Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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dayxdayxday 08/21/2018

Hi All,

I don't really know what if anything I expect from joining. I have been told by many that I need to let myself grieve. I am trying and I think I am progressing. I'm 48 and just lost my soulmate a month ago who was the same age and generally healthy. It was completely unexpected and we still haven't received the final cause so things still don't seem final. It isn't that the cause will change anything but it will be good to know. My wife and I were truly soulmates. This was our 2nd marriage for both of us and we share 3 kids...none of them with both our DNA but we parented them as if they were both of ours. She was/is my world. We had so many plans. And she was so happy/excited about our future. Things were going perfect and then nothing. She was gone. It still doesn't seem real. I talk to her each night.

I'm not even sure the point of this post except to share with others who may understand and to put some thoughts in writing. I have been trying to focus on work and the kids (who are highschool and college age). There are financial concerns because we weren't even close to prepared for this but that seems like a petty point. Today is better than yesterday and way better than last week and 1000 times better than last month. But I'm still struggling at times which I think is to be expected.

My son stepped out tonight for a while and I completely broke down while it was just me and the dogs. I haven't done that for a while. Anyway, not sure how much I'll post but plan to read through some of the other members comments/discussions. Thanks for listening/reading.

regwin 08/21/2018

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here has had a loss and are in different stages. It's been a long time for me. My husband had a massive stroke and was gone in a week. I never forget how kind people were to me. I try to offer comfort and support. It takes time to get through the grieving process. Take one day at a time. If there is a bereavement group in your area it may help to attend meetings. This is a wonderful group. Members here truly care. My thoughts are with you for strength and peace. Hugs, Dolores

lmj90 08/22/2018

I am so sorry for your loss. We all understand and feel or have felt what you feel at this very moment. I lost my husband unexpectedly (will be 4 yrs ago in October) Not a day goes by that I don't grieve in some form. For me creating a journal and writing in it "to" my husband helpes. I found DS and I am still here. I am glad you found this site but I'm sorry you have to be here. Please reach out if you would like to talk or just continue posting or reading. No pressure here and lots of compassion and understanding. I am sending my thoughts and hoping for peace and strength for you and your family
Lisa

Myfavorite 08/23/2018

Hey man, I get what your feeling as I lost my wife nine weeks ago. All the plans, you're future together gone just like that and you're right it doesn't feel real. Stick around as there are some really good people here who help or at least listen.

denverkim 08/24/2018

Hello Day...

I'm sad to hear that you're here with us now. I'm 9 months out tomorrow and have learned so much about grief - things I never expected. Things like: grief can't be contained or controlled...it's a sneaky bastard that can and will hit you at the most unexpected times. Sometimes it packs a real wallop, other times it's less of a tsunami and you can get back to your day.

Yes, the people who have told you to let yourself grieve are correct...and if you think, "I've got this...", that's when grief will show you who is boss. Please don't put too much pressure on yourself...let the grief waves happen. I think you'll find that you get a little bit stronger each time.

Take care of yourself - you can't pour from an empty cup.

Kim

justnotfair 08/24/2018

Take it day by day and sometimes your having a great day and all of a sudden memories pop up in your brain. E veryone here has had the same experience that you are having. The hardest for me is the weekends because everyone is with their loved ones. I am almost two months into this journey. Good Luck finding your way into this new way of life.

dayxdayxday 09/25/2018

Thanks everyone. I have been reading and following but haven't posted recently. Still adjusting. As many have said, some days are better than others. Today was not one of those days. me and the kids are doing as well as can be expected I think. Still pissed, still crushed, but focusing on the tasks of the day. At somepoint I'll be ready to plan beyond the next couple of days but for now just one step at a time.

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