Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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mrsbruneau2 12/15/2015

I've been so inundated with work on my husband's estate, trying to get taxes filed before the government hits us with penalties on anything owning, establishing a new life of my own, working through my grief, mourning the loss of my marriage and any potential chance of having children, and working in retail in December. Now one of my family decides that this is the time to take her ex to court for sexual assault and wanting me as a witness.

Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces, the scumbag should go to trial and I want to support her, but like the title says, how much more can I take before I break? I've learned I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, but I need the madness that is my life to stop. I can't keep going like this. I'm going to lose it.

AfterMom 12/15/2015

I would bow out of it. as brokenheartedly as possible, just tell her that you are way too overloaded and can not handle it.
but that's just 'me'.
I am 8+ months into this and am lucky if I remember to eat. sometimes I forget to, and only keep very simple things on hand.
the slightest complexity sends me into crash mode.
IMHO, you need to concentrate on only your essential survival issues. but I do not personally know you. maybe you are emotionally ready to enter WW3.

patty6953 12/15/2015

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. My husband passed unexpectedly in Nov. 2015. Thankfully, I found a good attorney to help me do his estate. The taxes I'm just going to hand over to H&R Block to do because they are going to be a mess, with his retiring, pension and SS and crap. I know all what you're talking about - about loosing your mind! I feel like a time bomb wanting to go off at every turn I make.

Helping her out might help you forget about the rest of what's going. Another solution - ask her attorney if you can give a written account of the abuse or do a videotape. Explain the situation that your going through. I know it's hell right now for you and the holidays are here as well.

Do what is good for you and not everyone else. If they truly care about you, they'll understand and support you. As AfterMom stated taking your anger, pain, frustration, anxiety and all that out on him (without physically killing him of course) might be a good thing. A major distraction. Wishing you the best!

cgriff4ever 12/15/2015

Due to the loss of your husband, they may just want a notarized written statement, that the judge can read in court my dear. It'll all work out. Only process one thing at a time ,for the time being put it aside. Don't allow her drama to take presidence, on what you need to do, for YOU.. big hugs cara

mrsbruneau2 12/15/2015

Thank you all so much. I often feel like a toddler having a temper tantrum when things pile up on me like they did today. Its good to let it out. I never thought of a notarized statement. That's a very good idea. I'll also see how I'm feeling when it gets closer to trial time. The truth is I'd rather be here giving the moral support as I've done tonight. Maybe I'll see what my needs are at the time and decide from there. Thank you all for the food for thought.

AfterMom 12/16/2015

a notarized statement will not be sufficient.
It's called a deposition in a civil procedure. In a criminal charge, the person who is charged has rights to his lawyers cross examining your claims. small % of reasons for allowing a deposition in criminal charges.
you'd have to ask her lawyers.

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