You did the right thing realizing that you need time to care for your wounded and breaking heart. I remember that first New Year like it was yesterday. I tried so hard to put on a brave face but I was so so afraid and so sad to be starting it without the love of my life.

Now it is a distant memory because it has been three years 9 months. When I say that we need to be kind to ourselves I mean we need to understand that pretending that life will be fine and dandy serves no one. Our worlds were turned upside down the day that we lost half of us. It is the hardest thing we ever ever have to do in our lives to rebuild half of us from the rubble and the ashes that are left.

I wanted to write because I know how very scary it is to think of what looms ahead that we have to face on our own. I have faced so much...possibly more than any other person I know...and I am proof that it can be done and there can be joy once more in our world.

You can do this....and we are here to help every step of the way...Please come here often and vent...ask questions...know that you will be heard here and that no matter what you are going through...someone....many someone's here understand...

Big (((((hugs))))) to you as you start this New Year. May you find rays of shine in between the clouds and rainbows after the great rains of your soul...
-Diana

I'm right there with you, Kim
New Years Eve was always our special night. It was the night we celebrated and toasted all of life's possibilities...our future. But last night hit me harder than any other holiday since I lost Bob. Last night there were no possibilities, only a dark, empty future with no one to hold me, to laugh with me, or to help me face the world. I have never felt so alone and lost.
Last night I cried like I have never cried before because, after 68 long and horrible days without my love, now I know the true meaning of alone. The reality of him being gone hits home like a sledgehammer harder and harder every day. You can't run and hid from it....it's just there, as cold and dark as night. And I hate it.
May our good and gracious God help us all!

Remembering that first New Year I felt as lost as you are feeling. On New Years Eve. that year went to bed early hoping to deny the fact that I was alone. But there was no denying the day that followed. I had invitations, but declined. I did a lot of hiding back then. Hiding and denial was my life.

Thats why I am amazed I survived. That's why I stay active on this site. I figure I need to let you know that no matter how bad you feel, how scared you are, you must believe you will come through this horrible tragedy a new and stronger you. You will find a reason to smile. You will build an existence that is satisfying to your heart.

There's a way.
Day by day.
Take it slow
And don't let go. Sharon

Sharon, i like the sweet poem. Reminder too of hiding, i do alot of hiding, mostly from the 'old' friends i had, married ones, i am slowly making new friends. I do not hide as much from them. I agree that it does seem New Years eve is more difficult than thanksgiving and christmas, i think because there are so many couples kissing at midnight, a perfect time to be asleep before midnight. I just have treated these past two new years eves like any other night, kept my regular schedule. alwaysafraid (Kim), I will pray for you in the coming year

Don't feel obligated to do or attend things that make you uncomfortable. I have been without my DH for 3-1/2 years now, and am settled in a comfortable life for me.

The first and second years were tough. I too was afraid and didn't know what I was going to do, how I was going to do it, what the future would bring, and how I would continue to live without him.

The secret is too NOT look so far in the future. You could die this very minute, or pass in your sleep. Be in a car accident, have a chronic illness. We don't know how long we have, so every day is a gift and make the most of it. It does get easier, and comfortable. I look back and can't answer how I got this far, nor recovered. I did lose the only person I wanted to spend my life with. It hurts, it sucks, but I have two choices now, either live or die.