emastin, I'm sorry you find yourself alone just when things were going so right. The jumble of emotions you describe make it hard to just deal with common everyday life so go easy on yourself. You are wise to want to find "me" before making any major changes in your life or decide on any important issues (like a new man). It may take some time until your shock subsides.

I understand your difficulty in saying "me" instead of "we". My partner of 23 years died 01/16/2015 -- 11 days ago. And I am having the same trouble. Everything was "our" but now I can't say that anymore.

I am so sorry that your lost your husband of 17 years. But I understand some of what you are going through. Getting through the day can be difficult. I have found this place of be very supportive and many have excellent ideas about our situation and circumstances. They have been able to help me. I'm sure they will also be able to help you.

I found it a big adjustment too, and I also wasn't sure what to use for a title... Mrs.? Ms.? Miss? My family name is hyphenated as well - a combo of mine-his... I thought of changing it back to my maiden name, but then there would be no link to the kids, who have his name only.
I'm sorry for the reason you've had to join us. I'm 23 months in on this journey and still struggling with the "we" part.
A day at a time - you'll pull through. And you'll find a lot of support from the terrific people here, as I have.

Dearest Emastin . . so sorry for your recent loss. I understand the anger all too well. I've lived on it for the past ten months. It can be a motivating feeling if directed well (please not at yourself), it's also part of the grief journey. The acronym DABDA . . Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance . .. . and not always in that order! This is a crazy journey we are all on. If one hasn't been here, they simply don't understand. You've come to the right place for support . . we are an amazing cyber family that will be here for you whenever you need us.

As for the insensitive comment from another about finding a new man so early in your loss, unbelievable! What were they thinking? I'm sorry. And no need to push self forward right now. One day and breath at a time is all that's required of you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Big hug, Dayna

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 37 years on Nov. 9, 2014. The first 2 months I was in a fog, thinking this wasn't happening and that he was just in the hospital. I would cry and hug his pillow at night.

Then just recently, with a lot of prayer, the fog has lifted. I am thinking more clearly and feel Al is with me, guiding me. I am also reminded I am now a "me" and not an "us".

It has helped me to receive an email every morning from Grief Share. They send an email for 365 days. I find it the hardest to be with our "couple" friends. That's when I feel cheated, and it's not their fault.

Please, please give yourself time to grieve. Cry all day if you want, and then do something each day - it can be stopping for your favorite coffee, meeting a friend, cleaning a closet, etc. I found doing for others makes me feel good.

I so wish none of us were on this journey. Linda

Hello Emastin and Everyone Here, I am so sorry that we are all here, but it is comforting to know that we are not the only ones going through this awful experience. My husband died from very aggressive tongue cancer exactly 2 weeks ago. I can't believe it. Since his surgery last June, he has been unable to eat or speak. I was his caregiver 24/7 since November and was so sad when I couldn't fulfill his wish to die at home and we were admitted to hospice for the last 12 days of his life. It is all so surreal and coming home to an empty house and feeling his presence is on one hand comforting, but on the other, so very lonely when I realize he's not coming home. Thinking of you all and wishing you strength
Sheena

Moving forward is what we all struggle with. For me, I had to work on myself to even want to move forward. It's a process we make in baby steps discovering who we are without our spouse. You will find pieces along the way, some you will build on and others you will throw away. Take it slow and keep your priorities of letting the grief have it's tim . We will do it together. Sharon

Sheena's comment ". It is all so surreal and coming home to an empty house and feeling his presence is on one hand comforting, but on the other, so very lonely when I realize he's not coming home." is exactly how I felt/feel.

I started leaving a light on, which helped. Now I just try not to go out at night; that's the worst coming home to an empty house.

Finding ourselves again takes time. I have found family and friends very supportive and yet, they don't know my pain because they still have their spouses.

I have found that helping others helps me heal and feel good about myself. I have also made a list of things I need to do so each morning before I get out of bed, I try to think about what I am going to do today. Otherwise, it would be too easy to just stay under the safety net of the covers and not have to face the world.

Sending prayers and hugs your way. Linda

I was asked no less than 4 times in the first two months of his death if I thought I would marry again! What a stupid question to ask. How can you answer? How can you know? I guess people don't really know what to say. I think a couple of them wanted to console me or maybe themselves that I would find happiness again.