Your pain and anger is, sorry to say, part of the grief of losing your husband. I also had difficult sleeping. I know that doesn't make it better. Nothing makes it better at 4 months. You have the choice to go or not to the anniversary get-together. Excercise that right. We have no control of anything but ourself. Put yourself a priority and do what you need to do to get through these hard times. Sharon

Agree with Sharon.take care of yourself............I am not going to a class reunion because I just can't bear to go without my love...............we graduated together
Lori

For me, issues of accepting or rejecting social events is one of control. Becoming a widow was like having all the control in my life jerked out of my hands.

In order to combat this feeling of lack of control, I decided that I will do what is BEST for ME, not what's best for everyone else. If you feel that going to the event would be good for YOU, then go. If not, DON'T GO. You don't owe anyone anything. And you should have control of your own life and activities. No one knows better than YOU what is best for YOU. Don't worry about THEM if you decide not to attend. I had to struggle with myself on some of these same issues and when I decided NO for me, I felt a little measure of control returning to my life. Good luck and I send you hugs!!!

DITTO! DITTO! and DITTO! Three posts filled with wisdom and self-loving advice. I hope they've given you the strength to make the decision that is best for YOU.

My husband also passed away almost 4 months ago on 5/17/12, and he also died unexpectedly. I'm so sorry that your husband died overseas. My husband was working out of town and I hadn't seen him for a week when he passed away of a heart attack, which was a total shock because he was in great shape. I couldn't sleep either so I started taking 1/2 Ambien every night, which helped a lot. Maybe your doctor could prescribe you something to help you sleep. Also, don't feel you that you have to go to the anniversary party...hard to believe they could even think of having a celebration so soon afterwards.
Kathy

Thank you all for your support. I went to the dinner and the first one to leave.

Kathy, my husband was also a healthy person when he left for the trip and I have not seen him for 2 weeks prior to his death. He was only 2 day away from coming home. He died of unknown cause. I waived the autopsy to get him home ASAP. It took 2.5 weeks to get him home. It was a total shock and unexpected like your husband. I still have his voice on the phone when he called me on mother's day. He was so sweet, he bought me and the grandchildren gifts that came home before his remain. I wasn't able to display his gift to me until recently. It is difficult when death is so sudden, unexpected and unexplained in my case.

Is there anything that is easy now? No. So treat yourself very gently, and do go to the doc for something to help you sleep. Sleep deprivation only makes things worse. ((SOFT HUGS))

After I lost Jean in December I made a regular visit to our GP. I told her I had been having sleep problems for a year or more. And especially after my sweetheart of 55 years was diagnosed with lung cancer 6 months prior to her death. Doc told me it was a classic sign of depression. I told her I didn't think I was depressed because I had no problem functioning during the day, just sleep problems. An hour or more to go to sleep. Wake up in an hour or two and lay there for an hour or so, doze off and repeat several times. She replied yep, depressed. She said I had been under more stress the last year or so than I realized. I told her I would like something to help me sleep but no ambien or anything else that I might wake up naked in the drive-thru at Jack-in-theBox. She laughed and said she was prescribing paxil at the lowest dose and that paxil was the mildest anti-depressant she knew of. Said give it a month or six weeks. Now I have no sleep problems.