I am so sorry for your loss. I too just lost my husband of 33 years, October 18 to a heart attack I also found him in our bed. I am glad you found this site. We are all here for you. I too will not be celebrating Christmas this year as well. If you don't feel like putting up a tree then you don't have to. Do ramble on, we will always listen as we all are going through the same. We do know how you feel and no one will tell you otherwise. Keep writing on this site as someone is always here. It will help you and we all together will get through this together.
Take care hugs to you. Dianna

So sorry for your loss. I also came home after working a 12 hour shift as a nurse and found my hubby of 29 years dead. I did spend Thanksgiving with my grown children and forced myself to go to my son in laws family since I knew that if I did not go, my daughter would not visit them and it isn't fair. Christmas is very hard, my hubby was so into Christmas. I just do not have the strength to put up the tree, decorate the house and put up the outside christmas lights- things just are not the same. I miss him so much and have hard time going on with life. I just do not know how I am going to go on without my hubby. This is a good site and I visit it often especially when I am down, I pray for us since no one knows what it is like to lose your husband or wife until it does happen to them.

Thank you for the encouraging words of support. I told my daughter that I will be spending Christmas eve night with her so that I can wake up and watch my granddaughter open her presents. I will also have my sons with me and hope we have a good day.

His death is causing financial hardship because I am too young to qualify for widow benefits from Social Security and have lost his $2500 monthly income.

The hardest thing I am struggling with is my job. I have a boss that is not very supportive of me. I came back from my bereavement leave to have her call me into her office with HR on the phone and said my performance is poor. They asked me if this is the fight jobfor me. When I was out she did not do any part of my job so now I am way behind in my work. This is not the time of year to be looking for a job. I have put in for intermittent leave of absence to take the time I need to greive, so that will perserve my job for the moment. This gives me time to look for a job.

I too lost the love of my life on Oct 29th of this year. There will be no Christmas tree at my house, as I have nothing to celebrate. I feel him all around me and that is enough for me. I just pray and hope that the pain will ease as time goes by.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will keep coming back to this board...........there are a lot of good people here who know what it is to lose their life partner.

Sylvia

Hi, I am Jeanne. You are not rambling! Totally get where you are coming from. I lost my husband of 30 years on September 18, 2016. Have not really figured it out myself. My kids are all grown and they are suffering too. I know I have been a burden to them lately so I am going to try and be stronger. I don't celebrate the holidays but do understand it is a very hard time for most people. I am wishing you some peace. If you ever need and ear, I am here :-) Hugs

That really stinks about your job. The one thing that has floored me in all this is how insensitive people around us can be. As if they want ever have to go thru it themselves. Unfortunately if they are married or in a long term relationship they will. And I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I think seeing us go thru it scares them and they want to stay away from us.
When I read your first sentence it was like reading my own. I left for work on the morning of August 18,2015. Returned a few hours later and found my wife the same way. No indication anything was wrong. She passed on in her sleep. For that I'm grateful, but the missing her is still hard. We only had one daughter and she has gone back to her ways. Haven't heard from her in over a week. Same behavior as before my wife passed. So this is my second round of holidays. Christmas will be just another day for now. I still honor the birth of Jesus, but He understands my heart and what's in it. Like you there are days I wish the sun wouldn't come up and I feel like staying under the covers all day. Nothing to get up for. But my faith has grown and it has gotten me thru some rough times. I have to admit that overall it has gotten better. I still have the grief waves but not as intense. I have crying spells but not as long. It feels like I'm settling into a new way of life without my wife here with me. So if you can hold on and ride it out, it will get better. The pain will dull and the grieving will get better. Just move one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself.

Take care.
Peace,Tim

I appreciate all of your comforting words and encouragement. I am glad that I have found this sight and can talk with people that know exactly how I feel.

I plan on spending the holiday with my children. My oldest is a truck driver and will be home, then it is off to my daughters for Christmas eve night after I spend the day with my mom celebrating her birthday on that day then will top the night off at my middle child for dinner. This is rough for him since he will be celebrating with new family as well. It is safe to say my children have covered all the bases.

I also believe that the Lord will be with me and get me through this time. I try to read passages from the Bible everyday. I know that time will help but it seems worse now that the actual service for him is now over. All I do is cry and it can be as something simple as a song on the radio that sets me off.

I have plans to look for a better job that will not have me working 15 hour days. I have come to resent the job because I now realize that I missed out on precious time that should have been spent with him. So the guilt has crept in and which makes me feel even worse.