The first yr. after losing your spouse is very hard - sad, lonely, why this, remembering all that happened during their last days of life. For me, it became better after that first anniversary passed. Not suddenly wonderful, but the "last yr. this time..." days are over. You are right, it is a very hard journey.

I also dreaded holidays and weekends for a long, long time. Everyone I knew was busy with family gatherings, and my extended family does not live nearby. Hard times.

My husband has been gone nearly 7 yrs., and I have become used to the "hole" in life now. My son & his dtr. now live with me due to a divorce -- better for me in some ways. Just hang in there - and accept invitations if any come your way. Try new things and perhaps count your blessings every day or 2. This helps me.
Wishing you peace - Doye

I'm so sorry for your loss and I know the first Anniversary of his death is a hard one. Keep your eyes on how much that love you shared meant to you and allow yourself to grieve the loss of your husband. It's okay to cry. Thinking and praying for you. Sharon

I am so sorry. Just when you think you are walking along this pathway, and getting into smooth terrain, boom, a boulder is dropped on your pathway...Been there, done that many many times. Sandee

I have a family thing tomorrow also. I circulated the Unique and Devasting loss essay to some family members--I felt like some of them needed to get a better understanding. So far, i've gotten positive feedback, so that is good. Hope your family will be understanding.

Ah the dreaded Holidays and memories attached to them . . I can so relate. The triggers simply don't stop coming. This year is my second 4th . . no party, but over-flow from neighbors party for swimming. I want to be the gracious hostess, yet my heart isn't there today. Maybe tomorrow will bring some good surprises? I think it will be the last quasi-celebration here at the house, so that weighs heavy as well. At 15 months, I'm one step forward and one back, then two steps forward, one back, etc. The point is it does ease up with time . . just not as quickly as perhaps we would hope for. Hang in there . . you are not alone on this journey. Hugs, D

I am sorry for your loss. The first anniversary is a sadden reminder and a big holiday attached Very typical of the 1 step forward and steps back and how it seems to be a long journey. Know you are feeling typically normal at this time, unfortunately.
Thinking of you Hugs

It does seem we do that 1 step 2 step dance. I hope the cookout won't be too stressful for you. take care of yourself this weekend-big hug Patti