Yeah, I think your counsellor had some insight there. We can never know the answers to the why questions. I'm glad you got some benefit from the advice.

I can't imagine being in your position Kara. Honestly I am reluctant to admit this but when I try my gratitude list, you come to mind because I realize how much worse my situation could be if I was on my own with small children as you and others are.
I don't think there is any way to spin this. I always try to see the bright side of things but it can't always be done. It is sad and unfair and horrible for you and your boys and your husband.
It's a good thing to go for therapy. Hang in there.

I to always like to put the positive spin on things. Some things in life just suck and this grief process is one of them. I truly wish you and your children peace and comfort as you travel through this journey. Gerald

Positive spin/outlook is a good coping skill sometimes, but rarely for a cathected loss ...
Those are some remarkable words she spoke - they also allow you to know its okay to grieve & is expected ...
Light on your journey ...
[[[HUGS]]]

I hope the advice you were given helps you move forward a little bit more easily. There was a point I hit where I finally realized that it would never be "okay" that Cliff died so suddenly and so young, that it would always feel "unfair" no matter how much I prayed or how hard I tried or how many books I read or whatever. And when you have kids - whether they are little guys or big guys - you have an extra layer of grieving the future plans that will never be. How can there ever be a positive spin on that?

Eventually, I put it aside. I called for a truce with God so that I could stop being mad at Him, too. I had to accept that Cliff's death was another unfair, unwanted, awful occurrence in my life, and then let it go. It wasn't easy, and it did not happen quickly.

I lost my Dad when I was 26 and pregnant with my first son. Daddy was a cancer death, and the best I could do then was tell myself at least he was no longer suffering - no more pain, no more treatments, no more surgeries - but it never really makes up for the loss. I do understand some of what you're going through - I won't say all - I'm not walking in your shoes.

Wishing you peace and courage....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I dont think there is a point in being mad at God either, I am sure if there is one, he/she wouldnt do or allow these horrible things. If there is a God, its a kind understanding forgiving one, that wants us all to feel good and at peace, and not to feel sad, guilty, angry, hopeless. Its a God that somehow has no control over these bad events... I dont mean to offend anybody, I realize the idea of a God that is not almighty could be offensive to some, but its just how I force myself to squeeze some sort of twisted theory of my own...
I cant really make sense of anything either, but I am not ready to quit looking for some sense though, also because I think this bizarre spiritual quest of mine gives me motivation to go on breathing. Hopeless as I feel, there is a little tiny hope I could be wrong, and it will all one day be wonderful when I met my T, Mom, and all the crowd that left... And it will all make sense... And it will all be worth while...
Lets try to take a day at a time, we know from others that better days may come...

I always believed that in life, we need to have a backup plan for everything from relationships, jobs, homes. How many times do we not get our first or even second choice in something and have to go to that third or even fourth plan. With this loss, however, it is the first time that I was left totally without a backup plan. I never thought out what I would do in the 'event of...' We didn't even have life insurance. I would imagine the mind shuts it down as one of those totally horrid unmentionable thoughts. This is particularly disconcerting, as I'm left to rebuild from the bottom. I know I'm not alone in this. Life throws some quite nasty sharps rocks and it is only through faith that we plod along, one day after the next; in the belief that as the leaves dry and fall from the tree that the tree lives on to a new cycle. I don't think there is a positive spin can be put on tragedy like this. We can be optimistic and embrace that the cycle of life will go on, and we are all part of it.

I know where you come from here. I have one that will not remember Mike and one that he never got to meet. Not to mention 3 more that do remember him and hurt because they are not like the other kids they know. We got to suck this up somehow

Maggie

My husband was in a constant pain, even after he underwent 5 surgeries. My Mom, whom I lost this month, had a second stroke after which who could not walk, and had difficulty speaking.

I don;t need a spin, I am realistic about pain, I watched it unfold. My compassion and my love for them is my comfort . It is my tragedy, my loss, while they are finally free from all of it, and more importantly, they are free from agonizing pain and potentially more pain...
I carry pain of missing them, needing them, but I have also a feeling of surrender and acceptance.
Blessings

I have always been a positive person, but never believed in "everything happens for a reason" bit. I don't need reasoning for anything happening. It is what it is. Life happens, death happens.

The only positive you need, is for the future. You have a family who needs you and who can help you move forward. We had a 7 month old son when my husband passed. He is what kept me going. I wanted to be happy, so he would have a happy life.