So sorry for your loss. Guilt is part of the grieving journey. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Visit here often and read other peoples experiences. It really does help. Hugs

Oh honey, all of us deserve love. And as you grow in years, you will learn that love is the ONLY thing worth living for. You've tasted love and it was cut short. But your love is no less than those of us that were married decades. The longer we are together, whether married or not, the more time we have to grow together, from 2 individuals and into an "us". Over time, all of us lose our self-identity and life becomes all about the "we". And it is the "we" we become that is who we are. And when one dies, it is our identity that dies its own death. In Genesis, the book of beginning, we are told that man and woman become one. Yes, one physically. But also one spiritually. Our eternal spirits join, and when one dies, we suffer what is best termed a "spiritual amputation". Worst pain there is or ever could be. Not a one of us didn't have regrets of not appreciating our partner enough. And all of us have to work through that, and many other regrets. But we can not change our past, only learn from our mistakes. I like to think that had I known what you now know before I married Juanita, that I would have been so much more attentive to her. She worked so friggin' hard to keep all my needs taken care of so all my energies could go toward making a better life for both of us. But that all ended when she exited this natural realm. Cherish the love you had. Cherish the moments the two of you had. And now learn to live your life cherishing each day and the moments waiting to be discovered. For it is only in the moments that memories are made, and it is those memories we wear around our hearts as a necklace of precious jewels. When you are way farther along in your grief, begin living again. For all of us, our partner in life would want us to do so. Life is for living. And life is for loving. Find your peace and measure everything by it. When your peace leaves, find a different path. Always. I promise you, this will get better with time, time and more time. God bless you and comfort you and wrap His loving arms around you. ~~~ Scottie

Oh Scottie!! Beautifully put and so absolutely true. Thank you. He passed in January from cancer. Married 44 years. Met 46 years ago at age 16...now 62. We've been an "us" and that's been my identity. You hit the nail on the head! When I pray or talk about anything , I still say "we". Hard to change that to "I". Thanks again.

I'm so sorry for you. It never stops hurting. You just go on. I do, like s robot still 2 1/2 years later. I go through the motions of life.

Scheunic.... I'm so sorry for your loss. You are soooo young to have this happen to you. We all experience guilt, anger and pain. I'm sure you loved and appreciated him. Just keep cherishing the moments you did have with your dear one. Maybe you can benefit from grief counseling and coming hear to share your feelings with us. We are all in this together. Hugs to you dear.

His family is being less than helpful right now too...we owned a business together, a food truck, but it was only titled in his name. And now his kids are inheriting it, but I get all the loan debt. They are calling me on the phone yelling nasty things at me and saying that I'm making up our plans to get married. All when they haven't even talked to him in 6+ months. Why would he tell him our plans when they hadn't spoken in that long....I don't know how to handle his family...

Well, seems to me you don't have the energy to battle assholes while in the throngs of your grief. Consult with an estate (probate) attorney in your State. They will know what rights, if any, you might have in this situation. If the loan is secured by the food truck, that truck goes by-by as in repo if no one makes the payments. If the loan(s) are not secured by the truck, but if you can prove the trail between the loan proceeds and the purchase of the truck, at a minimum you might have an equitable lien, a "partnership", or a specific statute that protects a person in your situation. All depends on the law in your state and the knowledge of the attorney you choose to consult with. And a good attorney will give a recommendation whether the situation is worth the effort and cost required to fight for it. At a minimum, cease your contact with these people, communicate in writing and save copies of the correspondence if you have any. I know first hand about family run-ins post-death. Emotions run high on both sides. And if you weren't favored before, well, don't expect it now. True colors have a way of showing in the aftermath of death. Sad, but true. Dump the relationships you don't need, want or have the energy to deal with. You've got to put yourself first in all of this grief to survive it. The saying here that holds true is that some of us will have to get a new address book, just a matter of when is all. Sad but true. ~~~ Scotti

My mom had me talk with a lawyer a few days after and I don't have have many rights in the business. But even if I did I couldn't run it without him. It was our dream to do it together and I can't imagine even stepping foot in there now. I don't know why they hate me now though, they didn't before. It's like they've forgotten I'm grieving too.

My heart is with you. My husband died 1 month ago after 44 beautiful years of marriage. But I do feel a lot of similarities with you. When we married, I was 23 and he was 40. I am so sorry that you didn't get to enjoy the years with him. If only we knew the answers to all of our "why" questions. For whatever reason - we all have to keep going. One of our sons died 10 years ago and I think some of the best advice I got then was ---- just remember to put one foot in front of the other and keep breathing. Everything else will fall into place in time. Hugs