that is what scares me about even going out for dinner, they often take that as a come on. Be careful.

that's what happened here too.... two dinner dates....

mel, my imagination went wild here. I was imagining that you all of a sudden gotten married, and were running off to Germany....So much for taking things slow.....lol

It's friends first. He could have concepts in his mind of a scenario that just didn't materialize. This takes time, patience, and it's not the movies. A long distance relationship makes things more awkward, and there likely could be some cultural differences at play here too. Sounds like he has expectations - he needs to not expect any outcome, get to know one another, and just see that happens. No need for him to be upset. That part concerns me. Then toss it back to you by telling you it's your 'signals.' The dynamics can be more complex than what can be solved in two days. I'd proceed by not being upset myself (that will only compound the situation), and carry on trying to have fun or sight see or whatever.

At least you were open and honest with him...he has to appreciate that, and it is good that you will be friends. Time will tell, I know your spirits are low, it is scary and you are grieving. So many things to think about. Keep smiling!! Patricia

It's a difficult situation a he is only here for a short period of time. Normally you would date for a while and decide if you want it to be more than friends. I know it's not the same as if you just met someone as you have had a chance to know each other via phone & internet, but I think it still takes some face to face time to really get to know someone. Now throw in the fact your still grieving and this is the first man you have gone out with since Mike and that is a lot to process emotionally and I can understand where your coming from. Wishing you the best.

Russ

I believe she said he has been a widower for a few short months also...

Mel, I am sorry it did not quite work out but there were too much pressures on both sides and maybe to much expectations on both sides too. You both had a scenario in your head and they might not have been the same.

Two days is too short to resolve anything, it will only add more pressure and render the situation untenable. I feel it is wrong to keep the ball in your court. Time only will tell. If he was living closer you would have had a few dates and given yourselves some time to know one another and it does need some face to face interaction. Even though my daughters tell me that I am too old fashion, I still believe certain things don't ever change.

My husband was English and I am French, we met in the UK when I was studying English, I returned to France to complete my degree for two years but whilst I was away our relationship suffered, it was only when I came back living in London that our relationship flourished and we then married. Living a long way away was, long term, unsustainable.

You are still grieving, he probably is also. It did not work out so I think you have to give it time and see what happens. If nothing comes out of it, just file it on the "experience" account.

All the best.

Mel40,

Do you think you were very clear about your physical boundaries when you were communicating with John (?) on line.? Or, Is it possible that you gave mixed messages?

If it is the former, then you can remind him that you discussed the intimacy piece before he arrived and that he agreed that this first visit was just to get acquainted.

But, if you sent mixed messages, then acknowledge your ambivalence and discuss that with him. You may both be confused about what YOU want from him.

Worst case scenario is that he felt entitled to "more" simply because he flew over to be with you. In that case, you probably don't want someone that arrogant anyway.

These on line relationships are challenging. Verbal chemistry does not always translate well into face to face reality. But, I sympathize with your hope to resolve matters.

Everything y'all have written is so true. I'm better today. And I have no expectations. Meeting face to face really helped me because you really don't know someone online. He will fly home tomorrow. Maybe we can remain online friends. Ball is in his court. I agree, friends first. If he can't manage that, then I don't want it.