I'm at the five month mark as well, and I'm getting stuff done but I feel exhausted and run down all the time. I'm thinking it's because I never get more then a few hours of solid sleep. I could stay on the couch all day if I didn't have to work. The sadness makes me feel like I have the flu and my body is exhausted. You are normal. Hugs

Thanks Jennifer, I have caught some kind of crud that's going around and combined with lack of sleep I think this is the problem. I too could stay on the couch all day and it's all I can do to go where I need to and do what I need too. Just sucks doesn't it? I keep telling myself it will get better, ha! Hugs and Love to you,Michele

I hope to learn from this discussion too.
I will say, my husband had NO illness so I did no special caregiving, but the grief just makes me exhausted. and I don't need to be having the intense emotional days to feel drained.
Sometimes I do start to feel like "this'll be a day I can accomplish something" but I bottom out quickly.
I have a friend whose husband died suddenly a year before mine (she doesn't live near me) So I contacted her to ask if she felt this exhaustion and she said No Problem with that! which I found discouraging for myself. On the other hand, her adult son and DIL moved onto her property too, to help with all the work. MY family has dropped me, more as time goes by. so I have No help I can count on.
However, Maybe everyone is effected differently.?

Michele, it's totally normal that you feel exhausted.
I was running back and forth to the hospital for 3 months, then the hospice center, then my husband came home. I was at his side 24/7.
It was exhausting. Grief is exhausting.
You're probably not sleeping enough.
I had such a tough time concentrating, sleeping, finishing anything I started ... I had no focus.
Give yourself time to feel normal, lots of time.

Hugs,
Janie

Grief is just so very exhausting ... both physically and emotionally. Don't set goals that are daunting. Set really small goals. Instead of saying you're going to clean up the whole house or the entire yard, focus on one small area. Add another small area tomorrow ... and the next day ... and so on. Give yourself a pat on the back for taking even a few steps toward your goal. That's the only way you'll stay sane!

Wishing you peace . . .

At almost 3 years one would think that I could answer this...but I jumped into my life very quickly and was on the go like a maniac..now that I am working less I am struggling too..it's like the less I do the less I want to....I don't like that so I'm gonna continue with my lists tho break them down...Michele I'm sure the pups take alot out of you as well ..sending hugs !!

Dearest Michele, So sorry that you are feeling so tired and exhausted, it is only a natural physical and mental meltdown from all the grief and heartache we are going through. And being a caregiver to your husband for all those months, doesn't give you much time at all to take care of your health. I was my husband, John's caregiver, for 5 years before he got sick in the hospital. it is sheer exhaustion and so much responsibility to make sure our husband's medical health management was done right. You are certainly not a nut. And just like I feel also, just the thought of having to clean the house is too much, and so I just do one thing at a time, of course, keeping the kitchen clean, but all the other stuff is too tiring now. It would help if you even just got out of the house for a nice nature walk. I had to force myself out of the apartment, just to go on the bus grocery shopping. Hang in there, we are all here for you and each other at DS to get us through this journey of grief. Hugs and sunflowers. Nanette

Michele, I am at seven plus months and I am constantly exhausted. I force myself to get out and do things, but I don't really want to do anything but lay on the couch. I clean my house in small increments. I don't really find any joy in anything I do, I just do it so my kids won't worry so much about me, and because I'm afraid if I stay too long on the couch I'll never get up. However, I do still lay down and rest a lot. My husband died suddenly, so I didn't have the caregiving. It's just the overwhelming grief. You are not a nut! You might try doing just one tiny thing each day, but if that is too much right now, just wait for the time to come when you can do it. That time WILL come. Until then, let go of the guilt. It only makes you more tired. Know that one day you'll get it done. You really will. When the time is right for you.

Linda

Michele

Im about to hit the one year mark and my energy level is still in the dirt. I totally think my energy level is connected to my mental state. I am so sad and miss him so much that those thoughts keep me in the low energy mode. Take time for your self and try to break things down in smaller pieces. That's what helps me feel more accomplished

hugs

Lisa

The emotional strain we deal with on a daily basis is exhausting leaving us exhausted. Grieving is work, hard work and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Now is the time to pamper yourself. Sharon

Exhaustion is my biggest complaint. It's been 5 and a half months since Don died. I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis. I went back to work 5 days a week, then went to 4 days a week, and tomorrow I'll ask to go to 3 days a week. I have called in sick at least 1 day a week. They are very flexible. I'm so tired and in pain that I feel I could die in my sleep. Is that strange? Probably, huh. I also was my husbands sole care giver for over 3 and a half years. I can't seem to do anything that isn't immediately necessary. Please don't feel guilty, as it sounds like this is a normal part of the grieving process. Hugs and love to you, Kim

grief, depression, insomnia, not eating properly take your pick. It is hard to take care of ourselves when we are grieving. But we do have to try! Take care of yourself Michele! Hugs Patti

My dearest Michelle, it'll be 8 months this Sunday since my sweet Sean passed away. I've just lost my spirit.. of enthusiasm. I think when you lose a loved one, it takes a lot out of us emotionally. I still have things to do, organize, but I'm just in a, it'll still be there tomorrow, aww.. who cares, lol Plus with winter, I always slow down a bit. Don't worry, when Sean passed away I couldn't even remember what he looked/sounded like. Over time, I am now able, with my brain allowing me to process/remember things. You will get them done, take your time, and don't worry about the time frame, unless of course its something urgent, or bills.. lol. Much love, carla

It's just part of the grief process. When I find myself with a burst of energy I maximize it because I know it will go as quickly as I can. If I don't have something scheduled (meaning other people are depending on or waiting on me), I usually just let the day slip away. Perfectly normal from what I've been told. I am at the 7 month mark. Sounds like a long time but feels just like yesterday.

Hi Michelle, I too was Juanita's only caregiver for about 4 months (but she really did a lot for herself. In the years leading up to that, and also during it, it was not unusual for me to do office and ministry work 12 to 14 hours a day, and I managed to get by on 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. Really stupid I know. But I could do it. But I've come to realize that during her sickness, I was running solely on adrenaline, just reacting and having way too many balls in the air. So when she died, I crashed and burned. Nearly 5 months later, and if I get a solid 6 hours of work in 4 days a week, I am absolutely beside myself so tired I couldn't think if my life depended on it. Do I want that? No - but I do what I can do. We used to have a beautiful yard - now I find myself feeling like I need to apologize to my neighbors for how awful my yard looks (and they don't even see the backyard). Do I want that? No. But I do what I can do right now. And I've given up the guilt trip. This grieving is the exhausting. When I was a kid, I learned to read by looking at my older brother's MAD Magazines. Remember Alfred E. Neuman? I kinda embrace his motto now, What me worry? I'm comfortable with, "I'll get to it when I get to it". Finding myself some peace with that philosophy. Gotta get this broken heart healed first. Will I ever return to my workaholic old self? God, I hope not. Life's way too short. Just wish I could retire is all - but I know that becoming homeless and hungry would not be much fun either. God bless you ~ Scott