So sorry for your loss.
I lost my Tim last year he was 54 and I was 52. We were married 36 years and 8 days. We have 2 grown sons and 5 grandchildren.

Everyone also remarks of how I am the strongest person they know and how they would not be able to be as strong as I am. What they do not see is that I cry every day. I miss my Tim so much I have physical pain. They don't see that, I am really good at faking it I guess. In fact it surprises them when they see me breakdown.

I too suffer from the lonliness. I don't think there is an answer to cure the lonliness. Dating, lol, I got married when I was 16 and don't know how to date.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feeling of loneliness.
Hugs, Sandi

Sorry that you are having a hard time. My husband died 5 months ago and although I am early in my grief, I don't see myself wanting anyone but him. Some people can move forward and find a new love, but I'm not sure I ever will be able to do that. The loneliness is the hardest part, but being with someone that I would always measure against him, would not be any better. Everyone has to do what is right for them. I'm sure the loneliness must get better as time goes on, but I don't know how long it will take. You are at the right place to express your feelings. This group is great! Hugs, Norma

I am so sorry. My husband passed in March. I joined a support group in April. The other day a new lady joined us and she lost her husband three years ago and is again experiencing the same type of aloneness and a broken heart. I think this is all part of the journey of grief. Trying to take it all a day at a time because if I look or peek down the road, it breaks me. Much peace to you.

Rainbow27, I too was part of a grief support group for a short while. I actually found it to be very depressing because there too were people who lost someone years ago and were still mourning. It gave me the impression that it will NEVER end. I would like to hope that things get better with time. I lost both parents and still think of them, but there isn't actual pain or lonliness anymore. I was hoping that would be the case with losing a spouse too. If that isn't really so, then it really is hopeless..........oh dear!

Welcome to this group they have all been so supportive but this lonliness is excrutiating. I woke at 4.oo am and the crying began again. Lately I have been not too bad, but today its a not nice way to begin another day. Anyway hugs to you, hope I can be a little comfort for you. Val

I totally know what you are feeling. Its been 3 yrs for me. I tried the dating sites and found nothing at all, I guess someone will just have to come to my door. Its so hard getting used to this new life, I hate it.
I keep busy by working and my pets otherwise I would go nuts!
Wishing you better days ahead.
Hugs,
JoAnn

I'm so sorry for your loss. My Rich was only 57 when I lost him almost 4 months ago. We were together for 33 years. I know what you mean about everyone thinking your so strong. All through when he was in the hospital, through the funeral and after, that's all everybody said to me - how strong I was! My older brother stood by me while I delivered his eulogy and he wept through it and wondered how I got through it. Because what they didn't see was me writing it and reading it over and over - sobbing all the time. Because I wanted to get through it at the funeral. What they didn't see was me going home every night after the hospital and sobbing myself to sleep! What choices did I have - I couldn't break down in front of him!
The loneliness is unbearable sometimes. Others you just get through the days.
As far as the dating thing goes - you'll know when you're ready.
You will be glad you joined this site - I have found more comfort here in these dark days than I ever thought I would. Everyone here is supportive and caring. And if anything, it helps to know you are not alone on this journey.
Hugs to you.

The loneliness is brutal. I've never been alone. If one more person tells me how strong I am, I may come unglued on them. I know people mean it as a compliment but I'm not that strong, I just don't have a choice. I pray that I won't be alone forever, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the dating scene. It even sounds wired to type it(I was just shy of 15 when Paul & I started dating). I think loneliness is another aspect of grief that we all battle.

I understand where your at. I just past 18 months and for the past month it seems all I can think about is how much I miss my wife. I think were at the stage of this is our life now and whatdo we do with it. This moving forward is even harder than I expected.
Russ

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in 2011 to a sudden heart attack at the age of 41. That first year was just pure trauma. The thing that I have found that helps the most is to listen and be kind to yourself. If you aren't ready to be out there, you aren't. Don't force yourself. Find something YOU love to do and do it. Maybe that's a book group, maybe it's volleyball. I don't know that is your choice and your decision. Find one thing you are happy about each day and do one small act of kindness for yourself or someone else. I promise it make you feel better. There is hope. I am dating, he is a widower and we understand each other. The old love is not replaced. I still love my husband and miss him, but the new love brings a lot of joy and understanding. Just hang in there. I promise it gets better.

I haven't been here for awile but like you have been a widow 4 years now and I hate the loneliness but can't imagine being with anyone else. I try to focus on my family and my faith and that helps, but it doesn't help 24/7 does it? So I know what you mean. Sorry for your loss. Hugs, Jo

Thank you, everyone, for your responses to my post. It means a great deal to know I am not alone in this process. I'm glad I found this group. Lori

I haven't read any of the replies to your post, but can express how I feel.

It has been 5 years since my husband passed and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about him. Some days it doesn't bother me at all and others I go through the day with a heavy heart. He was my life, or half of my life anyway.

As for getting back out there again, forget the suggestions. You do what is in your heart, not what others would expect. Society puts too much emphasis on getting back in the saddle. They believe it is going to fix everything, or something in the widow book of rules. I didn't know there was such a thing.

If someone asks how I'm doing and I mention I've been feeling lonely, it doesn't automatically mean I'm looking for a man. Why do people presume to put that kind of pressure on others? You miss your husband, not some guy you can replace if you just "get out there". You were married 20 years, then death took him away, it's going to take as long as it takes to heal. Too bad they don't teach that somewhere along with all the unimportant things that are supposed to be important in life.

Hi, I just joined this group, well, now. I'm still counting in weeks. I lost my wife of 27 years 7 weeks ago today. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've actually stopped the car on the street before pulling in the driveway when it hits once again she won't be in the house when I walk in.

I understand what you mean Laney - this can't be my life. There's no schedule or timetable. You do what you do, you meet who you meet on your terms not at the behest of others.

Peace.