Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
This is my first time on a support group of any kind. I have been a widow since March 28, 2016. In June we would have celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. This was our second marriage and we had found the happiness that we each had been looking for. My husband was a 3 year cancer survivor when it came back. The second time it came back with a vengeance and when discovered again it was Stage IV. We were not so lucky this time. Within the time frame of 5 weeks he was gone, all of which were spent in the hospital. I never got to bring him home as I had promised. We still had the Honeymoon banner from our hotel door on our bedroom door. I am not sure what to do now. Everything in my life was based on a life with him. I returned to my part time job and my daughter has moved back with her boyfriend. The house is big and empty and I can hardly bear it. It hurts to breathe and the tears are daily. I am a strong persona and a survivor but this brought me to my knees. I have survived a 28 year marriage with both physical, emotional abuse and cheating, the loss of a 30 year business because of the ex husband, ongoing lawsuits with my ex and the relationship loss of my oldest daughter who has chosen her father's side. I was enduring all of this because I had the most wonderful, loving, kind, honest man as my husband. Now on top of all the other I have lost him after 21 months of marriage. There is no light at the end of my tunnel today. it is not getting easier but actually harder. How can a survivor survive this?
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know it is difficult but one minute at a time, hour at a time, and day at a time. I lost my wife of 26 years in an accident almost five months ago. I'm going thru the motions of working, taking care of the house and our chocolate Labrador retrever. My reason for being (my wife) is gone and my joy is gone. There aren't too many minutes through out the day I don't think of her.
However, I need to keep going for my family, her family, our boys, and to keep her memory alive. I won't forget her.
Better days will come, I'm not saying it will be great but remembering our loved ones will bring a smile to our lips and a smile when we talk about them. Do something that was special to them, in memory of them, do things on their bucket list in memory of them. I'm still grieving and will for a very long time, what I haven't been able to feel right with is that the world keeps on moving forward but I'm stuck still and can't believe the world is moving on without her. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. My prayers to you in this time of sorrow and grief. :-(
I found weeks 3 and 4 much more difficult than the first 2. It is all so surreal for a while, but it is very surreal the first two weeks. And there is much to do with planning a service, immediate paperwork, etc. I found at about week 3 was when my grieving really began.
I lost my husband 15 weeks ago, so I have no words of wisdom about this process in the longer term. But I do know that I have already felt the pain ease since those first couple of months. I found it helpful to be with people and do as much as I could with others. It made me more appreciative of the quiet in the house.
You sound like a survivor, but yes, this is quite a journey. Hang in there. Do only what needs to be done for this first while. Eat, sleep and drink water when you can. And keep visiting this site. Reading others' posts helped me navigate things thus far.
Sending you a hug,
Kate
Please read all you can in this group. We will always be here for you.
We understand what you are going through, even if others don't understand.
Sending hugs -
MysticDay
I am at almost 8 months ( a week from today ) since I lost
my wife and the pain is almost unbearable at times. We
were together for 30+ years and married for almost 25
years. Her death was unexpected. She was only 53 years
old and 16 years younger than me.
However, though I am already filled with pain, your post
brought tears to my eyes. You have already been through
so much.
I made it through the first few months one minute and then
one hour at a time. I am trying one day at a time now but
still frequently revert back to one minute at a time. The only
thing that get me through it is to concentrate I hard as I can
on every positive memory of my wife. It is difficult as pain
constantly want to dominate my brain but I fight and fight
and fight to think of positive experience and things I can
remember about her. I spend a great deal of time looking
at large photos of her surrounded by candles and thinking
of her. Tears, tears, tears. It is at times exhausting but it
gets me through the minutes and the hours and the nights.
You are in my thoughts. Keep us posted.
Darrell from Texas
I can relate with the daughter thing. My step-daughter moved in with me when Linda passed but then right back out a few days after Chritmas. The door is open but she has to make those decisions on her own. Please take care of you. My prayers are with you.
Peace, Tim