Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nancyc57
Nancyc57
Its been 3 years since my best friend/husband suddenly passed away due to Cancer. We have know each other since we were in grade school, married 28 years and he was only 55 years old when he passed away three weeks after his diagnosis. One year after he passed way my mother came to live with me and she passed away last Thanksgiving. I have had hardly anytime to mourn my spouse because I was caring for my mom ( which was a blessing for me to keep my mind off of him) Now they are both gone. I have not been single for over 28 years, I have always worked and been active with my friends. I want to go back to work, but emotionally I am not strong enough ( I work in healthcare) I hardly go out with my friends because they are all couples and I feel like a third wheel and its terrible to say but I am so jealous of them. I am 59 years old and stay at home doing basically nothing. I don't know how to venture out. My husband left me financially secure so having a job is mostly a social outlet. Is 59 y/o too young to retire? I am not alone as I have three of the most beautiful, caring sons a woman could ask for. But I am lonely.. I miss the physical and emotional connection. We grew up together so we did everything together. I just do not know how to move on. I loved being married to him, he was the love of my life. He cherished me and I him. Thank you all for listening. This website has saved my life.
rbar321
rbar321
I feel your pain and I am so sorry for your losses. Stay strong.
snowalone
snowalone
Nancy, is there a grief support group in your area? Often they are affiliated with a church (but that does not necessarily mean they are preachy or proselytizing - the Catholic one I joined for it's 11 week duration - was not). It's a good way to divert yourself in person with people who are grieving and need to share with you too. It's a little step but it will get you out and will not hurt, even if sometimes you think why bother, I'm glad I went to one. Still suffer the 2 steps forward 3 back every other day, but, what to hell.

I agree this website is a life saver. Amazingly.
Nancyc57
Nancyc57
Snowalone, I did go to hospice grief meetings when he first passed away, but it was way to soon after he passed for me to be able to even speak, all I did was cry. I was so overwhelmed with my own despair and listening to others pain was too much. My spouse was the first death I ever dealt with, and then my mothers passing was numbing. Now that you have mentioned it, I will look into going back to Hospice for the grief meetings. Thank you for caring. Nancy
tim57
tim57
Hey Nancy,
I've had a lot of expreience loosing family. My grandmother in 92. From then to 2010 I lost three cousins an uncle an aunt. My wife moved her mother in with us because she had altzhiemer's and she passed. My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and my wife bacame her care giver until my mother passed in 2010. My father passed in 2013. My wife in August of 2015. Nothing prepared me for the loss of her. There was just something completely different loosing her. I loved my family and mother- inlaw but it was just different with Linda. Eight months later I just take it one day at a time. What gets me thru is my faith and knowing I will see her again on that day. We actually had a couple of conversations about one of us going before the other. We both wanted the other to find happiness as much as they could and live the life left. I am thinking maybe doing some volunteer work or taking up a hobby I've always wanted to try. Just anything to keep busy. The folks on this site has helped so much. Someone else who gets this makes such a difference. Doesn't fix it but knowing your not alone with this on earth helps.
It is hard, very hard but I know she is back with her mom waiting for my race to be finished. My prayers are with you. Take care of you.
Peace, Tim
snowalone
snowalone
I'm glad you will rejoin a grief support group. Please let me know how that goes for you.

Nanne
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
Nancy - you surely have had a lot on your plate for these last 3 years. Of course you feel like you're rowing on a lake with one oar - how could you not? I agree with the other folks that a grief support group (or a therapist) is something to think on. Another thing to think about would be to volunteer - even a day a week. SPCA is always looking for volunteers, as are the food banks. I do it one day a week at our local thrift store that supports domestic violence victims (and I get 30% off anything I buy, woo hoo!). Seriously - I get what you're saying. I miss Joe - I miss our relationship, and it's hard to get your momentum going. Baby steps apply at every and any point of this journey - Hugs, Marsha
FaithNLove64
FaithNLove64
Nancy-

I love the picture you have shared of you and your hubby. You both look very happy in it- a beautiful couple.

I would like to join the other posters above in encouraging you to volunteer. The best part of volunteering is you can pick your own hours and do only what you enjoy. Someone mentioned food pantries and animal shelters- but the options are really limitless. Women's shelters, homeless shelters, schools, hospitals, rape crisis centers, the Red Cross, etc... Pick something that calls to your heart. :)

God Bless You in Your Future Endeavors!
lori001
lori001
Hi Nancy....I agree with everyone else about volunteering and grief support groups, but also wanted to mention taking classes that enrich you and feed your spirit. Is there a senior center in your area? Where I live there is one that offers a lot of affordable classes...things such as yoga, tai chi, sewing, and also group activities and outings such as hikes, sightseeing, dances, etc.
I had to go back to work after I lost my husband, but when I was a homemaker I took quilting classes at my local sewing store, and was also a member of a quilt guild. I made wonderful friends, and spent many days sewing with my girlfriends. It was very fulfilling. I really miss it and look forward to having the time for it again when I no longer have to work full time.
You might also consider picking up a part time job. I hadn't worked in over 20 years, and find that the rhythm and routine of work has been good for me. I work in the medical field, and some days I feel very satisfied knowing I've made a difference.
Sounds like you're ready to start branching out...good luck and keep us posted. It sure takes a long time to figure out our new lives!