people they most want to stay with...in the last 9 months I continually feel the presence of Marylou, which seems to bear that out.
I am certainly not judging you or anyone else who may happen to believe something different from me...but I for one want to learn as much as I can about Heaven being "In Our Midst."