Gosh MJ, 9 months isn't very much and I don't think you should feel bad about any setbacks at this point. It could very well be from reading the book as I think sometimes we can look for what we read to happen. You have been through a lot with all the deaths of your loved ones this year.
It's been 2 years for me and I'm having a really bad time right now. I think a lot of it is the holidays and my friends are couples. Jim and I always loved Christmas and it's now such a lonely time. I have also lost 2 more friends in the last month. It's very difficult to keep upbeat when life is changing so much around me(us). I do much better around people and keeping very busy which I try to do.
I know logically that my life will never be what it was with Jim and am trying to accept that fact. I do best when I'm helping someone else and have one friend I help whose hubby also has Alz. and another who just lost her hubby last week. Very easy to have pity parties.
This is a very difficult time of year for all of us and you are coming up on the anniversary too so be easy on yourself.

MJ, I too had a very hard time at 9 months. That was 2 months ago. I believe there is some truth to the fact that that time period can be very rough. I was wondering why I was having such a hard time. There were no major events going on like, birthday, anniversary, etc. I felt a little relieved when I read "Seven Choices" and other books that mentioned this time period was exceptionally hard. Hang in there and just take it day by day. Hugs, Connie

I think there maybe some truth to it!!! I too am at 9 months!!! it seems that my mood swings have gotten well a little more moody!!! every thing makes me teary eyed!! if I am happy I cry!!!! if I am sad I cry more!!! doesn't matter what it is, a song , if some says something nice, if the mail man says hi. kinda crazy!! but I try to keep busy!!! I think Christmas has a lot to do with it. still cant listen to the Christmas music that bob and I enjoyed so much!! thinking of all of you during this holiday season and thankful for all of you wonderful people!! hugs gayle

It is 10 months for me and I'm more emotional now than I was the last few months. I think the first holidays are tough on us all. I keep thinking once I reach the one year mark, things will get better. The roller coaster ride continues..

Well, that tells me what is wrong with me. Be 10 months today. Just the time table. Thank you for posting this. No, its not you. I didn't even know of it until you posted it. Maybe if I had, I would have prepared better for this time. Sandee

I totally understand. I am at nine months, and I've been having a very hard time. I've been crying a lot, and I don't feel well at all, physically or emotionally. I do have health problems -- breathing issues -- and I am well past retirement age. But but I still work. My husband used to drive me, and, as my job is sedentary, I was able to do OK. But, lately it's been hard -- the cold, the early darkness, crummy weather, the coming holidays. Today, for the first time, I just stayed home and just sat or cried almost all day. I just couldn't get it together, and I am exhausted just thinking about tomorrow.

Not sure if it's the nine months or the time of yea, but it's been harder lately, certainly not easier.

Hugs to all,
DorothyJoan

I remember getting booklets every 3 months from the funeral director informing me of stages common for that time period. Some I related to and others were earlier or later. I would say overall all they were close to my feelings. It made my first year at least understandable. Sharon

I'm not at nine months yet but, was reading a book about grief and the different stages and such. I had to stop it was too hard, I may pick it up again later but for now no. It was "bringing me down" no good as I was already pretty low. So it may be true about nine months but the book also might have something to do with it. Take a break have a cup of tea. Think of some of the positive memories.
Best Wishes,
Jeff

Yes, Jeff, if we could just stay focused on the positive memories. Perhaps they could sustain us, console us, and help us carry on. But I, for one, too often wallow in the sadness of it all. I think I am selfish. I had almost 50 years with a wonderful man, who loved me unconditionsally and was my soul mate. More than many people in this world could ever hope for. Yet I miss him so much and long for him and find it hard to be supported by memories alone. I think I am greedy, for sure, but I can't seem to help it.
DorothyJoan

Xmas Eve will be 9 months for me and my emotions have been sensitive as well. Holidays, stress, missing him all combined. I don't feel so lonely anymore. I am ok with it. The sadness isn't quite as bad as it was :) and it passes. I like to take the time to feel it. Just be one with it. It won't be here forever. I might one day forget what it feels like to be loved as much as I was. I hope not because of like to be able to help my daughter discover that kind of love.

Thanks for the thoughtful replies. As usual this site keeps me focused on the fact that I'm not alone in my journey and while grief is unique for each us there are a lot of similarities that let me know I'm still on a healing path.

I am truly sorry for your loss! I am glad you find comfort here! I am not quite at 2 months yet, and I feel more like it has been 2 years that I have been carrying this broken heart. Even though you have had a set back at 9 months does it seem easier than it was at 2 months? Thanks for sharing! God bless...
Best wishes and hugs
Mary

Hey MJ, I think it was probably me that suggested the book to you - I have recommended that one a lot. It's still the best one I have found. Anyway, after 6+ years, I can tell you that it is very very very very common to have a rough time between 9-11 months - regardless of whether you read that book or not. Usually by 9 months, most of our social circle thinks we should be "over it" so we feel less supported, and often feel pressured to "try harder" to get through our grief, like somehow we are "doing it wrong." Grief isn't a race, there are no magic number of months that makes the pain disappear. I do think we all start to basically wear a little thin by that time. There is a kind of subtle cumulative effect that takes hold. Don't be discouraged by it.

I did a post after I passed my one year about my struggles with the 9-11 months period. You might find that discussion helpful. Here is a link to it (it's very old now):

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/5553804-observations-911-months

I hope it helps.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thanks Martha, That post from 08 really helps.

Although I am not to the 9 month mark, I appreciate everyone's responses. I do know I will have setbacks from time to time. I appreciate sharing books that can help too, as I love to read, even though the subject matter isnt my favorite. I do find they do help, even though I get palpitations sometimes, a little anxiety here and there. I put them down for a few days, and read something else. That seems to help. I know I am healing, having some new goals in sight, still finding energy to keep myself going. Thank you everyone here at DS for helping me stay sane and headed in the right direction! Bless all of you! Patricia