Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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chas58
chas58

Hi everyone, I’m a recent widower as of the 3rd of this month. My wife of 37 years passed away due to liver disease from alcohol addiction.  I tried my best to cut her back on her drinking but if I did too much it ended up in a fight that would last for days.  I sometimes feel guilty that I could have done more.   For me the hard part is when she passed away we had plans for a great vacation at the coast celebrating our anniversary, now that is all dust in the wind. 


It's been hard, last Saturday I had a melt down and it took my son and son-in-law to help me through it.  I think I'm passed the crying stage, because I went through her clothes yesterday and did not have a breakdown. 


Question: how long should one morn?   I'm I guilty of wanting to find someone to be in my life so early?



Many times my wife said she would be the first one to go and I would go on with out her and she expected me to find someone to fill my life,  I would always say, that I would go first--well I was wrong on that one.  All I know is right now I hate being alone, that’s not part of my physic



Chas58 

Solara
Solara
Sir, be strong, life is like this..someone will go...but our life wont stop there.Keep moving on, your family is there. God bless you.
Solara
Solara
It depends on how long or how early, as long as you're ready to move on and start your life with. And be sure to know more first the woman you want to spend your life with.
Cavewifelost
Cavewifelost
Hi chas58. First, I'm very sorry for your loss. Based on what you said but, more importantly, what you've not said, it sounds like you lost your wife a long time ago. Addiction is a beast, and the only person that can cure the addict is the addict. Everyone else is just a support system or an enabler. I don't know if you're an addict yourself, had a codependent relationship, or if you simply loved her unconditionally. Only you can decide how long you mourn, and when it's right to move on. It's different for everyone. There is no right or wrong. My advice to you is to not look for any port in the storm, because it's likely to lead you right back into the same troubled waters that you've just emerged from. Not adequately grieving the loss of a lifetime love can lead to devastating consequences. I think that very few of us here are ready to move on so soon after the loss of our loved one, but most have not traveled the same path that you've traveled. This decision has to be yours and yours alone. I wish you the best. <3 Anita
chas58
chas58
Sorry if I missed communicated when my wife had died, she died on the 3rd of this month.
staygolden3
staygolden3
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. Addiction can be a monster and it's sad to see that it has claimed yet another life.
A new relationship this early is not the cure for loneliness. It seems like it may help but in the long run, in most cases, it will only lead to more heartache.
You have to learn to be one with yourself and be ok with that before you can or should bring another person into your life.
Grieving for your lost love while trying to start a new relationship esp so soon is a very hard thing to do. Yes, it has been done and sometimes with success but 20 some days is barely enough time to even come to grips with this new life. You're still in the thick of widowers fog.
Give yourself some time to comprehend this new path.
My best wishes to you for strength and courage.
Darcie