Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Nothing in Life is Guaranteed!

loveddogs
loveddogs
Nothing but death, taxes and change. We may plan all we want, but we truly have very little control where our live's will take us. Forty years have gone by in the blink of an eye, yet we "grew" up together. We had no idea what would happen, where we would go or how big our family would become. But we didn't give up, through all the trials and tribulations we never gave up hope for the future. We clung together through thick and thin. We lost so many loved ones and gained so many new ones. But we did it together. And now I am faced with this unimaginable change, losing him. How do I go on without my rock? I have very few memories of life without him, and I want all those wonderful memories to sustain me until we are reunited. We laughed together, we cried together we shared everything. And so now I alone have to deal with this CHANGE! I have hope for the future. But have no clue where it will lead me. I guess I wasn't meant to leave with him. I don't want to see my family suffer anymore, so I must go on. Hoping that he is by my side as I share the wonderful memories and keep him tucked in my heart. I will keep his memory alive through my kids and little grand daughters and the new baby on the way. I guess that is my purpose? To love, comfort and nourish those we both loved and will love. To know he would want me to go on. I guess I need to learn to let life happen, I have no control over the future except to know each day I live is a day closer to being with him. I just need to learn to go with the flow. To somehow find a way to accept this Change and learn to live again. I want to find peace and comfort and joy again. I just miss him so! Through all the changes in my life, now is when I need him most. So where will the future take me? I have no idea, but I will fight, scrape climb through this agony looking toward the future where nothing is guaranteed. Hugs and Love to all, Michele
staygolden3
staygolden3
Well said Michele! We too were through all that you said and I so wanted to grow old with him. I really resent that my life has changed so much without my consent. But it did. So I will hold the future dear as well. You are right. Nothing is guaranteed. I always have said nothing stays the same. Cherish the moment. I have to say though with the guilt I do feel at times... I know in my heart that I did cherish every moment of the last few years with Ira as I knew he would be leaving this earth in the near future.
Love to you. You are an inspiration!
Darcie
scottito
scottito
Thanks Michele. I can so relate to everything you describe in this struggle forced upon us. When you say you have very few memories in life without him, same here. After I lost Juanita, the only memories I had of being alone were my bachelor days. But I was a totally different person back then - and I would never go back to who I was. I heard a new term last week so I apply it here: I am a "tweener" (meaning "inbetweener"). While I know I'm still kicking and have a life ahead of me, I also know that I'm about to enter my "golden years" (who in their right mind ever came up with that phrase should be shot!). I don't know what to do now - so I just leave it in God's hands and know He's got it all figured out for me. I know if I don't do that, I'll end up screwing it up and end up doing something stupid like getting a toupee!) So like you say, I need to just let life happen. Great advice. Thanks for your words, Michele. God bless you ~ Scott
saleeby
saleeby
So true Michele. Like you my husband and I were a team. Went through many hard times but always had each other and our love to get us through. We also had many joys and simple moments of contentment and our shared love for each other. My husband always said you have to live life on life's terms so I have to keep on doing just that because i am the one left behind. I am so happy he and I always took the time to express our love for each other in many little ways so I will always have those wonderful moments to sustain me,

Thank you for sharing,
Kathy
luvevergreens
luvevergreens
Thank you Michele and all. I hope we all find the strength to adapt to being so changed and in pain and live on always having our memories and moments to cling to. Take care and hugs, Mary
lori001
lori001
I think we all have our moments where we just take a pause and say, really?, this really happened?, now what?
This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. It's universal though, and has happened since the beginning of time. We are all connected by this universal and timeless experience. I try to draw strength from all those that have lived through this and survived. I get inspiration from the ones that have lived through this and thrived.
At 16 months....I have more good days than bad ones now. Have some things that I get happy and excited about. But some days are still a struggle.
Hugs to you all,
Lori
jesys
jesys
Nicely said, Michele. As I am lonely and sad, I now try to get out of my own grief and look at others. When I start up a conversation with other ladies about their lives, believe it or not, I am surprised to find how many widows like myself are out there, how many wonderful ladies. Unbelievable. Almost daily I run into one or two and am surprised. So, now I find if I get out of myself and think of others I can help them by thinking of them rather than just my misery and it is amazing what you find out about others lives. It also makes me feel somewhat better to know this experience is so shared. I don't start out discussing widowhood, but just say something about their day etc and surprise, find out they are a widow. Many, many, we are not alone. I also decided to talk in a positive manner, helping both them and myself in the process.
wendimac
wendimac
Sad and so true...a year ago today, I was thinking about planning a 60th birthday party...but in late March I was planning a funeral instead...
I wouldn't say that I'm living 'with' this change, but rather, beside it...
lmj90
lmj90
Things are certainly out of our control. I cherish every moment I spent with my husband both good and bad. I still wish for more even though I know that can't happen. You words are so true. I have no memories of life without him as we met early and "grew up together" I am so sad sometimes knowing that I should have let the little things slide and enjoyed life more. I need him more than ever and Im not sure time heals all. Hang in there and we are with you with every step.

Hugs

Lisa
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
One of the odd realizations I had early on is that when our spouse dies, we become the keeper of their legacy. Whatever that legacy may be, it will be remembered by whatever we do, by however we deal with losing them, and all the problems losing them causes. I decided that I did not want Cliff's legacy to be that his death destroyed me. I knew I had to keep going, even on days where I didn't want to. It's hard, one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

You will be okay, Michele, and you will preserve his legacy beautifully. Don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
bookdragon
bookdragon
I hear you Michele! life goes by so fast. In a blink 40 years is gone, except for the memories. I am beginning to have hope for the future, as well. We will get through this. Hugs Patti
icezam19
icezam19
Well said Cliffskat.
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