Hey Debbie, I can relate to this so wellI think it is depression and that is my worst fear. Its hard to figure out what the point of my life is at this point.
The only reason I get out of bed in the morning and put a smile on my face is that my son (14 years old) is watching me and I dont want him to make excuses for not doing what he is suppose to be doing. But inside I feel the same as you, with the hope that this too shall pass. I try to keep busy, even thought I dont feel like doing anything. When my husbands life ended mine kinda did too.
Now we have to make a new life for ourselvesit stinks, but what are our choices.
Hang in there, Sabine

I was on 10 mg Lexapro. When the anxiety got really bad, I went to the MD and he put me on Cymbalta, 30 MG, to increase to 60 after 7 days, which I didn't do and discussed with the MD. I am functioning, eventhough I am emotionless, but at least I am functioning. The Cymbalta takes care of the horrible anxiety, but I wonder if it has placed me in this state too. I expressed my concern about not being on anything that masks the grief feelings we need to process. He was in 100% agreement. The counselor said to take it and not worry about it.

Depression was my worse fear too, and it is here. I flushed all the prescription pain meds we had in the house down the toilet.

Yes, my life ended to, but a little voice tells me it hasn't and to go on. I have no choice and you don't either. Not to live in our home, it would not make a difference anywhere else I was. Would still be in this same state.

The bereavement person said where I am is normal, and he is going to work with me to find my purpose in life. The only purpose I have right now is going back and forth to work.

And, going to bed tonight, will I be worse in the morning? I pray to God I am not.

At 4 months, I was feeling just like you are now. That's when I started calling it "The Widow's Flu" - I felt just sick and exhausted emotionally, spiritually, physically, with my head either in a fog or going through grief bursts, wondering what the heck I was going to do because it felt like my life was over, too. And people around me not understanding that I wasn't 'over it' just because I had good days, too. You are trying to find a new balance, a new structure, a new purpose - that is not an easy thing to do. Yes, your old life is gone, and you don't want it to be gone, and you're not quite ready to move forward at this point, so you feel like you're stuck in a holding pattern. None of it makes any sense. That's normal. It will pass. Love and Hugs, Martha

Martha and Sabine--Were you afraid to go to bed at night, thinking your condition would be worse in the morning? Did you feel like it all was going to hit you at once? Did you mentally fight to keep afloat every day?

I don't believe it is worth going to the MD today, nor increasing the Cymbalta. It's an awful feeling, and you push yourself.

Hi,
I certainly think that a lot of what you are feeling is depression.
I know since Rich, 7 months ago, I have gone through a realm of emotions and it just continues on.
I do believe so many of us have that "blank" feeling because one half of us is now missing.
I wish you love and always remember, one day at a time! Love & Prayers...Mo

I went out for lunch and feel rested now. The anxiety this morning wasn't good, and I literally thought the black hole was going to swallow me up. And it's funny, no matter how bad we feel, we manage to keep going, and have some sort of determination to do so.