Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I've gotten to where I HATE the weekends! Around Thursday I start to get this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and it doesn't go away until Monday morning.
Emotionally, I'm just in a state of "blah", I'm just in a dark place. Hopefully, it is only temporary. I don't look forward to anything, I don't seem to enjoy anything, and I just keep having this feeling of discontentment and restlessness. I absolutely hate the way I'm feeling. For lack of a better word, it just sucks.
I wish I could go "back there." It is just such a painful realization that the family holidays, family traditions, etc. have come to an end. Why didn't I realize that these were moments to be treasured and appreciated? Why did I take for granted that my wonderful mother-in-law was always there for me, never thinking there would come a day when she wouldn't be? (She passed March 2015.) Why did I always assume that Michael and I would have several decades to be together, not just two?
Now, it just seems that my existence is such a lonely one. My son will be driving in a few months, my youngest daughter will soon be graduating preschool, and my middle daughter will soon be entering high school. Ten years ago, if you would have told me that neither my husband nor my mother-in-law would be here for any of these milestones, I would have said you were lying, that there is no way that the Lord would let that happen.
I will also tell you that there is nothing more heartbreaking than holding my four year old as she cries for her daddy and nonnie. That just tears my insides to shreds. I just feel so helpless because all I can do is hold her and tell her that they are with Jesus now.
I'm just feeling very down in the dumps today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
I hope that all of you are in a bit better place than you were yesterday. I just have to tell myself to keep moving forward.
Emotionally, I'm just in a state of "blah", I'm just in a dark place. Hopefully, it is only temporary. I don't look forward to anything, I don't seem to enjoy anything, and I just keep having this feeling of discontentment and restlessness. I absolutely hate the way I'm feeling. For lack of a better word, it just sucks.
I wish I could go "back there." It is just such a painful realization that the family holidays, family traditions, etc. have come to an end. Why didn't I realize that these were moments to be treasured and appreciated? Why did I take for granted that my wonderful mother-in-law was always there for me, never thinking there would come a day when she wouldn't be? (She passed March 2015.) Why did I always assume that Michael and I would have several decades to be together, not just two?
Now, it just seems that my existence is such a lonely one. My son will be driving in a few months, my youngest daughter will soon be graduating preschool, and my middle daughter will soon be entering high school. Ten years ago, if you would have told me that neither my husband nor my mother-in-law would be here for any of these milestones, I would have said you were lying, that there is no way that the Lord would let that happen.
I will also tell you that there is nothing more heartbreaking than holding my four year old as she cries for her daddy and nonnie. That just tears my insides to shreds. I just feel so helpless because all I can do is hold her and tell her that they are with Jesus now.
I'm just feeling very down in the dumps today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
I hope that all of you are in a bit better place than you were yesterday. I just have to tell myself to keep moving forward.
The physical separation is no less painful...I spent alot of time in the early months desparately trying to come up with a way to make the clock go backwards, or travel back in time...anything to bring her back to me...
.. http://www.dailystrength.org/people/5112061/journal/14107841
But as the months have passed, I came to realize that's the LAST thing I want to do, if I truly love her.
Marylou was plagued with some far-reaching health problems that started at an early age... even though she was healthy and beautiful in her prime, the health issues settled-in pretty quick after that...in the last 20 years of her life, gastro-intestinal issues slowly reduced the list of foods she could safely eat that some days she could not keep down a glass of water...and degenitive bone disease was (not-so) slowly dissolving her skeleton...the last 20 years of her life was a living hell of physical pain that I wouldn't wish on anybody, but to watch that happening to someone you love more than your own life...
Do I want to go back to the early days when we were together in the good times? Absolutely...But, how anxious am I to bring her back to the pain she had every minute of every day in later years?
I had to resolve myself that it is better for me to be satisfied with the Spirit Visits I have received since she transitioned, and learning to know her as Spirit...which eventually all of us will do anyway...than to desire her to return to all that pain.
It has gotten easier with time, to be thankful that she is free of all that pain...Because I know that the next time I see her, when I rejoin her on the other side...we will both be beyond the suffering of the physical world.
But you're right, tomorrow will be a better day. Each day is going to be difficult for a while, but we can do this. We can make it through. We are strong. Of course I may not feel like this tomorrow, or even later today, but it's worth a shot. :) Hang in there sweetie. We have to have good days ahead. I'm hoping and praying for that.
Very sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law and husband. My prayers are with you.
Someone was telling me that tomorrow might be a better day and shit like that. I reminded them that I will live with this tomorrow and every day after that.
Life seems super long sometimes.
Ruth
and that is a polite name.
For most of us, weekends were always special windows of
time that we spent with our loved ones. Recently and for a
reason or reasons still unknown to me. I calculated the
number of weekends my wife and I spent together. I came
up with the approximate number of 1,560 weekends. That
seemed impossible to me and I went through the same
calculations and came up with the same answer. That truly
seems impossible. Where did they go ?
Now ( and against my better judgment ), I tend to the
calculate or count the number of weekends I have been
alone since I lost her at the end of August, 2015.
In my tired brain, I look at the 1,560 or so weekends together
and see bright lights and smiles and hear laughter and it is
though a switch has been flipped as the past 35 weekends
produce an image that is as black as midnight and without
the slightest sound.
So, add me to that list of those that hate weekends. I dread
them with each passing hour through the weekdays. It
doesn't do any good to recommend that I find something to
do. Been there, done that. It is just two days of pain and it
takes five days to recover from it and it hits again. She passed
late on a Friday afternoon and that fact adds to my dread of
the weekends.
Blessings to all -
Darrell